“Jealous?” I ask as I stop and turn to look at him, at the dark strands of hair plastered across his forehead from the rain. “Why would you be jealous? You left me, Gilleon. You walked away from what we had and never looked back.”
“Oh, I looked back plenty,” he snarls, and I can't tell if it's me he's angry with—or himself. I watch as droplets of water cling to his muscles, sliding across the black and gray of his tattoos, leaving them shining and stark in the clear morning air. “I've been watching you for years, Regi.”
“And that's not creepy at all,” I say, taking a step back and giving him a look that I hope showcases how bizarre I find that last statement. “What the hell does that even mean?”
“It means,” he says, taking a step towards me, water running down that perfectly straight nose of his, catching on his lips, “that no matter how far I run or how fast I go, what country I'm in, or what the job is, there's always been one constant in my life.”
I can't look at Gill's face right now, can't take the cracks that are showing in that cold, professional facade of his. In this moment, I can hear the echo of the old Gilleon, the one I fell in love with. The sound's almost too painful for me to bear.
“What are you trying to say?” I ask him, my voice catching. My body's painfully aware of his nearness, of the sharp contrast between the cold of the rain and the warmth of his skin. The water sticks Gill's shirt to his chest, highlighting that perfect body of his.
“You're my constant, Regi,” he growls, clutching at the fabric over his heart. His strong fingers twist the material, turning his knuckles white, emphasizing the straight, sharp lines of his tattoos. I watch him breathing hard, drawing in rain drenched breaths, but I can't make myself take a single gulp of air. My chest is still, my heartbeat slowing. “I never forgot you for one single moment, never spent a single day without wishing I was with you, without missing you so bad it hurt.”
Before I can even move, Gill is stepping towards me, cradling the back of my head in his strong hand, pulling my face up to his. My lashes flutter and my body betrays me as I open my mouth and feel his hot and insistent against me, his tongue sliding between my lips. Gill's other arm encircles my waist and pulls me towards him, drawing me up onto my bare toes.
My high heels fall to the sidewalk as my fingers go slack and my mind goes blank, completely and utterly blank. I can't think beyond Gill's kiss, against the heat of his hands, or the quietly restrained strength in his arms.
Memories reach up and grab me, sending me to a hundred other moments, a thousand other seconds, reminding me how good it feels to be with the person you love—even if they've done you wrong, even if you know it can't work out, even if you know it'll all end in heartbreak.
Gill tastes exactly like I remember him, our bodies molding together like we were made for each other, like all the days that've passed between then and now don't mean a thing. I exist in spans and segments, pockets of time where Gilleon and I are together. The rest just seems to fade away until it doesn't matter anymore.
Water sluices between our lips, sliding down my bare chest and underneath my jumpsuit. Each drop is intense, painfully so, dragging itself down my heated skin until I'm panting and shaking, until my knees feel weak and my fingers slide up and curl in Gill's soggy T-shirt of their own accord.
A soft growl escapes Gill as he pulls me tighter against him, and I moan, not caring that I'm standing right there in the middle of the sidewalk, rain plastering bits of hair to my face, sticking my clothes to my body. They feel stifling, suffocating, and I can't wait to tear them off.
Tear them off?
A small part of me—a very small part—snaps to and sends a blurry haze of memories crashing against my psyche. Coming home and finding our apartment empty, my fingers clutching the letter so tightly it crumpled, setting up a crib in Cliff's spare bedroom, naming my baby alone and leaving her with her grandfather because I'd let myself feel weak and small.
I don't feel weak and small anymore.
I break the kiss and push back, almost stumbling when Gill releases his grip on me. My knees are still like jelly and my brain is only working at half capacity, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this right here, this can't happen. It won't be good for anybody, least of all me.
“Some mistakes are too big to be erased with the shadow of a promising kiss.”
I wipe my mouth on my arm, like that'll somehow make me forget the heat and the passion in Gill's lips, his face, the shockingly bare emotions flashing in his gaze. I look up into those eyes, like the surface of a lake on a clear day, right before the clouds roll in and ruin everything.