"What would you have done if I had?" Jackson wrapped his arms around me.
"I would have hunted them down and killed them." His tone shot through me and I knew that it was at least partly true.
The next day, I woke up to a 'good morning' text message with a winking emoticon. I felt as if those three weeks hadn't happened, Caitlyn stared at me from her the doorway as I smiled down at my phone. "No don't tell me. He came crawling back." I didn't look up at her, which I assumed gave her the answer she needed. That night he took me to dinner and then back to his place. It was perfect once again. Everyday that week was the exact same until one morning Caitlyn woke up complaining loudly that her period was going to prevent her from having fun at the party that night. My heart sank. I trained my eyes on my notebook as I calculated days. Sixteen days. It had been sixteen days since I was supposed to get my period.
"I mean seriously why do our bodies have to punish us once a month for not having babies!" She threw herself onto her bed, sprawling out. "Should they congratulate us for being so smart? Safe sex right?" He had never used a condom, I thought. My heart was beating so hard I could barely hear the thought in my own head.
"I have to go to the store!" I stood up abruptly. "Do you need anything?"
"Actually I need tampons, do you mind?" Shaking my head I snatched my purse and booked it out the door. The entirety of my walk I thought about how there were a few other options. I could suddenly be infertile. Through that would be short-lived relief. I also thought about how I would tell Jackson, who I was sure still didn't consider me his girlfriend as we never discussed what we were doing since our break. I grabbed two packs of two tests that claimed to only take two minutes and the box of tampons for Caitlyn. The cashier cocked an eyebrow as he rang up my purchases. All I could do was avoid his glaze. Swiping my card with one hand and reaching for the bag with my other, I booked it for the door as soon as the reader said 'approved.'
On the way back, I stopped into a classroom building and found the first bathroom. I closed the stall and stared into the bag. I couldn't believe that this was happening. The instructions were simple. I peed on all four sticks back to back placing them atop of the plastic toilet paper holder. With my head in my hands I waited until the timer reached the 1:58 mark. I looked up at the tests as each one turned positive.
CHAPTER FIVE
The room felt hot and muggy as I sat on his bed working up the nerve to tell him. Jackson laid down next to me eyes trained on his TV. I picked at my fingernails nervously. "Jackson..." He hummed at me not looking away from the TV. "I need to talk to you."
"Listen, I don't want to be mean but you must know I don't want a commitment, Leila." He signed still watching the television.
"It's not about that." I sighed standing up between him and the screen. His eyes flicked up to mine and rolled them in annoyance. I steadied myself as I prepared to say the words I practiced for a week. They never sounded real each time I said them to myself in the mirror. "I'm pregnant." He raised an eyebrow and shrugged.
"Well, I have to go." He sat up. "I have a club lacrosse game in an hour." He got up and stared at me expectantly.
"Jackson I just told you that I am having your child and all you care about is lacrosse?" I felt my voice rise. He rolled his eyes and opened his door.
"We'll can talk about this later, just do what you want to do, alright?"
The walk back to the sorority house felt like it took hours, but I didn't know what I expected. Jackson would have never jumped for joy or cried but wasn't that what we should have been doing. Babies were supposed to be a blessing; this didn't feel like a blessing. That just wasn't him. I kicked myself for allowing my heart to fall for him. He would never change, never commit, at least not to me. He hated lacrosse. It was the sport that his father picked for him in middle school and he resented everything that his father touched.
Pregnant sisters weren't discussed in the house although I knew I wouldn't have been the first, but I was sure that I couldn't keep living in the house after the next semester. Would I even be able to keep going to school? Or what would I tell my parents? All the questions buzzed through my head rapid fire before I could ever finish wondering the words of the one before it. I hadn't slept since the day I found out. That had been at least a week ago. How could I ever take care of a child? I climbed the stairs leading up to my room when the entire world spun on its axis, black fog clouded my eyes.
The room filled with beeps. My eyes felt heavy, I couldn't quite get them open but voices filled the silence between the beeps. "And the baby?" A male voice asked.