“We’ll talk about it later. I don’t even care anymore. I just need this entire nightmare to stop. It’s like a chain of events that were set into motion just to destroy me. And if anything happens to Emma, I have no doubt it will.”
Brett squeezes my shoulder reassuringly but says nothing else.
Time passes, but that’s all I know for sure. I don’t have a clue how long it’s been or if that’s a good sign or a bad one. I know that Jesse never leaves my side. She’s been holding my hand since I sat down. At some point, I remember Sarah and Casey showing up and Brett storming over to them. I just block it all out. Occasionally I catch sight of Brett pacing around us. And regardless how much I will it to stop, the world still spins beneath me.
“Emma Jones?” a nurse announces, and it has me springing to my feet.
“Yes!” I quickly rush over to her, Sarah hot on my heels.
“Are you immediate family?” she asks, and much to my surprise, it’s Sarah who answers first.
“I’m her sister, and he’s her husband.”
I turn with silent gratitude. She offers me only a small nod.
“Follow me.”
“Please. You have to give me something here. Is she okay?” I beg.
“She will be,” she says with a warm smile.
Tears finally flood my eyes as I fight to keep some semblance of composure. I stumble backwards, but Brett grabs my arm to stop me from planting my ass in the middle of the floor. She’s alive. Emma’s heart is still beating. That’s all that matters—
“What about Collin? I mean…the baby. What about the baby?” I ask as fear creeps back into my throat.
“He’s great. Little small, but he’ll be okay too. Come on. We’ll stop at the nursery to see him first while they finish up with Mom.”
“Oh God. They’re okay. They’re both okay?” I ask again because I need to hear it one more time before I can trust it.
“Everyone’s okay,” Brett says, gripping the back of my neck and trying to catch my eyes. “Get it together. You have a son. Don’t make his first memory you crying like a puss. They’re both okay,” he reiterates.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” I try to shake it off, but I know that, until I lay eyes on Emma and Collin, I won’t be able to relax.
“Let’s go meet your son, Mr. Jones.” She leads the way down the maze of halls. After stopping at a nurse’s desk, she wraps a plastic hospital bracelet on my arm. “That is the key to your son. Don’t take it off, don’t lose it, and you will be just fine.” She smiles over at us both.
“Will I be able to see him too?” Sarah asks from behind me.
“Well, now that is up to Mr. Jones. All visitors must be accompanied by a parent. So as long as he gives the A-Okay, we can go back now.”
Forgiveness is a very abstract term. It doesn’t erase the past. It’s not a magical switch you can flip or a stained rug you can just turn over. It’s merely a scar that covers the deep, dark gash that hate carved in your soul. I forgave Sarah months ago for something, it turns out, she never did, but it didn’t delete the years of hate and loathing I once felt. I’m not sure Sarah and I will ever be close. And even though the rational side of my mind says that I should be begging for forgiveness from her, my stubborn heart isn’t there yet. However, the most amazing woman I have ever met once told me that a first step is better than no step at all.
“Yeah, of course she can see him,” I answer, catching Sarah’s eyes with a tender nod.
The nurse leads us back to large room with babies in small beds lined against the wall. I look at each one as I pass, searching for one who looks like Emma. Damn it! I’d give anything for her to be here with me right now.
“Here he is.” The nurse stops in front of a little bed with the tiniest baby I have ever seen in my life.
“Oh my God,” Sarah breathes from behind me.
“Oh, shit… I mean… Oh God,” I stutter in awe.
He’s lying naked except for a diaper. There’s a tube in his mouth and wires and monitors covering his tiny chest. Warm tears slide down my face before I even realized they were falling. I’ve seen him for less than thirty seconds and I know unquestionably that I would give my own life to protect him. I didn’t think I would ever be able to love another person as much as I love Emma, but looking at this tiny baby we somehow created together proves me wrong completely.
“He’s so small. Is going be okay?” I ask, moving even closer.
The nurse giggles for a second before answering. “Yeah, he’s actually a pretty good size for his age. He weighed in at five pounds two ounces. I first want to congratulate you on your new baby. He is a very handsome little man. How about I go over what we have done with him so far and tell you how he's doing?”