“Dad, Connor has lost his way, but I can’t believe he’s hopeless.”
“No, Sadie, he chooses the wrong path even when he has other options available to him. If you have a chance for something more, something good, take it. Don’t let him keep taking pieces of you and what is yours. Don’t sacrifice what you have and what you want for someone who won’t do the same for you.” Her father’s fingers traced the scars on her wrists again.
“Since your mother died, you’ve had to do what needs to be done. You got through school. You worked to earn money that we needed here, but mostly to keep your brother from spending the rest of his life in jail. There’s little left here for you. I’m sorry about that. I wish these last years had been different for you, less struggle and more living your dreams. Everything I have will go to you, Sadie. Not because I don’t want to leave your brother a piece of what I worked so hard to hold on to, but because I leave it to you to decide how best to help your brother.
“Maybe that means not helping him at all. Maybe instead of catching him, you need to let him fall. Maybe that’s the only way he’ll learn that it hurts and to make better decisions.
“You’re a smart girl. You’ll know what to do. You can’t blame yourself for the things he’s done. His happiness and life are not your responsibility. His shortcomings are not your failures.
“My grief over your mother’s death made me too lenient with him. I regret that now. I should have been tougher. I shouldn’t have let you pick up my slack and take the lead with him. I should have been a better parent. I taught you how to be strong and see things through, but I forgot to teach you that sometimes if you hold on too tight, all you get are rope burns.”
“It’s hard to let go.” She sat beside him on the bed, leaned into him, and tilted her head to his.
Her father took her hand and squeezed it. “Yes, it is.”
CHAPTER 12
Connor’s back slammed into the stone wall. He barely had enough strength and presence of mind to keep his head from cracking against the jagged rocks. Derek’s forearm pressed against his throat. The guy smelled like stale beer and sweat, making Connor want to gag. Scott and Tony tossed their cards on the folding table and scooted their chairs back enough to give them the ability to run for the cave entrance if things went to shit. Tony slowly reached for the glass pipe and the small baggy, fisting both in his hand and stuffing them into the pocket of his too-loose jeans. They’d been playing poker and riding their high. Scott and Tony hadn’t shut up for hours, but Derek showed up and they had nothing to say.
“You fucking tell me where my drugs are or I’ll kill you.”
“They’re safe, man. Swear.”
“They’re supposed to be in that shack you call a lab.”
Connor hadn’t slept in two days. He needed another hit and stared at Tony’s hand pressed deep into his pocket. Connor wanted to tell him to fucking give his drugs back. He needed them. His skin crawled with the need. Even now, with death looking him in the eye, he scratched at his leg and wished for one more fix. The high wore off and he needed sleep, but all he could think about was sucking on that pipe and flying.
“You’ve been missing in action for days. We’re out here day in and day out cooking that shit. We take all the risks. What the hell do you do?”
“I fucking get you what you need to make that shit you smoke day in and day out. I’m the one who sets up the buys. Where are my fucking drugs?” Derek’s voice rose until the last was said in a barely controlled roar.
“We don’t deliver for two more days.”
“Fucking junkies.” Derek shook his head. “I told you that three days ago. You dumbshits were supposed to be ready to move tonight.”
Connor tried to think past the fear. His thrashing heart felt like a jackhammer in his chest. Sweat trickled down the side of his face and back, soaking his T-shirt. “Okay, I’ll go get them. I can get them. I’ll go. I’ll bring them back.”
“Where are they?” Derek shouted, spittle hitting Connor in the face.
“I hid them in the barn. They’re there. I’ll get them. I’ll bring them back.”
“Stop rambling, you stupid fuck. Are you telling me you hid them at your house?”
“Yes. Yeah. They’re there.”
“At your fucking place? Where that bitch of a sister lives? The one who’s got the cops after us. The one who’d call the cops if she found those drugs.”
“She won’t find them. She’s got no reason to go in the barn now that all the horses are gone. She won’t find them. Swear.”