“Over brownies. OK.” She turned and led the way through the archway and into the living room. “Ignore the mess of paper and make yourself at home. I’ll grab the milk.”
When she returned, Caroline had the papers arranged in a neat pile and the brownies set out on the coffee table. She had claimed a spot on the floor, close to the treats
“Did Josh make those?” Lily set the milk on the table and followed her late-night guest’s lead, settling down on the floor.
Caroline nodded. “When he brought them over, I asked him out on a date.”
“Oh, that’s great.” Lily smiled. She only knew pieces of Caroline’s situation, but a date seemed a logical follow-up to a first kiss. “I’m glad you’re going to get back out there.”
Caroline selected a brownie from the pan. “It’s taken me that long to feel ready to share a meal with him. Over a year.”
She had to say something. “Noah didn’t tell me the details,” she said. “But I’ve heard bits here and there, enough to know—”
“That I was raped?” she said. “That I spent the rest of my deployment looking over my shoulder waiting for my commanding officer to attack me? That I was more afraid of him than the supposed enemy?”
“I didn’t . . . I didn’t know the details,” Lily stammered. “That’s awful.”
“I thought it would destroy me. But . . .” She plucked a large corner brownie from the pan. “Now I’m going on a date. With a man I like and . . .”
Caroline stared at her brownie as if the baked treat might find the right word for what she felt.
“Desire?” Lily supplied.
“Yes.” Caroline looked up at her. “But it took me over a year. And I made a lot of mistakes along the way. There were small victories too. Like the first time I was able to leave the house without pulling my gun on someone.”
Lily studied the woman sitting cross-legged on her floor. “Are you armed now?”
“Noah insists on keeping the guns locked up. I had a few setbacks. Just because I left the house once without getting scared and pulling out my weapon didn’t mean I could repeat that every day.”
Lily nodded. She knew the lesson ran deeper than don’t give Noah’s friend firearms. “So you’re saying I should give myself more time? Focus on the small victories. That I shouldn’t expect to feel safe and secure on my own this soon?”
Caroline nodded as she took a bite of her brownie. After chasing it with a sip of milk, she added, “That and there is a drunken former ranger at Big Buck’s who is madly in love with you. He wants to buy you flowers and he’s told anyone who will listen that hell will freeze over before you run them down the garbage disposal.”
If Dominic brought her flowers, she would keep them. But it would take a lot more than roses to win her trust and her love now. She’d gone back to him too many times.
“But underneath all his talk,” Caroline continued, “I think he might need you as much if not more than you need him.”
Lily set her brownie down. “He doesn’t—”
“Someone hurt him too,” Caroline said quietly. “His bad guy had a gun, not a knife, and Dominic walked into the situation knowing he might be attacked, but that still takes something from you. What it steals? That depends on the person.”
Lily stared out into her brightly lit yard. Caroline was right. Dominic had been hurt too. The bad guy with the gun—the terrorist—had stolen away his hopes and dreams for the future. He’d blown away Dominic’s identity and left him lost. And after that . . . well, she could forgive him for not coming back to her. Because she knew that it wasn’t easy to pull yourself back together. “If we’re both so broken, I don’t know if we can help each other,” she said slowly. “There are things I need from him.”
Trust. A promise that he’ll stay. . .
“Do you love him?”
She nodded. “I think I always have, even when I was so mad at him I wanted to throw things. But I’m not sure that’s enough anymore.”
“You don’t have to decide now,” Caroline said as she nudged the pan toward Lily. “Have another brownie first.”
LILY WALKED UP the porch steps cradling a brown paper bag overflowing with school supplies and feeling like she’d won a series of small victories. She’d taken a shower that morning while alone in the house and she hadn’t panicked when she’d closed her eyes. At first. She’d opened them too soon and felt the sting of shampoo, but still, one baby step forward.