“Shit, Emma. You are just as stubborn as he is. No, you don’t deserve his bullshit, especially not right now.” His eyes drop down to my stomach. “However, you do need to cut the man some slack. You struck a seriously painful nerve with him today.”
I sit quietly, not responding. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, but no matter what Brett says, I won’t be made to feel guilty about this. I did nothing wrong. I love Caleb, but I refuse to let him take his issues with Manda out on me.
Brett finally starts the car and begins to pull out of the parking lot. “By the way, I think it’s hilarious that you would think Caleb is noble enough to marry you just because you’re pregnant. He’s a good guy, but not that good. If he said anything to you about marriage, it’s because he wants to marry you. That’s a really big deal to him—as it should be.”
“I’m not her,” I say under my breath.
“Emma, no matter how much you try to avoid it, Caleb’s past is going to affect you. He is who he is today because of his time with Manda. The same way I am who I am with Jesse because of my time spent with Sarah. Trust me. That was harder for me to accept than anyone else.” This time, it’s Brett who looks out the side window, seemingly lost in his past. A few seconds later, he continues. “He loves you, Em. Baby or not. Caleb wouldn’t fight for you if he didn’t.”
“Yeah, he was really fighting for me today when he walked out on me.”
“Sometimes you have to fight down the demons before you can help the angels,” he says, causing the tears to spill over my eyes. “I wouldn’t trade a single second of my life with Jesse, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with the way things went down with Sarah. Give him a break. I’m not telling you to forgive him. I’m just asking you not to give up on him.”
“Are you happy?” I find myself asking.
“Extremely,” he answers quickly and confidently.
“I know I’ve said it before, but I still stand by it—Jesse is amazing.” I wipe away the tears from my face.
“You have no idea the depths of that woman’s heart. And speaking of, I’m under direct orders to take you back to our place. She should be back by now. I think she’s already got Kara and the entire chocolate section at Nell’s on the way over too.” Now this makes me smile.
“That sounds fantastic.” I’m ready to change the topic. This is entirely too deep for us. Brett and I joke and laugh, not talk about the moments that will define our futures. “Hey, look! I’ve got ultrasound pictures.” I drag them out of my purse.
He plucks them from my hand as he pulls up to a stoplight. “Aw, look! It has Caleb’s black-and-white lines,” he says with a laugh that has me joining him for a much-needed break from the heaviness.
“Thank you.” I smile at him, and we both know that I mean it for more than just a ride home.
“Any time, Em. Any time.”
NOTHING HAS been the same since that day at the doctor’s office. I stayed with Jesse and Brett for a night, then another night at my old apartment that I never even got to share with Sarah. But finally, I had to go back to Caleb’s.
It’s been three weeks, and with the exception of ‘can you pass the salt’ conversation, we don’t even speak. It’s awkward at best. I’ve cried myself to sleep more times than I can even count over the last few weeks, and if it weren’t for Sarah, I would be gone. Hunter wants me to come home. Even Alex asked me to move back. I can’t leave again though. He might have been able to leave me, but I won’t take his child away from him. No matter how much he doesn’t want it. Caleb may not be on my list of favorites right now, but I’ll still love him eternally. I don’t even have a choice about that.
I’m not used to these feelings of insecurity and vulnerability. I’ve never been like this about a man before. I’ve also never been pregnant before either. It’s more than that though. Pregnancy might be expanding the seven hundred emotions, but they all have the same origin—a gorgeous man who’s covered in tattoos and has the most brilliant blue eyes I’ve ever seen. The man who made me want to fight for forever. The same man who is too preoccupied to even realize that I’m still fighting for us.
Caleb stays gone almost every night until ten or eleven p.m. I was really worried at first, until one night when I was driving home from Kara’s house and saw his truck sitting at the cemetery. And because insecurity is not a pretty color on me, I drove past and checked the following three nights in a row. He is always there. I don’t want to be jealous. I said that I would always respect his past, but watching him run to her tears me open. I have given myself a million pep talks in the mirror about how strong I am and how every single moment of this self-imposed separation from Caleb shouldn’t be complete agony. I don’t need him…right? But no matter how hard I try, I can’t lie to myself. This is absolute hell.