I can see the exact moment Sarah shifts from denial and rage and begins to rationalize her way out of this.
“Where’d you go? Where the fuck did you go, Casey? If you were there, someone would have seen you. It’s not like you could walk home. I’ve been to that tree a million fucking times. You couldn’t just walk away. Where did you go, God damn it?!”
“Eli was the first on the scene.”
Sarah and I both suck in a huge breath at the implications of that statement.
“Eli wasn’t there that night,” I say softly. I asked Caleb this very question a while back. Eli was on duty, but he was off at a domestic disturbance call. According to Caleb’s ‘box,’ Stephens was the first on the scene.
“No, he wasn’t as far as anyone else is concerned, because he was driving me home. Sarah, I swear, we both thought you were dead. When Eli pulled up, I was wandering around high and desperate. It was obvious Manda was gone. Even in my haze, I could recognize that. But you—I tried to bring you back. I tried to help but you just wouldn’t wake up.” Casey’s words are heart wrenching as she gets lost in her memories.
Tears openly fall from all of our faces as I distantly hear my phone ringing in the corner. Sarah and Casey might both be sitting on the floor, but I’m the only thing standing between them. I’m not about to move.
“WHERE THE fuck is she?” I begin to pace around the house Brett just bought without Jesse knowing.
“Chill out. She’s fine.”
“She’s fine? Remind me to tell you that when Jesse is eight months pregnant and disappears.”
“Jesus Christ, she didn’t disappear. She texted you, like, thirty minutes ago that something came up.”
“She also said she would call in a few minutes to update me, and now she isn’t answering her phone. What if—”
“She’s fine! If you’re so worried about it, get the fuck out of here and go check on her.”
“I’ll look like a dick for checking up on her,” I say, pacing the floor, but my mind is already made up.
“You are a dick. I think she’s used to it by now. Go barge in on her drinking coffee with her sister, but let me know when you find her,” he answers, dragging a tape measure up the wall.
“I’ll just give her fifteen minutes. Maybe call her another dozen times,” I say, absent of all humor. Realistically, I’ll probably call her thirty times over the next fifteen minutes.
I peek out the window and look at the heavy snow falling on the frozen roads. What if she’s hurt or stranded?
Fuck it. She can be pissed.
“I’m out of here.” I yank open the door and head for my truck.
“I WAS all over the place when Eli got there. He put me in the back of his car to keep me from wandering away. He immediately went to work on you and Manda. Finally, he came running up to the car and sped away. I tried to stop him, but he said there was another car and ambulance a minute out and they would take care of you.”
“Why the fuck would he have left us there? He could have saved her!”
“She was gone. The minute I hit that tree, Manda was gone. Her green eyes were wide open, looking at me when I found her.” All three of us flinch at her painful memory, and Sarah throws a hand to her mouth as her stomach threatens to revolt. “Please don’t blame this on Eli. He loved me. He knew I was high, and we both thought you two were gone. The plan was that I would go and turn myself in as soon as I sobered up, but when you didn’t remember anything, I sat back and allowed you to self-destruct because I was too afraid to face the consequences.” She sucks in a strangled cry.
“No. Please stop. Just stop,” Sarah begs, remembering the night she has no memory of through Casey’s words.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Sarah. I should never have agreed to drive you guys home that night. I sure as hell shouldn’t have waited five years to tell you this. I was just…”
“Shut up,” Sarah snaps at her. “Shut up, and never mention this again. This begins and ends here.” Sarah wipes her tears on the backs of her sleeves and rises to her feet. I stand beside her, looking puzzled by her response but not willing to drop my guard. “As far as everyone is concerned, I was driving the car that night. It’s over. Let it go.”
“I can’t do that. I honestly can’t live like this for even a minute longer. I’m done. Being buried beside Manda would have to feel better than this.”
“Casey. Don’t say that.” I try to stop where her mind is headed, yet once again, Sarah is the one who makes the real impression.