Strong Enough(25)

“Why did you do that?” I ask, my residual intoxication making me blunt.

“Because you needed it,” he replies, matter of fact.

“Oh God!” I moan louder, covering my face again.

But again, Jasper pulls my hands away. His eyes are on mine, sparkling like two warm topazes. “But I also did it because I wanted to. I wanted to see you. I wanted to touch you. I wanted to put my hands and my mouth on you. And I wanted to watch your face when you weren’t thinking of anything more than what I was doing to you.”

My heart is pounding so hard I’m sure he can hear it. I’m caught between humiliation and the desire to throw myself against Jasper and beg him to make love to me.

“I took advantage of you. If anything, you should be angry, not embarrassed.”

Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should be.

Only I’m not.

“I knew you were upset about your ex. I knew you needed to work through it. I should’ve left you alone.”

Jasper. Always so controlled, so logical, so . . . cool. “Then why didn’t you?”

“Because I can’t stop thinking about that damn kiss. And even though I know you’ve got other things on your mind, I wanted to feel you again.” He pauses and I say nothing. I’m surprised that he’s telling me this much, my quiet, reserved Jasper. “I’ve never had to take advantage of a woman before. I’ve never wanted to. I left it up to you to decide if you wanted to come to me, left it up to you to decide when you’re ready. I know the time will come. I can feel it like static between us. But I was getting tired of waiting. So I took advantage of your weakness. I took advantage of your heartbreak over another man. And I’m more than a little disgusted with myself.”

Jasper’s lip curls up into a sneer at the last and I can practically feel the self-loathing radiating from him. I don’t doubt he’s never had to take advantage of a woman before. I imagine that anyone he looks twice at just gets naked and throws herself at his feet. Hell, under different circumstances, I might’ve done the same thing.

It’s this uncharacteristic glimpse into his emotion, into any emotion from this man, that draws me closer to him.

I reach up to touch his cheek. “Please don’t feel like that. I’ve wanted you from the second I saw you. Yes, it is a bad time, but if I hadn’t been ready to be taken advantage of, I’d have told you to stop. And you would’ve.”

Jasper winds his long fingers around my wrist. “I don’t know if I would’ve or not.”

A thrill chases its way down my spine at the thought of being taken by Jasper, at the thought of him roughly pinning me to the bed, holding me down with his delicious body and taking what he wants. I’m not a fan of forced anything, but I know that Jasper would never have to force me. If anything, I’m a too-willing participant. So willing, in fact, that I’m having trouble keeping my mind focused on my priorities lately.

With his eyes on mine, Jasper reaches behind me and unsnaps my bra, pulling it from me so slowly that I hold my breath until my nipples spring free of the material. His eyes descend for just a second. I see them rove my naked breasts. I hear the hiss of his breath. I feel the heat of his want.

Neither of us speaks as he hooks his fingers in the band of my panties and drags them down my legs. On his way back up, I feel the soft brush of his lips over the skin of my inner thigh. But then he’s standing before me again, a tower of control and restraint.

Once more, he sweeps me up, never taking his eyes off mine as he carries me to the bed and tucks me under the covers. He stares down at me for several long, silent minutes. I don’t want him to go, although I know he’s going to. But I won’t ask him to stay. I can’t.

I’m learning quickly, though, that Jasper is extremely intuitive. He seems to notice the smallest things, appears to be able to read my mind almost. Or at the very least my slightest body language. Just like he does now. It’s as if he knows I don’t want him to leave me.

I watch with eyes I can’t tear away as he strips off his wet shirt and pants, climbs in behind me on top of the covers and pulls me into the curve of his body, resting his chin on top of my head.

I’m hyper-aware for the first couple of minutes. Jasper just holds me in silence, as though he’s letting me get used to the feel of his body against mine. And I do. Quickly.

His warmth coupled with the fatigue from the stress and worry of the last week work to relax me, and I find my chaotic thoughts settling onto Matt. And what Jasper must think of it all.

“I went to the bar because of Matt, but probably not for the reason you think,” I blurt into the quiet. I don’t want Jasper to misunderstand.