Strictly Taboo(148)

"Behaving isn't always fun." I told him and pouted but I sat back and kept my hands to myself like he asked. I watched the city lights pass us by. The city really was beautiful, as was most of the country he would one day rule. My mom and her new husband were back from their honeymoon and being kept very busy. I was glad I wasn't the Queen, but being involved with Rupert did force some extra responsibilities on me. Like making appearances in public. I would one day be the Queen, but I didn’t have to think about it for a while. There was a lot I needed to learn about being the Queen of a country. But with the King and my mother, the Queen, both being in good health, I had time to learn. I hadn't realized how planned most of these outings were, even if you were allowed to have fun. You had to do enough work and play to be seen doing both. Rupert and I had talked about the long-term potential of our relationship, but I was dragging my feet. The thought of marriage had me in a near panic attack. After the way my Dad had destroyed my parent’s marriage with infidelity, I was extremely cautious about getting married. I almost never wanted to get married, it had scarred me that bad. How could my father have done that? Didn’t he love my mom? If he loved my mom, and was still able to cheat on her. What was the point of falling in love and getting married? It would all end badly anyways.

He wanted to marry me, but I was worried it wouldn't last. The sex was amazing, and what I felt for him sure seemed like I loved him, but I couldn't quite separate the love out from lust. It was all just a tangled mess in my brain. He was being patient with me, but what I think worried me the most was how confident he was that I was the woman for him and he didn't want or need anyone else. He barely knew me, and, for all I knew, he could just be telling me this to make me fall for him.

How could he know? Before my dad had died, he'd had many mistresses. I was surprised my mother had remarried. She'd always swore she'd never bother to fall in love again, and that she couldn't handle her husband's lack of interest over time.

I was worried of falling in the same trap. Loving a man who couldn't love just one woman. Rupert had been in all the tabloids, as a playboy. The magazines had written a number of articles about his free spirit and fun loving side. The multiple women he had been seen with throughout the world. Could he be faithful? Or would his future wife be in the same situation my mother was in? I know it's probably a biased fear based on what I'd seen growing up, but I never thought my mother would remarry again. I might just have to ask her what made her brave enough to take that leap. I looked over at Rupert and I could see spending my life with him, holding a babe in my arms that we created together, and at the same time I was afraid. The anxiety from this emotional train wreck was getting to me.

Sex was fun, but when you got your heart so involved, then what? What happens if they change their mind about it five years from now? How do you know it's worth the risk? I knew if I let myself love him, it would shatter me if he changed his mind. I don't think I was the type to give my heart to more than one person. I had boyfriends in the past and I'd always held a piece of me back. It's why none of the relationships had ever worked out.

Yet Rupert did things to me, to my brain, and to my heart that made it impossible to keep my walls up. He seeped into my being, like water through cracks. I couldn’t keep him out and I had tried. He worked his way between my legs, and in my brain in a way where I couldn't even be apart from him for more than a few hours without wishing I could see him again. I knew that the deeper I got involved with him, the greater the risk of getting hurt. I also knew that from the moment I met him, I couldn't resist him. Much like a moth to a flame.

So far, I was enjoying every moment of it. There was a niggling in the back of my brain though that had me worried about the repercussions of our actions and choices. As step brother and sister now, and royalty, we were under scrutiny by everyone. Everything we did would become public. We tried to handle our affair quietly enough that we could keep some details private. I was having a hard time adjusting to the hordes of paparazzi taking my picture nonstop. The public appearances to appease the masses was just onerous.

I admit, seeing the women throw themselves at Rupert had me laughing. I wasn't jealous exactly, but I did feel a little possessive. He didn't even seem to notice them. They could have been flies buzzing ab=round him for all the attention he paid to them. I wasn't sure if it was sad that they threw themselves at a man just because of his title, or stupid that they'd go after a man they knew nothing about. For all they knew, he might beat them if they even opened their mouth. Okay, maybe that was just my fantasy of him bending me over and spanking me.