Really? Are you sure about that? asked a little voice at the back of my mind.
I told it to shut up.
Ella pushed me away a few inches, just enough to be able to look me in the face. Hers was shimmering with tears.
‘Really? Are you sure?’
She sounded eerily like that little voice in my head.
‘I think I would have noticed, Ella. I wasn’t that drunk.’
‘Oh. Um… well, good.’
We stood there for a few moments, not knowing what to say - then Ella suddenly pulled me against her and started sobbing again.
‘Hey! I told you! My virtue is safely under lock and key!’
‘I know!’ Ella wailed. ‘I’m crying from relief!’
‘Oh. You could have fooled me.’
‘Shut up!’
‘If you insist.’
‘Never do anything like that to me again!’
‘All right. Next time I get drunk I’ll be sure to be much more promiscuous.’
‘Oh Lill! Shut up!’
I could count the number of times my little sister had told me to shut up during my lifetime on the fingers of one hand. Anne and Maria were doing it constantly, but Ella? If she was being bossy, I really must have upset her. Tentatively, I put my arms around her and pulled her close.
‘What did he do to you?’ She sobbed.
‘I told you. Nothing,’ I soothed, patting her head.
‘I don’t mean that! I mean what else happened to you? What about the drink? What did that vile man make you consume?’
‘Ella, it’s not like that. He didn’t make me, I…’
‘Don’t you dare defend him!’ Letting go of me, she stared up at me, her face wet with tears. ‘You didn’t see yourself last night. You didn’t see what had happened to you. Oh, Lill!’
‘Ella, I…’
‘I know you love him-’
O really?
‘-but you can’t defend what he has done.’
Don’t intend to while you’re glaring at me like that, trust me.
‘I thought he was good for you, Lill, I thought he loved you, but a man who can do that to a girl is not worth a grain of feeling. Please, Lill, I know it must be painful, but try to rid yourself of those feelings. They will only hurt you. He will only hurt you.’
I felt almost like laughing. Poor Ella! If she only knew that all her concerns were for nothing. If she only knew that there was no special man in my life, certainly no man who could do anything to hurt me.
An image of Mr Ambrose’s hard, chiselled face flashed across my inner vision. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so much like laughing anymore.
‘Please, Lill! Won’t you try to forget him? For me? Please?’
She looked so forlorn, so torn apart by anxiety. What could I do?
‘Of course.’ Tightening my arms, I pulled her towards me. For some reason, tears started to prick my eyes, too, and as our cheeks touched as we hugged, our tears mingled. ‘I’ve learned my lesson. Don’t you fear. Everything will be all right. Everything will be just fine.’
‘Oh Lill!’
‘Shh.’
Gently, I held her in my arms and rocked her from side to side until her sobs had subsided. The Rocking made my head ache, but seeing her like this made my heart ache, and that was far worse.
Reaching around me, Ella gently stroked my hair.
‘I… I’m sorry. I know I’m asking a lot of you. I know it can’t be easy to give somebody up, when you feel about them this strongly.’
Feel strongly? Did I feel strongly about Mr Ambrose? I had, on more than one occasion, wanted to take him by that short, shiny black hair of his and slam his head into a wall. But those probably weren’t the kinds of feelings to which Ella was referring.
‘Yes. It will be very difficult to stay away from him.’ Particularly since I want to see a pay cheque from him at the end of the month, and he isn’t going to cough it up if I’m not there, doing my job. ‘Almost impossible. But I’ll try.’
And I’ll fail. But you don't need to know that.
‘Oh Lilly. Thank you!’ Once more, she hugged me with a ferocity I would not have suspected could fit into her small, slender form. ‘It may cause your heart terrible agony now, but you will see, it is for the best.’
She let go of me. Relief was shining out of her still watery eyes, but it was mixed with apprehension.
‘You won’t blame me for this, later, will you?’ she asked fearfully. ‘You won’t say I was terribly harsh and robbed you of your love? Please, Lill, I couldn’t bear it if you thought that of me. I’m only trying to look out for you. And it’s not as if I don't understand what you’re going through. I and Edm-’