But the nightmares weren’t the worst of it. Being awake, missing her, wanting her and knowing he’d lost her forever, was even more torture. He breathed the ache and there was no relief.
He paused in the doorway to his office, not interested in facing the paperwork the visit required, then frowned as he heard a familiar car pulling up out front. Seconds later Aaron walked into the house.
“I thought you were gone for good,” Nick told him. “You just left.”
“I’m not back because of you,” Aaron said, neither smiling nor looking happy to be there. “I’m here because three children are coming. They’ve been through enough and don’t deserve anything less than a fabulous time. Now I suppose you’re going to tell me you don’t need any help.”
“I can’t do it without you,” he said instead. “Thank you for being here.”
Aaron stared at him. “I expected so much more of you, Nick. You’re the guy who saved my life and I’ll always be grateful. You were my hero.”
Were being the operative word, Nick thought grimly, feeling like shit. “Aaron, I’m sorry.”
“For what? Making me feel bad or what you did to Izzy? I trusted you. Imagine how ridiculous I feel, knowing what you did to Izzy. She didn’t deserve it. You’re not that guy.”
There was no point in defending himself. “I know.”
“She loves you.”
More knives. These were the kind that cut to the bone but didn’t make him bleed. “I don’t know that she—”
“Just stop it,” Aaron told him. “She loves you and you betrayed her. I’m sure you’re telling yourself that it’s for the best. That you could never be the man she needs. Whatever it takes to look at yourself in the mirror.”
Aaron moved closer, his expression painfully sad. “Here’s the part I don’t get. She was good for you. She understood you and loved you, anyway. Do you know how rare that is? How special? But you don’t care. All you want is to feel guilty. You like hiding in the past—it keeps you from having to take a chance on the future. You’re not punishing yourself. You’re not atoning. You’re taking the easy way out.”
Nick did his best to hold down his anger. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Sure I do and that’s what you can’t stand. It’s like the ranch. You want to do it all yourself, but you can’t. You need us all. Just like you need Izzy. Only you’ll never admit it. You think you’re not allowed to love anyone or that it makes you weak. You know what? You’re wrong. Love is the only thing that makes us strong. It’s all that matters in the end. Who we love and who loves us.”
He paused and drew in a breath. “I don’t know all the secrets of your past. I don’t know what you’re running from. What I do know is you’ll never escape by hiding. You’ll never find what you need. You’ll just destroy everyone around you. Heroes don’t do that.”
Nick stepped out of the way as Aaron pushed past him. Then he walked into his office and shut the door.
Aaron’s words ripped through him, mostly because they were true. He had been hiding. Because by not living he could make the past right? He’d always assumed he knew what he was doing—that if he didn’t get involved, no one would get hurt.
He’d been wrong. Everyone he cared about had been hurt. So what did he do now?
“IZZY TITAN,” the stable manager said, looking over Izzy’s application. “You’re not related to those fancy, rich Titans are you?”
“Don’t I wish,” Izzy lied with a smile.The old guy laughed. “Good point. If you were one of them, you wouldn’t be looking for a job with me.” He glanced at her letter of reference. “Me and Rita go back a long way. She’s a fine woman. I guess if she says you’re okay, I can trust you. You’ll be responsible for a dozen horses and their gear. Get ’em up and ready in the morning. Get ’em saddled when they have a rider or a lesson. Saturday mornings are the worst. All the rich kids come in. Can you deal with that?”
Izzy nodded. “When can I start?”
“Tomorrow. Now you’re going to college?”
“In January.”
“We’ll work around your hours. College kids with bills to pay make motivated workers.” He held out his hand. “You got yourself a job, little lady.”
“Thanks. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Izzy walked back to her car. She’d already collected the paperwork she needed to start at community college and now she had a job. If she could just figure out a way to heal her broken heart, it would be a really good day.