Natalia walks over, reminding me a little of a drunken sailor, and plops down in the middle of the mountain of toys. She instantly sticks the first thing in her mouth, hitting one of the other toys until it starts to sing. I watch in fascination as she begins to entertain herself. Heading over to grab my t-shirt off the chair, I quickly throw it over my head. Moments later, I’m sliding down on the floor next to where Natalia is playing. After several minutes, I turn towards Carly and ask, “How long will she be awake?”
She gives a small laugh before answering. “Oh, she could be up for the rest of the night, or it could be a half hour. You just never know with Nat. She likes to have what I call ‘crib parties,’ except these parties aren’t anything like I remember from my early twenties.”
I can’t help the hearty laugh that erupts from my gut. “Yeah, so far this is nothing like the parties I attended back in the day.” Carly smiles before settling down on the floor across from me to watch our daughter play.
“You can slip into my room and grab a few hours of sleep if you want,” she offers without looking up at me.
“I’m not going anywhere. If anything, you should head back there and grab a little more sleep. I can handle this. I think.” Her laugh is like spring rain washing over me. It’s light and refreshing and feels fucking amazing. I want to hear her laugh more, and I vow right here and now to make that happen.
“I’m up. I’ll never be able to go to sleep knowing she’s out here awake.”
I don’t question her. I’m sure it’s difficult for her to turn over her only child to the care of a stranger, even if that stranger is the child’s father. Still, she has done this on her own for over a year, and I’m sure it’s difficult to relinquish a little of her control. It’s an issue I won’t push her on. Yet.
Just before five o’clock, Natalia’s eyes begin to droop. Her movements have been getting slower and clumsier as exhaustion starts to set in. I watch for cues from Carly as I try to learn Natalia’s habits and signs. Suddenly, Natalia crawls up my lap and pulls herself against my chest. I help her in her efforts to climb my body until she’s snuggled in closely to where my heart beats wildly. She places her small thumb inside of her mouth and lets her eyelids fall closed. I gently stroke her short black hair, playing with the curls at the tips.
“I’m not sure where she gets the curl from,” Carly whispers as she watches the scene before her.
“From me,” I tell her, bringing me eyes up to hers. “I have curl to my hair. That’s why I keep it so short,” I add before looking back down at the baby sleeping soundly in my arms.
Silently, we both stand up, Natalia securely in my arms, as we make our way towards her room. Inside, I gently place the sleeping baby against the sheet, covering up her small body with the pink and purple blanket. I absently stroke her head as I watch her fall deep into slumber. Her little mouth makes sucking noises as she dreams, making me smile down on her. I realize that I could stand here and watch her sleep all night long, which makes me smile even more.
“Come on,” Carly whispers, placing her small hands on my shoulders. I stand up and turn to face her. The room suddenly feels warm as we gaze at each other, her hands now resting on my arms. She’s close enough to kiss if I would just take a small step forward. Fuck, do I want to kiss her right now. And not that light kiss from earlier. I want to throw her down on her bed and ravish her mouth with my own. I want to feel her skin against me and watch as she comes apart by my touch.
As if in a trance, we both walk out of the bedroom. I miss her touch and want those soft fingers against my arms once more. In the hallway, she turns and stares at me with so much written in those chocolate brown eyes. Desire. Lust. Need. It’s all right there waiting.
But do I take it?
I want to. God knows I want to fucking take it right now more than I want my next breath, but I shouldn’t. Baby steps. I have to crawl before I can walk, and as much as my mind and my body are telling me to take Carly right now, my heart is telling me to take it slow. Build a solid foundation before it has the chance to crumble down.
So with superhuman strength that I didn’t even know I possess, I lean forward and give her a light kiss on the corner of the mouth. “Good night, Carly.”
Her breathing hisses as my lips touch her skin. I slowly pull away before turning and walking towards the living room couch. I should get a fucking medal for this restraint. As I rip my shirt off and toss it onto the chair, I hear her sweet voice behind me. “Good night, Blake. I’ll see you in the morning.”