I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Obviously I was aware of how important school was, and I'd been taking care of myself in that department for a long time. I never brought home anything less than an A as my final grade, barely skipped class, even tutored Flor who was three years my senior.
I wanted to say something like Flor might. Sure thing, River. I'll be sure to remember that. But I didn't, just smiled and shoveled some food into my mouth, nearly choking on the bite when a foot bumped into my shin. I reached down and took Flor's note.
Why'd you run away? We need to talk. Fuck this dinner.
I stared at the page just long enough to read it, but River caught me looking anyway.
"Texting at the table?" she asked, like she was slightly irritated with me, but could do nothing about it. I raised my head and caught Flor smirking at me, like this was funny, like anything could be funny ever again.
"I, uh, sorry." I tucked the page into my back pocket and kept smiling. "Addi is … homesick right now, so I'm sort of helping her through that."
"Addi, the Battle-axe? Please," Flor said, not at all helping the situation. He drummed his colorful fingers on the tabletop and spun his right lip ring with his tongue.
"Homesickness is a completely normal and natural feeling," River began, switching right into psychologist mode. Uh oh. I'd been on the receiving end of these lectures many, many times before. Too bad she couldn't help me with the problem I needed to solve the most: her own son. "If she's feeling that way, there's usually some specific reasons. Is she having trouble with Patrick?" In fact, Patrick was due to leave back to San Diego for a few weeks, so my lie wasn't entirely made up. I'm sure that once Patrick really did leave, Addi would need my help. "What she needs to do is make sure she has an established routine in place."
I felt another kick and reached out my fingers, this time finding my hand wrapped in Flor's. No note, just the dry warmth of his palm, the delicate strength that allowed him to be such an established artist. I licked my lower lip and tried to drag my hand away, but he wouldn't let me. After a moment, he released me and then nudged me again with his foot, passing over a blue sheet from his own notebook. Wow, talk about nostalgia. And confusion. One minute he was telling me to shut up and the next he was confessing his own love for me. I didn't even know how to feel anymore.
I pulled the note onto my lap and unfolded it carefully, pretending to adjust my napkin, so I could read it while River talked at me.
I know I'm not making much sense. I'm confused, too. Come over after.
Come over? To his place. I did everything in my power to stay away from that den of sin, not the least of which was because I wanted to be the one sinning in it with him. Every time I went over there, I found myself looking at his couch, wondering how many girls he'd brought there. I could hardly even bear looking in his room or at his bed. Did I mention that Max was Flor's roommate? Yeah, not exactly a place I wanted to be.
No.
I sent the note back to him, both hating and loving the constant brush of his fingers.
"Bring Addi over to dinner again," River was saying as I nodded, getting back a response from Flor at the same time.
Kittens? I can teach you to feed them. No Max tonight. Please?
I shook my head and saw River raise an eyebrow. My dad was looking funny at me again.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. My head's in the clouds." I tried to smile but nobody was buying it.
"Looks like we're all finished then?" River said, standing up and sliding her son's cigarettes over to him. She started clearing away dishes while my dad gave me yet another look, this one rife with disappointment. I'd managed to upset my stepmother, again.
"Are you two staying for dessert?" she asked from the kitchen. I opened my mouth to answer, but Flor answered for me.
"Abigail and I have plans," he said suddenly, standing up and putting a cigarette between his lips. He nodded at my dad and moved around the table to give his mother a kiss on the cheek when she reentered the dining room.
"Plans?" my dad asked, his voice low. If he was this suspicious of Flor now, how would he feel knowing everything that had happened between us? I turned to Flor, as curious to hear about these supposed plans as my dad was. Whatever lie he managed to come up with, I wasn't going along with it. As soon as I walked out these doors, I was getting in my car and going home.
"Remember those kittens I told you about? Well, she wants to pick one out. Come on, Abs."
Flor reached down and grabbed my arm. I was so shocked to feel him touching me yet again that I almost dropped my yellow notebook on the floor, barely managing to grab hold of it before my stepmom saw.
"Ah, that reminds me, Florian," she said, following us towards the front door. Flor's hand on my arm was such an intense sensation that I forgot to protest. "Your father," I saw my stepbrother visibly cringe at that, "and I are going out of town next weekend. Could one or both of you stop by and check on the cat? Oh, and don't forget to water my houseplants."
Flor let go of me and opened the door, lighting his cigarette before he even stepped outside.
"Sure thing, kaa-chan," he said, giving her another kiss on her other cheek. I rolled my eyes. Kaa-chan, another random Japanese word that Flor liked to toss around because it annoyed my father. He thought it was just another sign of Flor's disrespect. Kaa-chan was a pretty casual way to address one's mother, and my dad already thought Flor acted too much like his mom was just a friend and not a parent.
I moved outside first and over to my car, the smell of cigarette smoke wafting around me as I paused to unlock the doors.
"Meet me there?" Flor asked as I glanced over my shoulder at him. Really? He looked way too beautiful standing there with a lit cherry highlighting the strong bones of his face, the soft hardness of his mouth, the scar on his chin. I smoothed my hands down my skirt, unconsciously remembering the feel of his Flor's hands on my bare thigh.
"I'm not going over to your house, Florian," I said quietly, glancing up to make sure nobody was watching us through the curtains. I didn't see any curious faces, so I rounded on him and crossed my arms over my chest. "What part of that sounds like a good idea to you?"
"We need to finish talking, Abigail."
"Is that what we were doing in the bathroom at the restaurant?" I asked, feeling my cheeks heat yet again. I just couldn't seem to stop blushing around Florian as of late. "I can't stand here knowing how I feel about you, utterly confused about how you feel about me, and having to look in your eyes and see hopelessness. This will never work. You know that, and I finally think I'm starting to get it, really get it."
Flor reached a hand over my shoulder, splaying his palm against the driver's side window and leaning close to me. It was a far too intimate position to be taking outside our parents' house, but I couldn't seem to find it in me to stop him.
His face was pained and his eyes wouldn't quite meet mine, drifting away to stare at the house.
"Abigail, I want to explain myself."
"Didn't seem so eager to do that before when you took off the first time, told me to shut up the second."
"I didn't want you to say it aloud, Abigail, because if you did, that made it real."
"What about fucking me and letting me go? What guy wouldn't want a chance at this piece of ass, right? Isn't that what you said?"
"I never called you a piece of ass," Flor growled, letting his cigarette tumble to the ground between our bodies. He crushed it out with his boot. "I … life isn't a fairytale, Abs. When you say you're in love with someone, it also usually means you want to sleep with them."
"Who said I didn't want to sleep with you?" I blurted and his eyes widened, lashes fluttering as he blinked at me in shock a few times. Finally, Flor leaned back and laughed at me. His laughter was so rare nowadays that it took me aback, made me remember strange things, like sitting shoulder to shoulder around a campfire, telling ghost stories with our foreheads pressed together and a flashlight stuck between us.
I blinked back at him, wondering if he was trying to read my blue eyes the same way I read his green ones.
"Can we please just talk? I'll even stop by Sweet Life and get you a lemon bar and a cup of bitter black coffee on the way." Flor leaned in close to me again, brushing a stray curl over my shoulder with his fingers. The stars across his knuckles shimmered in the porch light that was bathing us both in orange-yellow. If I closed my eyes just a little, squinted just enough, those stars glimmered almost as brightly as the ones in the sky above our heads. Could've been a trick of the light, might've been because Flor not only remembered my favorite dessert but also remembered that I liked to have a cup of dark roast coffee, no cream and no sugar, to go with the sweet tartness of it.