Gill opens the door and saunters right past a woman and two little girls, both of them around Solène's age, without batting an eye.
“We're in Seattle,” I tell them as I follow after, “gender is fluid.”
The older woman snaps her mouth closed as I breeze out of the bathroom and stand next to Gill, who's smiling so widely and brightly that he doesn't even look like the same man from a few minutes ago.
“So, honey, where to now?” he asks, tucking his hands in his pockets and glancing over at me.
Take yourself there, Regina, and let yourself believe it. If you do, then so will they. That's what Gill told me when I asked why we had to start the heist off with a gun to my head. It's all about acting like you know who you are and what you're doing and convincing everybody else that that's the truth.
“Actually, I'm a little beat. You want to get out of here? I'd like to go back to the hotel and watch Netflix on my laptop.” I give him an overwrought smile, letting it stretch across my face.
“I was hoping to have a beer at the Athenian,” he says, checking his watch and then shrugging. “But I guess we can do that tomorrow? We have a whole two days left in Seattle.”
“Don't forget about the Space Needle!” I say with false enthusiasm. Gill chuckles and wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me in close and tucking me against him. I fit there like I was made for it. And I hate that. And I love it. Shit. “Am I overdoing it?” I ask and he chuckles, the sound vibrating through me, straight to my cold, bare toes.
“A little, but that's what I like about you. Better to achieve more than less.”
“In reality, I just hate tourists. When I pretend to be one, my inherent ire leaks out of my pores.” Gill laughs again, the sound genuine and real, old school Gilleon. It makes my heart hurt.
“We're going to head into the parking garage. A bit risky, but there should still be plenty of people to provide some cover.” I nod and let him lead me across the Skybridge with its teal metal walls and massive windows looking out over the street and the stream of silver rain cascading down to the pavement below.
“Where did we park again?” I ask, letting my brows wrinkle up and tapping a finger against my lips. Gill glances over at me with a smile and then freezes, like he's seen something he wishes he hadn't. Without a word, his hand flies out and grabs my wrist, yanking me against his chest. He cups the back of my head and kisses me, sliding his tongue deep.
I take the opportunity to enjoy being undercover. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be able to kiss him like this, taste him and hold him and pretend for one easy fucking second that we really are a couple dressed in silly tourist duds, exploring a new city and worrying only about what restaurant we're going to eat at for breakfast in the morning. I wanted that with Gill, desperately.
I like being with him, even now. No. No. I love being with him.
The realization hits me like a shock wave, making me tighten my grip on his neck, press deeper into the kiss. It can't come true, can never be real again, because I won't let it. You don't get hurt as badly as I do and walk away without a limp. I can never forget what Gill did to me, to Solène. If I let myself really love him again, really and truly, I could never trust him. And what's love without trust? It's like a skyscraper with no foundation. Sure, it can touch the sky, but even a small gust of wind can knock it over.
Doesn't stop me from gnawing on his lower lip, inhaling hard each time our lips break and then touch again, leaning my body as close to his as I can get it.
“Regi,” he whispers as his hands knead my hips through my jeans, his fingertips brushing a bare bit of skin between the cotton of the T-shirt and the blue denim. I slide my tongue across Gill's teeth, tasting him, absorbing him with my mouth. “Regi,” he says again, a bite of wry amusement in his voice. “They're gone.”
I pull back with a start, blinking away my emotions with a few bats of my eyelashes, praying that Gill won't realize what I was doing. Please attribute what I just did to overacting, I think at him, knowing full well that he's already picking up on my feelings. Even if he's not showing it at the moment, he knows. He always knows.
The barriers I've erected to keep myself safe seem to have holes in them.
I'll have to figure out a way to repair them—and fast. If Gill really is trying to get back together with me, then he'll pursue my heart with the intensity of a cat stalking its prey. And if he knows I miss him, that I still love him, then he'll never let me walk away.
I take a deep breath as Gill wraps his hand around mine, his eyes scanning the parking garage with that laser sharp gaze of his. He keeps an easy smile on his face while he does it, pretending to search for our car, but his eyes … they stay cold and clinical as he pauses next to a white minivan and slides a key from his pocket.