“Damn it! I don’t know! I didn’t exactly have time to think this plan through.” I sit for a minute, trying to catch my breath, then burst into laughter right along with him.
“How about if I have any news about Sarah, I’ll text first and ask you to call me? Would that keep you from worrying every time I call?”
“Yeah, that works. Although I’m kind of hating on you right now. Your plan is good, and mine sucked.”
“It really was a bad plan,” he answers.
I’d give anything to see the grin that I know he’s wearing right now. I only saw him smile once at the hospital, but it’s etched into my memory.
“Okay, so what’s up? I didn’t expect to hear from you again tonight.”
“Why not? I told you I’d call when I got home.”
“But then I said I was going to bed and to just call me tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but I said I’d call you when I got home, so I’m calling you now that I’m home,” he says firmly. “Don’t worry. I’ll still call tomorrow too,” he tries to tease.
“Wow, you’re just getting home? Did you hit the strip club on the way? Get a little Friday night eye candy before heading home?” I laugh at the silly joke, but Caleb is silent. “You still there?” I say, pulling the phone away from my ear to make sure the call didn’t get dropped.
“Yeah, I’m here,” he says before letting out a loud sigh. “I stopped at Manda’s grave. It’s on my way home from gym, and I can’t pass by without stopping.”
“Shit.” I bite my lip, feeling like a total asshole. “I’m sorry. I was just being funny. My jokes obviously need a lot of work these days.”
“It’s okay,” he says dryly.
“Fuck. I just… I’ll let you go.”
“Does it bother you?” he asks, catching me just before I hang up.
“What? You going to Manda’s grave?”
“Yeah,” he says sadly, and it makes my heart ache for him.
“No, it doesn’t bother me at all. You lost someone you loved. I’d be a bitch if it bothered me. I just didn’t know, and I made a stupid joke. I’m sorry.”
“I go about three times a week,” he oddly announces.
“Okay…” I trail off, not sure how to respond.
“I just thought you should know. I wasn’t sure if it would bother you or not. You know, now that we are kind of talking, I guess. I don’t know. I just wanted you to know.”
“Caleb, does it bother you that I know? Because you don’t have to share stuff like that with me if you don’t want to. But just so you know, I will never in a million years have a problem with any part of Manda or your past together. She’s gone, but I don’t expect you to forget about her just because we have started…talking.” I repeat his term from earlier.
It’s true. Caleb and I really aren’t doing anything but talking, and we have only done that once. Yet, it still seems like this is more, and we both know it.
“Emma, I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.” He lets out a loud sigh. “I haven’t dated anyone since Manda.”
“What?” I yell across the line. “Never?”
“Nope. Never.”
“Damn, it’s been five years! You must jerk off like twelve times a day!”
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why I would say that to him in the middle of a serious conversation? However, acting like a raving lunatic, for once, works in my favor. Caleb actually starts chuckling.
“I said I haven’t dated anyone, not that I haven’t had sex. But thank you for worrying about how many times I jerk off. It makes me feel a lot less pervy about where my mind has been when thinking about you.”
“Oh, okay. That makes more sense! Wait, what exactly have you been thinking about me?”
“Nothing you haven’t been thinking about me, obviously.”
“Well, I don’t masturbate twelve times a day.”
“Stop ruining my daydreams, woman!” He laughs into the phone.
I play along. “Actually, I do it thirteen times.”
“That’s my girl,” he rumbles over the line, ensuring that today’s real count will be at least one. “Go back to sleep, Em. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Hey, Caleb? Before you go… I’m serious about Manda. I don’t have any issues with you having a past. I’m not an insecure girl who is trying to compete with her memory. So if you ever want to talk about her or anything…I’m here, okay?
“You really are an amazing woman, Emmy,” he says in a joking tone, but I know he means it.