He had thought of calling her, but he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t going to apologize for not fucking her then and there. That was exactly what most men would have done without a second thought. Chris had been thinking about her feelings instead of his own. Sex always led to attachment, and he didn’t want to create that with Abby when they could never have a relationship.
But as he looked over at Jonathan wiping tears from his wife’s cheek with his thumb, Chris realized that some things went beyond being right or wrong. The chasm between him and Abby was troubling him, because though he had been trying to avoid hurting her, that was exactly what he’d done.
Abby was sullen as she got into Chris’ car.
“I’ve missed you,” he said as he pulled away from her office.
“I’ve missed you, too,” she admitted.
“I picked up some lunch and I thought we could just park and eat, because we need to talk.”
“I’d really prefer not to dwell on it, Chris. I wanted to have sex, and you didn’t. It’s embarrassing. Let’s just move on.”
“Of course I wanted to,” he said, exasperated, as he parked in the back of the Case Publications lot. “But you’re my friend, Abby. I don’t want us to have casual sex and ruin things.”
Abby sighed deeply.
“You’re right,” she said. “I just got carried away. The truth is I don’t want that with anyone. I need to keep my priorities straight.”
“I know I send mixed signals. I don’t want a relationship, but it’s hard to be around you and ignore how attractive you are.”
“Maybe we should stop spending time together,” she suggested.
“Is that what you want?” he asked, his brows knitted together with concern.
“No. I like being with you. I hardly have any friends, and it’s nice to be around someone I can be myself with. We just need some firm ground rules, like no kissing.”
“Or lap dancing,” Chris said, smiling.
“Right. I won’t do that anymore.”
“Could you also avoid wearing those black stockings and heels you had on the other day?”
“Which ones? The lacy thigh-high ones?”
“We should avoid talking about them, too. Just try to wear long, baggy pants if possible.”
“Okay. And no baseball hats for you. It would also help if you could avoid wearing that cologne you always have on.”
“You like that?” he grinned.
“Stay focused. Ground rules.”
“I am. Let’s just keep an honest dialogue open about the things the other does that create…unwanted arousal.”
“Yes, good. Let’s do that.”
“So we’re okay? Still friends?” Chris asked.
“We’re okay. You still want to go bowling with me and the girls this weekend?”
“Of course.”
Abby smiled as she watched Audrey and Sara playing pinball in the back of the pizza parlor. Audrey had a look of deep concentration, and Sara was smiling jubilantly.
“We may have to bring Justin next time so I have some bowling competition,” Chris said, grinning. He and Abby sat at a table, talking as the girls played.
“He’s worse than I am,” she said, laughing. “Are you in some doctor bowling league I don’t know about?”
“We did do that one year,” Chris admitted. “And can I ask, now that the girls are out of earshot, if you wore those jeans to distract me?”
“These old jeans?”
“Those old jeans,” he said with a knowing look. “Your ass looks incredible when you’re throwing the ball in those.”
“Well, thanks. I’ve had these jeans for a couple years.”
“I’ll need to add them to the list of things you can’t wear when we’re together.”
“Noted.”
“You’re really doing well with Audrey and Sara, Abby. They’re great kids.”
“That’s nice of you. I do my best, but they still don’t have what kids should.”
“You love them and take care of them. It doesn’t matter if you’re their Mom or not.”
Abby smiled, embarrassed by the tears welling in her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her face self-consciously. “No one’s ever said anything like that to me. It just got me.”
“Let’s go get ice cream,” Chris said as they got up from the table.
“I already ate a piece of pizza, I can’t have ice cream, too.”
“We’ll share one.”
Abby marveled at the sense of contentment she felt with Chris. She’d never felt lonely before, but being with him gave her a sense of happiness she’d never had. Was this what she had been missing by never having close friends? They had only known each other a short time, but it was getting harder and harder to imagine life without him.