Then it’s over. As quickly and as unexpectedly as it began, it’s over. Finished. Done. Forever.
—
I’m still staring at the place where my ex-boyfriend’s face disappeared into the black lake when Jasper hoists himself into the boat. Tender yet urgent hands take me by the arms and turn me toward him, forcing my eyes away from the water.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes dark and searching in the shadows of the moonlight. When I don’t answer, he gives me a little shake. “Muse, did he hurt you?”
I shake my head negatively. Everything happened so fast. Nothing seems real. Like nothing up to this point has been real.
Cool fingers curl under my chin and Jasper tips my face up into the light. He examines it closely and then starts to gently touch and prod my head and neck, my chest and arms, and then down to my hips and legs. I sit quietly and let him check me out, my thoughts both chaotic and singular. It’s like all the mess and drama of the last months have culminated in the one thought that nothing is as it seems. No one I thought I knew was even real.
When he’s finished assessing me, Jasper threads his fingers into my hair and leans his forehead against mine. “Talk to me, Muse. Tell me what’s wrong,” he whispers.
So I do.
“Nothing is real.”
“What?”
“Nothing that I’ve ever known is real, is it?”
Jasper leans back to look at me. I can see the crease between his eyes. A frown. “What do you mean?”
“My father, my boyfriend, my mother.” I pin him with a hard stare. “You.”
Slowly, like flower petals dying and falling from their stem, Jasper’s hands slip away. Without the heat of his touch, my skin cools. Within seconds, my cheeks feel even colder than they did before. It’s like Jasper’s touch took something from me. Heat, vitality, some part of life itself. Soon, the coldness spreads and I’m filled with a damp emptiness that threatens to consume me.
I start to shiver.
“You’re in shock,” he says, moving over to insinuate himself behind me, wrapping his body around mine as much as he can as he takes up the oars.
“Are you just going to leave . . . I mean, what about the . . . the body?”
“I’ll call a cleaner.”
A cleaner.
“Like in the movies? Someone who works for the government and comes in to remove bodies and evidence?”
“Yes. Exactly like that.”
So very cloak and dagger.
Jasper rows us the rest of the way to the dock in complete silence. When he ties off, I stand up and climb out, leaving him behind. I turn to watch him haul himself out of the boat. He moves with ease.
“He didn’t hit you? When he fired at you, he didn’t hit you?”
Jasper shakes his head. “No.”
“You’re a good actor,” I observe with no small amount of bitterness. My heart nearly stopped I was so convinced Matt had shot Jasper, causing him to fall headfirst into the water.
“He thought I was too afraid to come after you. I let him think that.”
“So you weren’t afraid at all? Was anything you told me true?” My frozen blood starts to simmer with betrayal and humiliation. Anger eclipses fear. Bitterness swallows pain.
“It was all true. I’ve never lied to you.”
“Well it sure is convenient that you were able to throw off that fear tonight, now, isn’t it?” There’s poison in my tone. I let the fury lick through me, like flames eating up all other emotion, devouring every soft thing. Anything less than rage is weakness. And I can’t afford to be weak right now. Not when I’m dealing with Jasper.
“I suppose it was. It’s hard to be thankful for that kind of motivation, though.”
“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of a gun. You? An assassin? That’s ridiculous.”
An assassin. The word coats the inside of my mouth like sour chalk. My lips curl into a sneer.
“I wasn’t afraid of the gun,” he states flatly.
“Oh, then what was it that you feared more than you feared the water, pray tell?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest. My every word, my every action is laced with disbelief and resentment. I can’t seem to make myself behave civilly or rationally right now. This has all been just . . . too much.
“You.”
“Me?” His answer surprises me. I was expecting some pat excuse.
“Yes, you. Well the loss of you.”
My smile is as tart as my soul. “What a terrible bind that must’ve put you in! What happens if someone else kills one of your targets? Do you miss out on all that money, or do you share it, or . . . How does that work?”
“I could never hurt you.”