Stepbrother Inked(28)

"Like Max?" I asked and I felt Flor cringe beside me. "I know Max is no  good, Flor. I caught him cheating on me last night. But I'm not with him  because I love him. I'm with him because he sees me as a woman, because  I want someone to hold me at night, but mostly  …  " I trailed off for a  moment, but then decided fuck it. "Mostly, I'm with him because he  reminds me of you."

Flor growled low in his throat and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his thighs, resting his head in his hands.

"But this will never work, right? Even if I love you and you love me and  we both want to  …  sleep with each other. I think I get it, Flor. I get  it. You have other girls and other priorities and it's just not worth  it."

"I can't, Abigail. Why can't you understand that? I can't. I just can't.  I've tried to forget about you." He lifted his head just enough to look  at me. "I'm trying to move on, but when you look at me like that  …  "  Flor sat up and looked straight at me. "When you smell this good, when  you feel this soft  …  " He ran his fingers along my cheek and I cringed  away, not because his touch bothered me but because it felt so good. Too  good. Perfect. "All I want is to be with you." My heart sputtered,  stilled, stopped. "But I can't. When our parents got married, I swore  that I would take on the role of big brother and I have, damn it. I am  your brother, whether you like it or not."

I threw myself off that couch, practically falling over the coffee table  in my haste to get away from Flor. He stood up, too, and I spun to face  him, but before we could take the conversation any further, a knock  sounded at the door. Before either of us could be bothered to open it,  it swung inward and there was Rhonda, the drag queen. Only  …  today she  didn't look so much like a drag queen. Her fluffy, frothy blonde hair  was slightly damp, hanging straight past her shoulders like she'd  recently showered. The over the top makeup was gone; all she had on was a  dash of eyeliner, a splotch of shadow, and some lip color. In her tight  skinny jeans and purple corset top, she was pretty. No, not pretty,  gorgeous. Sexy. Put together. All the things I wasn't and would never  be.

We stood there staring at each other for several silent seconds before  she smiled at me, lighting up her face in a way that made my blood  chill.

How many times had she and Flor slept together? How many times had he  kissed her, whispered sweet nothings in her ear? Had he ever told her he  loved her?

"Abi, nice to see you again. What are you two up to?"

"I was just leaving," I said, noticing the bag of takeout in her right  hand. Either she didn't know tonight was family dinner night or she  didn't care. I moved around Rhonda and down Flor's front steps before I  remembered that I didn't have my car with me. Downtown Springfield in  the middle of the night, still not a savory place to be by myself. I  noticed Rhonda's car in the driveway next to Flor's and held out my hand  when he came out to see what I was doing. "Keys," I whispered in a  voice so rough it was like gravel.                       
       
           



       

Flor hesitated before depositing them in my hand. When he did, he tried  to grab hold of me, but I pulled away. Noticing that Rhonda's eyes were  on me, I forced myself to hold back another burst of tears. When I  climbed in the car and started down the street, I looked in the rearview  mirror and saw that Flor was still watching me with those green eyes,  eyes I'd fallen in love with. Eyes that would never look at me the way I  wanted them to.





I went home to a dark apartment, lit only by Addi's Christmas lights, and found a note taped to my bedroom door.

Out with Pat till late. TURN YOUR PHONE ON AND CALL ME!

I smiled sadly through the tears that just wouldn't seem to stop and  went into my room, sliding open the closet doors and pulling out my  cello. I hadn't played it since graduating high school, but I felt like I  needed it now.

I sat down in the living room, closed my eyes and played the prelude to  the first of Bach's infamous cello suites, letting my heart guide my  hands. It might be broken, but maybe that was the point? Yuu's words  from the WOW Hall came back to me. It's going to blow your mind and  break your spirit, and then it's going to put you back together again.  Well, I'd been right to doubt that a simple concert could do that to me,  but Flor's words? The first half of the equation had been accomplished  oh so well.

I was shattered. I felt broken. Never in my life had I felt so alone.

Flor had always been by my side and although I'd had to keep a secret  all these years, I'd been wrong about one thing. Pretending that there  was some hope for us, not knowing if we could ever be, that was so much  better than knowing we never would be. I shouldn't have told him  anything, should have left things as they were. At this rate, our  friendship would decay just as quickly as the relationship we could  never have.

Flor left me in pieces.

Now it was up to me to put myself back together.



When Addi came home early that next morning and found me sleeping on the  living room floor with my cello, she practically tore the story from my  throat, glaring at me with those caramel-brown eyes of hers until I  fessed up about everything.

"That pig," Addi growled, her righteous indignation making me smile.  "God, I knew I hated him, but this  …  " She made a noise in her throat  and ran her tongue over her lower lip like a predator getting ready to  hunt down some particularly troublesome prey. She looked it, too, in her  high-high heels that she didn't bother to take off, stomping around the  kitchen like it was a runway. Patrick was one lucky guy, taking out  Addi in that off the shoulder top that I could never pull off, those  designer jeans, makeup that was still perfect after a long night out. He  hadn't come home with her, so that must've meant he'd left for San  Diego again. "How dare he stomp all over your feelings like that. You  want me to kill him for you?" She held up a knife in jest, but I just  smiled sadly and shook my head.

"It's not that he really did anything wrong per se," I began, but a look from Addi stopped me short.

"Practically fucking you in a restaurant bathroom was the right way to  say no? Was that him letting you down easy? Was that him acting like an  adult or a 'big brother'?" Addi made quotes with her fingers. I bit my  lip but had no idea what to say. In fact, I had no idea what to even do.  So much of my life had revolved around Flor. Sad as that might sound, I  felt like I'd just lost a hobby. Well, okay, so it felt way worse than  that, but it was as if there was this big gap in my life that I didn't  know how to fill. We'd been together since I was five years old. Not  being around him would really take some getting used to. Of course, this  was just me thinking that we were done. Maybe he just assumed things  would go on as they always had?

"Coffee delivery," a voice said from behind me, making me jump. Theo  appeared in the doorway with a set of house keys and several Starbucks  drinks in a carrier, placing them on the counter, giving me a look that I  did not want to return.

"I texted him as soon as I saw you. I thought you could use a shallow,  useless day out, something that has nothing to do with Flor. Just us  girls."

"Amen," Theo said, passing me a cup and smiling. He, too, looked  aggravatingly perfect in the early morning sunshine. I knew what I  looked like: a wreck. My heart was on my sleeve and bleeding all over  the damn place. "No tea, no shade, girl, but you don't look so good.  What'd this brother of yours do this time?"

I gave him a look and raised an eyebrow. Now, I wasn't one to gossip,  but Addi had told me stories about Theo's dating life that made me  falling in love with my stepbrother look like a party game.

"I'll tell you later," Addi said pointedly, gesturing at the coffee with  her long fingers. "Just feed her some macchiato and then let's see what  we can do with those black circles under her eyes."                       
       
           



       

"Do you remember that time in second grade when I made you a Mohawk with  some Elmer's glue?" Theo asked, leaning on the counter and ignoring  Addi. I smiled and then, just as suddenly, frowned. Of course I  remembered that. I also remembered Flor's relentless teasing until he  brought me to tears. And then he'd gone and stolen some cookies from  River's supposedly secret stash, putting his arm around me and setting  the goodies in my lap.

You know what? he'd said, leaning down to look me in the eyes. I'd  glanced up, my gaze blurry with tears and saw him smiling. Maybe it's  not as silly as I thought? Rock stars have hair like that and everybody  loves rock stars. Later that evening, when my father had come home and  ordered me to wash the glue from my hair, I'd thrown a massive tantrum.  Everybody loves rock stars. Crap.