Strong Enough(57)

“That wasn’t stupid. I didn’t take any unnecessary risks. I don’t know why you’re so angry with me.”

His teeth are gritted so hard, I’m surprised he can push air through them, much less whole words. “Because I can’t lose another person to this lake. I can’t stand by and watch it swallow up someone else that matters to me.”

I go completely still. I think even my heart has stopped beating for a second. “I matter to you?”

“Yes! Is that what you want to hear? Would that make you happy?” He’s nearly yelling now. Bellowing. This calm, cool, unaffected man is showing me another little piece of himself, only this display is very much against his will.

“As a matter of fact it would, but I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear.”

“No, that’s not what I want to hear!”

“Then why did you ask?”

He growls in frustration and lets me go, turning away from me and running a hand through his hair. When he pivots back to me several seconds later, he’s calmly livid, but livid nonetheless.

“You’re dismantling everything I’ve worked for. You’re ripping open old wounds, making me feel things I don’t want to feel. Making me think things I’ve got no business thinking.”

I don’t know whether to be insulted or flattered. I’m uncertain, unsteady as always. With Jasper, there is no steady ground. There is no predictability. Just when I think I’ve got him figured out, he throws me a curve ball.

“What the hell is going on, Jasper?”

“I didn’t want you. I didn’t ask for you.” Bitterness. I can almost taste it. I wish that it didn’t hurt me to hear it.

“I know you didn’t.”

“Then why the hell couldn’t you just leave me alone?”

“If that’s what you want, I’m sure I could find a way back to Atlanta.” My heart is aching.

His eyes search mine, furiously, frantically. “No! Absolutely not! Don’t you see?”

“Jasper, I don’t understand. What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to stay. I want you to stay and never leave.”

My shivering heart warms, heating the blood in every artery and vein throughout my body. “You do?”

“Yes, damn you! You’re the only thing I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. And the one thing I can’t have.”

“But you can, Jasper,” I say, moving closer to him and setting my hands at his firm waist. “You can have me. I’m right here.”

The fire dies in his eyes, leaving them cool and defeated. His voice is low, sullen. “But you shouldn’t be. And you won’t be for long.”

There’s no talking him out of this, obviously, so the only thing I know to do is work around it. “Then love me while I’m here. Love me for all the tomorrows that we won’t have.”

Jasper raises his hands, running his fingers around my neck and into the hair at my nape. “I’ll love you for today. That’s all I can give you.”

“Then love me for today.”

When his lips take mine, they’re gentler than they’ve ever been, but also more fierce. The rage, the roughness is still there, but it’s tightly controlled. Like he doesn’t want to hurt me.

It only makes me wonder if he’s certain that he’s going to. And what that might mean for me.

—

The phone ringing stirs me from my drowsy rest on Jasper’s chest. We are in the spacious master bedroom, in a bed that’s hard as a rock, but I couldn’t care less. My bones are like butter and my brain like mush.

Jasper shifts me enough that he can stretch for his phone. I can tell by the muffled chirp that it’s probably still in the pocket of his pants, which are now in a heap on the floor. Where he left them when he tore out of them to get to me.

I smile just thinking about it. He’s as fierce in his lovemaking as he is in every other area of life. I didn’t see it before. I saw this calm, cool, collected, even aloof man who showed no emotion. He still doesn’t show very much, but I’ve learned where to look for it. It’s there. He burns as hot on the inside as I do, just in a different way.

“What is it?” he says as he rolls back into bed.

I watch his face as he listens. It shows nothing. But I notice that when I scrape my fingernails up his stomach, his nipples pucker and chills spread over his chest. When I bend to lave one with my tongue, I feel his hand at the back of my head, urging my face up to his. His pupils are so big his eyes look black. He’s turned on, but he doesn’t want to be right now, hence the single shake of his dark head.