Blake pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly. “I’m going to leave right now because I know you are scared. I know you have things to deal with and work through, but know this: I’m not giving up. I’m not walking away. I’m giving you space. I will be back, Carly. For you and for our daughter.” The passion in his eyes speaks volumes as they reiterate the words he just said.
And the scary part is? I believe him.
I climb out of the Tahoe on numb legs and make my way towards the building. I will myself not to turn around, but as soon as I slip inside the glass door and pull it securely closed behind me, I can’t help but look. Blake is still sitting there, watching me. He doesn’t leave.
My legs carry me towards the elevator that eventually deposits me on the top floor. With leaded feet, I drag myself towards my place and further away from Blake. Each step I take is like the knife digging further into my broken heart.
I make my way into my apartment and head straight for my daughter. She’s curled up on the floor, watching cartoons, but I don’t care. I need to feel her in my arms. I need to know that something in my life is real. She’s real. Her love.
And then those emerald green eyes clash with mine, and the dam breaks. I cry for the loss of my dad, twenty-two years ago, but again now. I cry for all of the what-could-have-beens and what-ifs. I cry for the relationship that I’ve had with Blake and the fact that I don’t know if I can forgive him. I cry because Blake let me get out of that vehicle and didn’t even try to stop me. Because I want to forgive him. I want to be with him. After everything is said and done, and all of the cards are on the table, I cry because I wish he were here.
I cry because I love him.
Chapter Twenty-Six – Little Brothers
Are A Pain In The Ass
Blake
“So?” Luke asks as he sits on the chair across from me. After I left Carly’s yesterday, I went to the crappy apartment and grabbed what few things I was keeping. I was ready to close that chapter of my life. When I took the undercover assignment, we knew it could be quite a while before the job was done. So, I sublet my apartment and stored all of my old furniture and clothes in my parents’ shed. The stuff in the apartment I’ve lived in for the past two years is old hand-me-down crap that I picked up to help me play the part. And that part is done.
“So what?” I ask, not giving him one inch.
“Are you gonna play dumb with me? You show up at my house yesterday with my Tahoe filled with your crap–that I had to unload, might I add–before passing out in my guest room. You haven’t left all day, which tells me that going to Carly’s isn’t an option for you. I take it she didn’t take the news too well. So, what happened?” Luke asks as he takes a pull from his beer bottle.
“No, she didn’t take it well,” I tell him, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. “She did exactly what I was afraid she’d do. Exactly what I hoped she wouldn’t.”
“So why are you here, sulking on my couch?” he asks, smug smile across his face. Asshole.
“I’m not sulking. I’m giving her space. And the thought of going to Mom and Dad’s wasn’t all that appealing. So I decided to grab your guest room before you could tell me no,” I reply, taking the final drink of my own beer.
“It’s yours as long as you need it. You know that,” he says with a pointed look. Yeah, I knew my brother wouldn’t have a problem with me crashing with him until I figure out how to return to the human race and secure my own place.
After several minutes of silence, I finally say, “I told her I loved her.”
Luke’s eyebrows rise heavenward. “Really?”
“Yeah, I told her everything I could about her dad and who I was, and that I was in love with her. She didn’t take it well,” I mumble, not really liking the bitter taste in my mouth.
“Wait. You told her that you loved her after you told her all that other crap?” I look up at Luke and his face is full of shock. It’s like I’d suddenly grown a second head.
“Yeah, so?”
“You fucking idiot. You don’t lay all that crap on her and then tell her you love her. No wonder she didn’t believe you, shit-for-brains. You always lead with the dramatic love confession. That way she’s all buttered up for when you drop the bomb. If you do it the way you did, she’ll think you’re only saying it because she’s mad and it’s your last resort.”