How could a smell be comforting? How could it feel so good for a strong, independent girl like me to be held in the arms of a man? This man, whom I hardly knew, and from whom I only wanted nothing more than a pay cheque every month? Why would it make me feel warm and safe to be in his arms?
Memories began to well up inside me, memories long repressed and half-forgotten, of a night at Empire House, and of the same man, doing much the same thing, and a lot more besides. Hard arms around me, hot lips on mine, heat rising inside me…
I tensed in anticipation as I felt his hands move up and cup the side of my face.
‘Silence,’ he whispered into my ear in a voice so cool and soft it felt like the caress of a snowflake. ‘Simply silence. They must not hear a thing.’
You see? I yelled at myself. He’s simply doing this to keep you quiet! Be sensible. Don’t dare to imagine there’s anything else behind it!
His hand began gently stroking my face, soft as the first snow of winter falling on rose petals.
Oh God…
Don’t think. Don’t move. Don’t feel. Then, maybe, you can make it through this without contemplating who is just now pressing you to his chest as if you were his heart’s desire! Don’t think! Don’t think!
I forced myself to freeze, to stiffen into an unresponsive block of wood, as dead as the wood wool beneath me. I forced my ears to concentrate not on the breathing right above me, not on the hyperactive thumping of my own heart, but on the voices outside.
And it was as well I did so, considering what came next.
‘Hear, Your Lordship?’
‘Yes, exactly.’
I heard a dull, metallic thud as something heavy was dropped on the floor outside.
‘Very well.’ Lord Dalgliesh’s voice, muffled by the wall of wood between us, came from somewhere to my left. ‘I will go and instruct the captain about our course. You men check that everything is secure and then take up your posts. Understood?’
‘Aye, Your Lordship.’
There came several sharp clacks, and I realized the soldiers were snapping their heels together and saluting. Footsteps left the room.
No! Don’t go! You’re the only thing that keeps me distracted from Mr Am… from the someone whom I can’t think about, but who holds me in his arms, so strong, hard, unyielding! Don’t go, my dear, deadly enemies! I need you!
The hand on my cheek slowly wandered downwards, over my neck, down my spine, to the small of my back. The man whose name I couldn’t think pressed me closer against him. If only it were not totally dark around us! The blackness robbed me of any distractions, made touch the only sense I had and intensified it a thousandfold. I could feel every breath he took, every tiny movement he made against me.
He doesn't mean anything by it! He’s only doing this to keep you calm, to keep you from screaming, to keep you from acting as he thinks every silly girl who meddles in men’s affairs would act! Keep it together! He doesn't care about you!
I knew it was true, every part of it. Yet the longer he held me, the harder it was to believe.
‘It won’t be long now.’ His voice at my ear was still as steady as stone - so cold and hard it sent another shiver down my back. ‘Be still for a little longer… just a little longer…’
How could his voice be so distant while his hands were so gentle? It was a mystery to me - a mystery that tore at my heart.
Suddenly, right when my heart was torn about halfway down the middle, I heard movement from outside. The soldiers still weren’t gone. Only Lord Dalgliesh had left.
Think! Distract yourself! What could they be doing? Probably they are checking the room, making sure that nothing has been disturbed, like Dalgliesh said.
‘Soon, Mr Linton, soon.’ Mr Ambrose’s voice was still just as low, just as cold as before. ‘Soon they will be gone.’
Suddenly, a voice boomed only a few feet away:
‘Ey, look! This crate ain’t shut right!’
Above me, Mr Ambrose stiffened. His hand froze at my cheek.
‘Well, then what are ye waiting for? ‘ere!’
We heard a clinking sound. Only a second later, the crate shuddered under a series of heavy blows - the blows of the hammer that was nailing shut the lid. It took a few moments for the icy realization to flood through me: I was trapped. And, what was far worse, I was trapped with him on top of me!
*~*~**~*~*
The moment the soldiers had left, shutting the door behind them, Mr Ambrose’s arms unwound from around me.
‘They’re gone, Mr Linton. You have my official permission to scream hysterically, now.’
‘What?’ I stared up at him incredulously, although I was actually not able to see anything of him except a vague outline in the darkness.