“God, I hope it’s soon. I’m ready to have my brother back, man,” he says while grabbing the stuffed animal moments before he watches his niece chuck it back across the room with a laugh. “I think she’s fucking with me,” he says incredulously.
I laugh. “Watch your mouth,” I scold my little brother lightheartedly. Yeah, she’s got his number.
Luke stays and visits for just a short time. I can tell that leaving is hard for him. We haven’t just sat around and bullshitted in forever. Everything is always about the job and at some neutral location. Never at my apartment. Never would he have risked compromising this entire job that we’ve been working on for two long years. Hell, longer than two years when you consider how long we’ve dug up information and intel for this operation.
While I’m submerged in this life, I try not to think about what I’m missing back home. I try not to think about those random dinners or having a beer with my brother after work. Shit like that just depresses me. Yet, I always let my mind wander to Carly. She was the only thing that brought me comfort during these last two years. Maybe that’s why I added the wildflowers to my tattoo a little over a year ago. The eagle was a constant reminder of the job I’m doing in bringing down a criminal operation. The wildflowers were a reminder of what could have been. The one thing I had to give up in order to have the other. Couldn’t have them both. I had to choose, and while that choice was the right one, now I’m not so sure I can make it again.
If it comes down to making the same choice, I just don’t think I’d choose the same path.
Natalia. Carly.
The job.
When I’m forced to make the decision–and fuck knows it’s coming–my biggest fear is that I’ll choose the wrong one.
And where will that leave me?
Chapter Nineteen – Only Breakfast
Carly
To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I sat in my car until I couldn’t sit there any longer. With shaky legs, I walk across the street and open the large glass door at the front of the small café that I love. I slip inside, spotting my father at a booth in the back. His gaze catches mine as he watches me approach the table. He stands up, and I can see his discomfort, not really knowing whether to give me a hug or not. I decide to answer his question by sitting down in the empty bench seat across from him.
Dad sits down, taking a sip of his steaming black coffee. “I didn’t know if you wanted coffee,” he says in his thick accent. Each time he speaks, it’s like a piece of my childhood returns to me. I remember the thick accent, the deep timbers of his voice. He might have aged a great deal, but the sound of his voice is the same.
“Coffee, please,” I tell the waitress as she approaches our table.
“Thank you for meeting me,” he says, those dark brown eyes trained on me.
“Yeah, well, I honestly don’t know why I’m here,” I tell him, still teetering that line between upset and curious.
“You have questions. I have answers.”
The waitress returns, delivering my coffee and taking our order. I stick with something light–a fruit salad and bagel–not knowing if my stomach is going to handle anything heavier.
“Ask me anything,” he says quietly after the waitress walks away.
“Why? Why was I led to believe you were dead,” I ask instantly. Though there are so many questions, this is the one that I can’t seem to wrap my mind around.
“It’s very complicated, Carlina, but I’ll do my best to answer you. Your mother and I were happily married when you came along. Your arrival only seemed to deepen the love I had for her. Georgie was my first real love, Carly. You have to know that. You and your mother were the loves of my life. That’s why I had to send you away,” he says, his voice small and his eyes cast downward.
I don’t speak so he continues. “My business is…difficult to explain to you, Carlina. It’s a business I was first introduced to in my homeland of Mexico. For a while, it was the only thing I knew. They sent me to the United States and from there, my business was born. I’m not a good man, Carlina. I do things that I’m not proud of, but you have to know that it doesn’t mean I didn’t love you and your mother.”
“Why then?” I whisper, my heart lodged securely in my throat.
“A former business associate was a little upset when I branched out on my own. He tracked me to Vegas and began to make threats. I didn’t take them seriously until this one particular day. We were on vacation when photos of you and your mother arrived with a note. He was going to kill you both. While I wasn’t scared of him, I was terrified that he would get to you. I increased security those first few days of our vacation, but the photos kept arriving. He was close and I knew he would follow through with his threat. He made it clear that he could get to you both and that I wouldn’t see it coming until it was too late. The only way to make him stop and to focus his anger on me was to send you away.