“And what reason did I think?” His voice is low and hypnotic, as soothing as the soft cotton sheets.
“You probably think that I was so heartbroken over seeing that he’s living with Megan that I ran off. Couldn’t take it.”
“But that’s not right?”
I think about my reaction, about what I was feeling then and what I’m feeling now. “Maybe a little, but it was more . . . residual. It was like the loss of what was. But it was also about what never was.” I stop, my eyelids drifting shut as I think.
“Explain,” he urges gently, his chin moving atop my head.
“I tend to fall for men with a fatal flaw. When I didn’t find Matt’s, I thought he might be the one. But I’m beginning to think that I’m the one with the fatal flaw. The fatal flaw of falling for men who don’t love me.”
“What makes you think he didn’t love you?”
“He let me go. If he loved me, he didn’t love me enough.”
“What constitutes enough?”
“It’s enough when you can’t bear the thought of life without that person. It’s enough when you can’t let them go, or when you’d cross an ocean just to be with them. Anything less than that is just . . . less. It isn’t enough.”
“But he did let you go.”
“Yes.”
“And then he moved on.”
“Yes.”
“Which means he didn’t love you enough.”
“Yes.” After a few seconds, I add, “But that wasn’t all that was making me upset tonight.”
“What else?”
“I . . . I felt selfish and stupid for wanting him to love me like that when I didn’t love him enough either.”
“Explain,” he says again.
“If I’d loved him as much as I thought I had, I wouldn’t have kissed you like I did. I wouldn’t have had any trouble putting you out of my mind and staying focused on Dad. If I’d loved him enough, I—I wouldn’t want you.”
“And that makes you feel guilty?”
Perceptive as ever. “Yes.”
I feel Jasper lean up. I feel the scruff on his chin at my temple. It softly abrades my skin when he speaks. “Don’t. If he’d loved enough, you wouldn’t be here. Alone. With me. He’d be with you.”
I sigh. What he says is true. “I know, but—”
“No buts. Be glad that he didn’t chase you. I am.”
The next words I say are the absolute truth. “Right now, I am, too.”
That’s the last thing I remember.
TWELVE
Jasper
I hear Muse stir. I hear her groan and I have to smile.
I don’t try to be quiet as I roll the room service cart into her bedroom. I wasn’t trying to be quiet when I answered the knock, spoke to the waiter and let the door slam shut either.
“Time for some breakfast. We need to get on the road.”
Muse raises her head and glances at the cart, frowns and then lays it back on her pillow. “Not hungry,” she mutters.
“You need to eat. You’ll feel better.”
She opens one eye and glares at me. Pretty effectively, too, I might add. “Why the hell are you so chipper?”
“I’m not chipper. You’re just hungover.”
I take the silver covers off the two plates of food.
“You didn’t order eggs, did you?” she asks, her words garbled like she might be getting sick.
“No. Lots of bacon. And water. And coffee. Some fruit, too. Now sit up.”
Reluctantly, she pushes back the covers, kicking at them with her legs when they tangle around her feet. I watch her naked breasts bounce, the nipples puckering against the cool air. Blood rushes to my cock. Evidently, I’ve found the one thing I can’t completely control myself against.
Muse Harper.
A woman, for God’s sake. But not just any woman. She’s a woman who makes my blood blaze and my body ache. She’s a woman who has enough fire to thaw a small piece of what’s been frozen for a long time.
In a different situation, that might be cause for concern, but right now it’s not. She’s got a father to find. I’ve got answers to obtain. And then, we will come to an end. An unfortunate end. She deserves better, but it is what it is. I have a job to do and it has to come first. Always first.
Muse finally sits up and rubs her hands over her face. Her hair is dried in thick clumps that fall down over her shoulders like flames, licking at her pale flesh. My mouth goes dry as I watch her unabashedly. It’s her gasp that brings my eyes back up to hers. They’re wide and round, and her lips are parted like they were last night. Last night when she came in my arms. Her cheeks flood with color and she crosses her arms over her chest to cover her nudity. The action only makes her look sexier. More forbidden.