You may want anything you like - that doesn’t mean you’ll get it.
After his parting words last time we had been at work together, when he had practically threatened to find an excuse to get rid of me, I had been plagued by anxiety. I remembered so well our words before we had parted.
‘I have my own empire and consequently must deal with my own espionage and fight my own wars, Mr Linton. Right now, a war is coming.’
‘A… war? Over one piece of paper?’
‘Yes. A war. Possibly the biggest I’ve ever fought. I don't want you to be caught in the crossfire. I cannot have a girl being in danger!’
But did these words still count? Somehow, after what had happened today, I felt a strange mix of hope and fear inside me.
But it’s fear that’s the biggest part, isn’t it?
Bloody hell! Sometimes I really wished that inner voice of mine would shut up! I needed this position, more than ever now, and not just for myself. I didn’t know how things were going to go with Ella, but there was always the worst possibility of all: that she would end up alone and disgraced, forsaken by her family and her so-called lover, and maybe even with child. Things like that had happened before. Now and then you read about such a scandal in the papers. Young love run mad…
If it came to that, I would be there to save her, with enough money to take care of her. That, I had sworn to myself.
Angrily, I stepped out into the hallway and slammed the letter onto Mr Stone’s desk. I shouldn’t think like this! I shouldn’t give up hope. There was still time to discover a way to scare off Wilkins. Yet with every second that passed, I felt the darkness circle closer around my little sister. I needed this job! I had to keep it!
But it’s not really up to you, is it? It’s up to that stone-faced bastard in the office over there. Do you think he’ll ever really accept you for who you are?
Well, there was one way to find out. One way to see whether his earlier doubts about me had been laid to rest.
Swallowing my apprehension, I returned to his office and made a little bow, which he didn’t seem to notice.
‘Letter deposited as ordered, Sir.’
‘I see. Then I have another task for you. I-’
‘Sir?’
He looked up, and I might actually have detected a miniscule morsel of surprise on his face. Surprise that anyone, even such a despicable creature as I, dared to interrupt him.
‘Yes, Mr Linton?’
‘I have a question, Sir.’
Carefully he put down his papers and intertwined his fingers, regarding me over them like a sharpshooter taking aim.
‘Indeed? Well, then fire away.’
I swallowed.
‘Have we found out where the stolen file is, yet, Sir? When are we going after it?’
Mr Ambrose’s intertwined fingers clenched hard.
‘We?’ His cool voice had a dangerous undertone - and overtone and middle tone, if I was being absolutely honest. ‘We have not found anything nor will we find anything, because in we, a you would be included, Mr Linton. And you will have no further part in the search for the missing documents. I thought I already made that abundantly clear.’
This was what I had been afraid of.
‘Not clear enough for me,’ I shot back, matching his cold tone with fire. ‘Why shouldn’t I help?’
‘Because you will only be a liability. Keep to office work, Mr Linton, and leave the darker parts of this life to real men.’
The words hit me like a fist in the stomach. I didn’t know exactly why - I mean, he was right, of course, that underneath the trousers I was still absolutely female. It wasn’t the words so much as the way he said them - real men, as if men were something special, something stronger, something better than women.
So this was how things stood. Nothing had changed. He was prepared to keep me, to let me work for him, but not as he would let another work for him. He was being charitable to the poor, mad girl who wanted to earn a living. Rage welled up inside of me!
‘There is no need to concern yourself in any case,’ he continued. ‘Clues have been discovered as to the whereabouts of the mastermind behind the theft. Warren and his men are out on the streets searching for his hideout as we speak. They will soon discover it and this will be taken care of.’
‘Why won’t you let me help?’ I demanded. ‘You did last time, in the search for Simmons.’
‘That was different.’
‘Different how?’
His eyes took on a whole different level of coldness. They seemed to be staring off into icy distances, over the endless expanse of the Arctic, or some similarly desolate place I couldn’t even imagine.
‘That, Mr Linton, was before I found out who is behind this.’