Stone Cold Cowboy(62)
Mr. Higgins gasped for breath behind the oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth. He struggled, inhaling and exhaling in uneven gasps. Sadie took his hand and placed her other hand on her father’s heaving chest. His breaths evened out but remained labored. His heart rate skipped across the monitor, erratic even to her untrained eyes.
The ICU nurse rushed in, checked the monitors and her father’s vitals. “Looks like he’s in need of some more pain meds. It’s rather soon, so I’ll have to consult the doctor. I’ll be back shortly.”
“Call your brother,” Rory coaxed, placing his hands on her shoulders.
She dialed quickly, pinching her lip with her fingers, waiting for her brother to answer, but he never did. Of course she couldn’t get ahold of him when she needed him.
“Either he dumped his burner phone for a new one, the phone is off, or he’s not picking up.”
“Try him again later.”
She raked her fingers through her hair and admitted, “Actually, I’m kind of glad he didn’t pick up. I’ve got more than I can deal with right now. I’m happy to forgo the Connor drama until later when I’ll have to tell him . . .” She couldn’t bring herself to talk out loud about her father dying.
She leaned down and kissed her dad’s cheek. “I love you, Dad.” His hand contracted in hers. Just for a second and barely more than a twitch, but she felt it and it eased her heart.
Sadie turned and stared down at the man sitting behind her, waiting for her to come to him, knowing that she needed him. He held his hand out to her. She took it and he tugged her down into his lap. He didn’t say anything, just held her knowing there was nothing left to say. She didn’t need the words. She knew how he felt and what he’d say.
The heaviness in her heart eased just being close to him, feeling his strength and kindness surround her.
Rory stayed by her side through the difficult night. They barely slept, watching her father struggle to breathe, his erratic heartbeat sounding alarms nearly every other hour.
The calmer morning gave way to an afternoon filled with denying the end was near and Rory coaxing her to drink or eat something she didn’t want. Not when her heart had dropped into her stomach like a stone that weighed half as much as her grief.
Sunset brought another round of her father struggling to breathe and Sadie holding her breath as she waited to see if the long seconds he didn’t take a breath meant he was finally gone. She hated to see him struggle and suffer. As shadows filled the room, she stood by her father’s bed, held his hand, leaned down and rested her chest against his, and whispered into his ear, “Let go, Daddy. I will be all right. Mom’s waiting for you. Go to her. I love you.”
The wracking breath her father sucked in let out on a long sigh. She kissed his cheek, knowing he’d finally gone. The nurse turned off the machines and patted Sadie’s shoulder as she lay over her father’s lifeless body, her heart pressed to his. Rory’s hands settled on her back and rubbed softly up and down.
“I’ll leave you two,” the nurse said. “Take all the time you need.”
Sadie needed another thirty years. She needed a thousand more hugs. Hundreds of more conversations. More memories to tuck away and cherish.
She told him to go, but she wanted him to stay. She didn’t want to be all alone. Connor was still here, but not with her, not on her side. He wasn’t likely to come running if she was sick or in trouble. He’d likely run the other way.
She had Rory in her life. But after all that happened, would she prove to be more trouble than she was worth? Or worse, would he find her boring without all these distractions keeping him from getting to know the real her.
“Sadie, sweetheart, come here.”
She kissed her father’s cheek for the last time, stood, and turned into Rory’s open arms. She buried her face in his chest. He sidestepped around her, sitting back against her father’s bed, and held her close between his legs. Her tears came all at once. She pressed her face into his shoulder, soaking his shirt again.
She leaned back and wiped her hand over his shirt. “Seems all I do lately is cry all over you.”
“Sadie, sweetheart, your dad died. You can cry all you want.”
“I don’t know what to do now.”
“We’ll figure it out together. I’ll take you home.”
CHAPTER 17
Rory pulled up in the drive and parked behind his brothers’ trucks. Sadie leaned against his side. Not asleep, but not really aware of where they were or the long drive home. He’d left her long enough to make a phone call to his family to let them know what happened and that they were coming. Sadie took care of the paperwork at the hospital and made arrangements for her father’s burial.