As my eight a.m. alarm begins buzzing in my ear, I silently beg for the clock to turn back an hour. I need to get up and meet with a Realtor. Jesse found a lead on a building near Nell’s, the coffee shop where she used to work. I need a studio so I can really expand my business. But damn, I’m exhausted. I fell asleep fully dressed last night after a four-hour-long photo shoot for the local college. I hit the snooze button, but as soon as I doze back off, my phone begins to ring.
“May I please speak to Emma Erickson?”
“That’s me,” I say, desperately wanting to roll back over and go to sleep.
“Hi, Emma. This is Lynn, Dr. Parker’s nurse. I was wondering if you would be able to come in this morning for an ultrasound?”
“Huh?” I ask, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “Why this morning? My next appointment isn’t for another week.”
“Yes, I’m aware. However, your blood work we took last week has a few unexpected markers. I’m sure it’s nothing, but we would love if you could come in and let us take a look at your baby. You haven’t had an ultrasound in several weeks. We would like to check on the baby’s heart now instead of waiting until your twenty-week appointment.”
“Oh, God. Is something wrong?” I question as fear consumes me.
“No, I’m not saying that at all. All I am saying is your blood work came back with a few abnormalities. We would like you to come in this morning so we can talk a quick peek and make sure everything is okay.” Her words do nothing to reassure me.
Numbness overtakes my body. This may not be the most expected pregnancy, but I unquestionably love my baby, and I know somewhere deep down Caleb does too. My heart begins to race as I rub my small bulge. My mind frantically tries to think of every possible outcome, but I feel like I’m in the dark. I don’t even know what ‘markers’ are, but based on this phone call, I know they terrify me.
“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
I ARRIVE home, walking on cloud freaking eleven (nine isn’t even high enough today). I’m still mad at Caleb, and I hate that he wasn’t there for me again today, but I didn’t feel comfortable enough to ask him to come to the appointment with me. I was too scared that he would say no. I couldn’t handle his rejecting me this morning, so I went alone instead. Apparently, those ‘markers’ the nurse mentioned on the phone were indicators of several possible birth defects. I can’t thank God enough that they didn’t tell me that until after they told me that our baby looked okay. However, the sense of relief I felt in that moment still has me reeling. So what did I do? I went out and spent a hundred bucks on groceries and cooked a huge-ass steak dinner to celebrate.
When Caleb walks in, I could care less that he is still a selfish prick. I just want some company at my party.
“Hey!” I shout across the loud music blasting from my iPad.
“What are you doing?” he asks, obviously bewildered.
“Dancing!” I spin in a circle that would have had him laughing his ass off weeks ago.
“Well, can you turn it down? I need to do some work and get some sleep,” he replies, absolutely dumbfounding me.
“What happened to you?” I snap in his direction. “Where did the funny guy that I fell in love with go? You are always just a fucking dick now, Caleb.”
“You want to know what happened, Emma?” The cold chill of my real name rolling off his tongue makes me flinch. I’m always Emmy or sweetheart, but for the last few weeks, I’ve just been Emma. “I asked you to marry me and you said no.” He pauses for a beat before roaring, “I won’t beg another woman to marry me!”
“You wouldn’t have to beg if I thought it was really me you wanted to marry!” I scream right back at him. “I’m not Manda!”
“You don’t get it.” He begins to walk away.
“And here we are again. You get pissed and walk away. Am I responsible for your baggage with Manda? Jesus Christ. Look at us, Caleb! We live under the same roof, but that is all. Well guess what? Denial doesn’t change the fact that there will be a baby here in few months. Damn it, Caleb. Grow up! At some point, you have to let go and start healing. I have no idea what the hell happened at the doctor’s office, but is it worth all this?”
“Oh don’t give me that, Emma. You ignore me just as much as I do you. This is the first time you have spoken to me in weeks, and it’s only so you can bitch about what a dick I am.”
“Can you blame me? I cry myself to sleep every night while you sit completely unreachable only fifteen feet away. Well, that is if you are even home.”