He inclined his head to the door, dismissing me, and I hurried outside. I’d just made it to my truck, had the key in the keyhole, when his voice stopped me cold.
“Gracie.”
My hand froze on the door handle, and my breath left my lungs, leaving me weak, dizzy. I didn’t turn around. I said nothing. Just stood still, gripping the metal. I forced myself to breathe in. Out. In again.
His hand went to my shoulder and turned me around.
I didn’t look at his face; I kept my eyes trained on his chest. I knew he stared at my blackened eye.
His knuckles brushed my jaw, tilted my head up. Made me look at him. “What the hell happened to you?”
His concern angered me, and I then couldn’t look at him anymore. I shifted my gaze over his shoulder. “What do you want, Brax?” My voice didn’t quiver. Didn’t reveal tears. It was as even and impassive as I could muster. I also noticed his bruises, his blackened eye. I’d almost forgotten about it. So many emotions had flooded me that day. Just as they were now.
Anger flashed over his face, hardening his jaw, the lines between his brow. “Did someone do this to you?”
“No. A horse.” I turned away, opening my truck door.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re ok.” His voice eased, apparently relieved.
Forcing my strength, I looked at him. Just seeing his unusual face, and all the memories it brought back, crushed me, and I sucked in a breath as though I’d been slammed in the gut. I prayed he couldn’t see the raw pain that scratched and clawed its way to the surface. My lips went numb, I wanted to scream and yell and ask him why. Why did you go through two months of slowly dragging me out of my carefully constructed shell, only to stomp on my heart? Was it seriously just for a good old-fashioned college fuck? But I didn’t. I somehow held it together. I leveled my gaze to his for a painful fraction longer. A feat in itself. And I said the only thing I could say. “I’m no longer a concern of yours.” With that I shut the door, and surprisingly, he stepped back. Didn’t beat on my door, swear or demand me to hear him out. He actually allowed it. Without another glance, I started my engine, put the truck in drive and left Brax Jenkins standing in the parking lot.
I stood there and watched her take off through the parking lot. Watched ’til her truck disappeared from sight. I scrubbed the back of my head. And just stared. Had I really expected any other reaction from her? I guess I’d hoped for … what? Forgiveness? The pain in her eyes felt like a goddamn kick in the gut, and it was so real I almost had to look away. I’d put it there, that hurt in her beautiful eyes. She’d trusted me. Laid her goddamn soul wide open and bare to me, just as she had her body, and I’d taken both. Swear to God, I couldn’t fuckin’ help myself. If only I’d known what I’d later that morning found out. If only what’d happened … had happened sooner. Before we’d had that night together. Would I have done anything different? Would I have been able to refuse her? No. Why? Because I’m a selfish prick. End of fucking story.
I started running, heading to the batting cages to meet Cory, and my mind filled with her image. It filled with everything Gracie. The way her eyes were wide, soft, and shaped so that they tipped up a little in the outer corners. Full lips that I’d—Jesus Christ, I could’ve kissed them for hours. Hair that fascinated me when worn in her usual braid; sucked the life out of me when I’d unraveled it, let it hang long over her bare back, shoulders. I shook my head, trying to fling those images out. They wouldn’t budge. I guess it’d be my punishment. It’s what I fuckin’ deserved.
I’d planned to stay away from her—Christ, I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already had. But when Cory’d texted me asking about her banged-up face, I had no choice. I had to see for myself, see why her face was banged up. I’m not your concern anymore. Damn. She might as well have shoved a knife in my heart. Those words had stung. Hurt like hell. Bad thing was Gracie’d never know how much they’d hurt me. It had hurt like hell to say the things I’d said to her before, seeing her face twist in pain and confusion. They’d all been lies. Unavoidable lies. And she’d never know how deeply she touched me. No one in my life had made me feel that way. Only her. And I’d lost her.
She’d never, ever know that I fucking loved her.
It wasn’t even possible. Kelsy Evans’ father had made that crystal fucking clear.
A horn blasted behind me, and when I turned Cory passed by, his hand stuck out the open window of his car. He knew. Knew some of the fucked up situation. Most of it, anyway. I’d had no choice but to leave some of it out, for Cory’s sake. Gracie had been right about one thing. Evans’ prick father was one twisted fuck. The less Cory knew about what had gone down, the less shit would fall on him. Or the Beaumont’s. Jesus Christ, I couldn’t let Gracie’s family suffer because of me. Bad enough the goddamn Kappa dare still existed. I was responsible for it, too. I regretted the hell out of that one. I hadn’t known Gracie when I took that challenge. But this thing with Evans? That was a whole different set of balls. Cory knew how I truly felt about Gracie. That much I’d confessed to him. And I’d sworn him to fucking secrecy. Cory Maxwell wouldn’t say a word.