“You were smiling.” I said sniffing and sat down on the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees and put my head on my crossed arms. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but for a moment, I was a total emotional wreck. I was just going to sit here feeling sorry for myself.
“What was I supposed to do? Spit on them? Punch them in the face, like you tried with the paparazzi?” Rupert asked me. He then knelt down by me and took my hand in his. “Lara, listen to me. I don’t know why you are being so sensitive today. Can you just relax? Talk to me if you need to, but don’t take it out on me.”
“I’m not trying too; I can’t seem to figure out what’s going on with me right now.” I told him, feeling confused. I wasn’t sure why I was having such a hard time right now, but everything felt off to me. I was being temperamental and very grumpy. I wanted to blame it on the hangover, but for some reason I wasn’t sure that was it. Considering my hangover had been gone for a while now.
“Lara?” Rupert began as I stood up and stopped pouting. Quietly he asked me, “Why don’t we go for a walk?”
“Sure, some fresh air might be helpful.” I told him and realized I wasn’t really mad at him. I was just upset that women threw themselves at the man I had given my heart to. That thought made me blink. The implications being that I was completely in love with him. I nearly had a panic attack at the idea of him being able to hurt me. A broken heart is never fun and is also the main reason I was hesitant to say yes to him.
Rupert took me out into the back pasture for a walk. We went past the barn where the horses were stabled. It was also where we had our first sexual encounter. Rupert always smiled when he passed the barn. He’d never forget the way I had looked all tied up in the tack and supply room. Wet, horny, and a little nervous, I was still willing to take whatever he could throw at me. They were evenly matched when it came to sexual desires.
“I’m sorry, I’m acting so weird. Something is wrong with me; I just feel funny.” I finally told him as we walked in the pasture together. I bent down to pick up a purple flower and tucked it behind my ear. “Will you forgive my tantrum?” my voice was quiet and I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. I was ashamed at my reaction after hearing his explanation.
“Of course, Lara. I can tell that it’s unusual for you. If you think there is something wrong with you, then why don’t you see our family doctor just to make sure everything’s okay?” Rupert asked her, concerned. Watching her tuck the flower behind her ear, he got distracted and leaned down to kiss her. He never got tired of being with her, spending time with her, talking to her, or having sex with her.
“I think that I will do that,” I said, whispering against his mouth as he kissed me. His tongue shoved between my lips and he brought his hand up to grab my hair. He curled his hand into a fist against my head as he tangled the hair between his fingers. He held me tight against him and within his arms I felt safe. His arms were a haven for me and it was hard to describe, but they always seemed to arouse turn me on as well. It didn’t matter how many times, nor how often we had sex. The minute he started touching and kissing me, I grew wet with desire for him.
Forgetting about everything else that had happened, I lost herself in his arms. I had this love/hate thing going on still. I hated how badly Rupert made me want him. However, I loved the way it always ended up playing out. His dominance, his control, and his ability to say the right things at the right time. He always made time for me and no matter what family obligations came up, he included her. I appreciated that.
I was in love with him and sometimes I almost hated him for it. If he broke my heart, she didn’t know what she was going to do. I had never let anyone get close enough to myself before, to put her heart on the line. He kept pestering me about getting married. He wanted her to make a bigger commitment, but I was still scared.
What if he changes his mind? What if after a few months, or years together he decided he lost interest? Lara decided she needed to talk to her mother about working through these fears, because her mother obviously had or she wouldn’t have remarried. Lara just couldn’t see a way around them, and she had never even been in love.
Rupert tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, opposite of where she’d tucked the flower. “Lara…”
“What?” I asked and looked up at him.
“Kiss me,” Rupert ordered her and touched her chin guiding her face the direction of his mouth. He pressed his lips to hers, being gentle. Normally he was hot, hard and demanding. For the moment, he was being sweet and gentle and it threw Lara for a loop.