He pulls out…Sarah’s phone?
“Hey, how’d you end up with that?” I ask.
“Sarah went back with me to see Collin.”
My eye brows lift in shock. “Wow, that’s a big step for you.”
“She was actually the first one to hold him.” He floors me once again.
“Oh God. I died, didn’t I?”
“Ha. Ha. Smartass.” He kisses my hand again.
“Thank you,” I say genuinely.
“I think everyone’s going to be okay, sweetheart. It’s always going to be strained, but it’s all going to be okay.”
“I want to cuddle with you,” I whisper, desperate to get close to him.
“Well there is no way I’m crawling in that bed with you after I saw what’s going on under that blanket. You need to relax and try not to move. That has got to hurt like hell.”
“Well, it’s not fun.” I smile, and he brushes the hair away from my face.
“Here.” He leans over the bed and buries his face into the side of my neck, rubbing his stubble over my cheek. I nuzzle in close for the brief and much-needed moment of closeness. “I love you. I’m so fucking sorry about today. I lost it and that almost cost me everything.”
“We’re all okay, remember?” I try to soothe him the way the he always does me. I reach up and run my hand through his hair and down his neck. “Tell me about Collin,” I ask to try to get his mind off the internal what-if game I know he’s playing right now.
He immediately sits up and scrubs his hands over his face. “He’s perfect. I swear I’ve never loved anyone so much. He’s so tiny, but I think he looks like me.”
I laugh as his eyes light while talking about his son. Our son. And it doesn’t even matter that I haven’t seen him. We’re a family.
THREE DAYS after the accident, I was released from the hospital. It broke my heart to have to leave Collin there, but it really tore up Caleb too. For a man who was originally so hesitant about the pregnancy, he sure as hell has embraced fatherhood. Caleb spent every single night sitting by my side or holding his son—sometimes the magical combination of both.
The minute we got home from the hospital, he deposited me on the couch and went to work finishing off Collin’s room. This included cleaning every nook and cranny with a toothbrush because he was terrified of germs getting anywhere near his baby. Let me just say that, there is something insanely sexy about watching your big, buff, tattooed husband on his hands and knees scrubbing the floor.
Caleb took two weeks off work and drove me back and forth to the hospital every three hours to feed our little man. Once, I had a doctor’s appointment during a scheduled feeding, so he dropped me off, went up to the hospital, and fed him a bottle on his own. It melts my heart to watch them together. My gruff prick becomes a big ole’ softie when his baby’s involved.
Exactly ten days after he was born, Collin Mitchell Jones came home. Since Caleb gave in and let me pick the first name, I couldn’t argue when he chose his father’s name for the middle. The day we picked him up from the hospital, I felt like I was walking on the clouds. Caleb, however, was a nervous wreck. He asked the nurses a million questions while I stood behind him silently laughing and shaking my head. He even took the car seat to three different police officers’ houses to have it checked to make sure it was installed properly. They weren’t even on duty, but Caleb still forced them out to his new SUV to check it. Normally I would have been offended that he wouldn’t take my word on something, but I have to admit that, after both of the car accidents that changed our lives, I was relieved to know we had done everything possible to keep him safe.
Today, Collin is one month old. It’s been an extremely long month. We are both exhausted. Collin isn’t fond of sleeping, I still cry at the drop of a hat, and Caleb still obsesses about germs and hand sanitizer. (Thank you, NICU Nurse Autumn, for that.) Hunter and Alex are finally coming up to meet Collin for the first time. We held them off for as long as possible so I could really recover and enjoy their visit. We decided to do a little get-together, and as much as it pains me, I can’t have everyone I love together in one place. Caleb and Sarah have marginally made up, but there are some bridges that can never be rebuilt. There will never be a future where Sarah and Brett can ever be in the same room. While I hate it, I can’t say that I blame him.
I don’t know the full details about what happened with Caleb, Brett, and Eli, but everyone is still alive and no one—that I know of—ended up bloody. I do know that they decided amongst themselves not to pursue an internal investigation against Eli’s actions that night. After hearing the whole story from Casey and Eli, they decided that they didn’t want them to pay for it criminally. Casey got the help she needed, and they all agreed that she had paid the price. What can I say is…having a baby changed Caleb’s outlook on life. He never would have given Sarah that leeway. While it burns, it also makes me happy that no one else will be weighted down with the responsibility of that night.