“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I watched you and your mother get on that boat knowing that you would never return to me. Mattias had contacts everywhere and he helped doctor documents that indicated you and your mother perished in a sailing accident. But you have to know that I never forgot you. You were never far from my mind. I’ve always watched you from afar, Carlina. Even if I couldn’t be front and center, I was always there. Sometimes through your uncle, but always near.”
His words sink in. Tears that I didn’t even know I was shedding were falling down my cheeks. “I’ve always kept silent tabs on you, mi Tesoro. Graduations. Birthday parties. Ballet recitals. When you had your beautiful daughter, I was there.”
“What happens next?” I ask the man with eyes the same as my own.
“Nothing happens, mi hija. I can’t risk your life or your bambino’s life. You needed to know the story as best as I could tell you, but that’s it. I won’t risk your life again.” His words are like a dagger to the heart. I feel like someone is playing a cruel joke on me. My father is dangled before me and then pulled away again like a toy on a string. Knowing that we’ll never have the relationship I didn’t even know I wanted so desperately, guts me. The tears fall in earnest as the waitress delivers our food. I’m suddenly not even close to being hungry.
“Please don’t cry, mi hija. I will continue to watch over you, but I won’t risk you. You would do the same for your daughter.”
“Yes, I would. But I would also never put her at risk in the first place,” I state matter-of-factly.
“Are you sure about that?” he asks, his dark eyebrows risen into his hairline. He doesn’t elaborate which tells me his question is probably hypothetical. At least, that’s what I tell myself, even as the slight uneasy feeling settles over me.
The rest of breakfast is quiet. Neither of us really knows what to say to each other so we decide to keep it silent. Reaching the end of the meal, I follow my father’s lead and stand up. “Mi hija. My daughter. Please know that I will always love you, even if I can’t be a part of your life. I hope that you’ll remember that every day as you raise mi nieta. Maybe, someday, you’ll even be able to forgive me for the choices I’ve made in my life. Te quiero, Carlina,” he says before placing a soft kiss on my forehead and walking out of the café.
With tears in my eyes and a heart so heavy, it feels like forty-pound weights are dragging it down, I drive back home on autopilot. I’m filled with grief all over again as I lose my father. Again. Knowing that he’s close, but so very far away is the worst pain. I lost him before, and it feels like that old wound is being ripped open. I park my car and quickly make my way up to my apartment.
As soon as I open the door, Blake is there. His arms wrap around me, pulling me deeply into his embrace. While my world shatters around me and I lose my father all over again, Blake’s warmth and compassion keeps me from completely losing it. He’s strong on the outside, sure, but it’s his internal strength that he’s providing that seals the deal for me. I may not have my father, but I have Blake.
Natalia and I both have the man we love.
Chapter Twenty – The Beginning Of
The End
Blake
I didn’t want to leave Carly. She was upset over losing her father a second time, and I can’t blame him. The only thing that brings me an ounce of comfort is knowing that she’s better off in the long run. Not because he pushed her away, even if to protect her, but because something bad is coming. My biggest fear is that they would have reconciled only moments before I rip him away from her like the thief I am. I’m not saying it’s the right way to think, but at least she won’t be mixed up in this fucking mess before the agency brings the hammer down on the entire organization.
She’d lose him anyway.
I pull into the facility and park next to Styx’s car. No one else appears to be here yet, so I take a few moments to send Luke a text about the meeting before heading inside. The interior of the building is dark except for a light over by the part we call the office. I flop down in one of the chairs while Styx keeps those dark eyes of his trained on me. I don’t know what it is about this man, but he heckles my nerves. There’s something about him that I don’t quite trust.
“Where is everyone?” I ask.
“They’ll be here.” Styx stares at me with those dark eyes. I school my features, keeping it casual and relaxed on the outside. On the inside, I’m registering every twitch of his eye, every movement he makes. I catalog his actions as he watches me from across the seating area.