Stolen Course(9)
My eyes suddenly open, and the shit storm known as my life rushes back into focus. Sitting on top of me is a raven-haired beauty. By any man’s standard, she is insanely sexy, yet the very sight of her makes my stomach turn.
“Get off me.” I roll to the side, causing her to fall to the bed.
“What the hell?” she shouts as I stand, snatching off the condom and gathering my clothes from the floor.
“What the fuck was that, Lisa?”
“That was me getting off, you dick.”
“No. I wake up from a sound sleep to you riding my dick?”
“Fuck you, Caleb. You started that shit. Don’t act like I was raping you or something. I woke up to you sliding into me. You should be thanking me. I might have been half asleep but I at least had the good sense to use a fucking condom.”
“Shit!” I run a rough hand through my hair. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Manda again?” she asks quietly, rising to her knees.
“Don’t you say her name. Ever,” I say to the wall, not wanting to make eye contact with her. I don’t even bother to offer her a second glance. I barely tug my jeans over my ass before I’m out the door and pulling on my shirt as I walk to my truck.
This isn’t the first dream I’ve ever had about Manda, but it is most definitely the first time she has ever morphed into a different woman. And of all women for her to become, it had to be Emma fucking Erickson. I shouldn’t be thinking about her, and she sure as shit should not be invading my dreams. But as I drive home, I can’t stop thinking of those two seconds she was riding me. The way it felt with her long blond hair sweeping over my face and her blue eyes piercing into mine. Worst of all, I can’t help but remember the way it felt when she came, even if it was Lisa I was inside. Fuck.
WHEN I get home from Lisa’s, I’m desperate to escape these thoughts of Emma Erickson. I know just the way to do it, too. I walk into my dark and empty house, flipping on the lamp, and head straight to my hall closet. I open the door to retrieve the cardboard file box I keep hidden away on the top shelf. I’m the only one who knows it’s there, but that doesn’t mean I don’t pull it out almost daily. Living alone has its perks sometimes.
I carry the box to my kitchen table and follow the same sick routine I always do. After pulling off the lid, I begin my nightly investigation. Laying each picture of the wreck out in front of me, I scan every single image. I’ve looked at them so many times over the last few years that I could probably draw them from memory. I can’t even begin to tell you how many hours I’ve spent reading and rereading witness statements from that night. I have them memorized at this point, but that doesn’t stop me from poring over them, wishing and praying the answers will somehow jump from the page.
Even though the wreck that stole Manda from me was almost five years ago, my need to know what happened that night is still as strong as it was the night I vowed to never stop searching.
“CALEB!” I hear wailed from outside my door. “Caleb, please open up.” I immediately recognize the voice as Sarah’s. Her tone softens as she begins to beg and, if I’m not mistaken, cry. “Please.” I hear a loud thunk that I can only imagine is her head dropping against the door.
I pause for a second, trying to make sure I’m fully awake before opening the door. I don’t need to face this situation with a groggy head. I scrub my face and glance round the room. My eyes land on the small potted violet on my end table in the corner. I stare at it for a minute, remembering why it’s there and losing my breath in the process. The guys at the station all chipped in and sent me that ridiculous flower the day of the funeral. I’m sure Dana, the receptionist, ordered it. None of them had any clue how much Manda hated the color purple. Oh yeah, I need to go back to bed. This is all too fucking real. My Manda is still gone.
I can’t help that I immediately flash to Manda’s face as I kissed her goodbye that horrific night. She had a bright smile and shining green eyes. She was clinging to my leg under the table when Brett announced that we had to leave. When I look back, it’s as if she were subconsciously trying to keep me with her. The permanent knife in my gut twists just a little deeper at that thought. Not a minute has passed in those three months since the accident where I haven’t imagined the ‘what if I had stayed’ scenario. But I didn’t, and that one decision cost Manda her entire life.
There are a lot of things I would change about that night, and all of them would leave my fiancée laughing beside me. Manda and I fought a lot, including on the way to Westies that night. Looking back, I realize that it was a stupid argument, but I would live it on loop for the rest of my life if it meant I just got to keep her.