"You mean, did I know you guys shared everything? Because that's kind of a no-brainer. My only question would be if you and Theo shared gossip about me via old fashioned post or through a series of cryptic tweets? And by the way, does Patrick know the full extent of your platonic love affair with Miss Theo MacFabulous?" I asked with a slight smile, referring to Addison's sinfully beautiful drag queen friend by his stage name. Unlike Rhonda, Addi's elementary school pen pal really was a dude in a dress. We'd all sat together at the same table in second grade, but by the end of the year, Theo's parents were already making plans to move to Portland. I hadn't seen him since, but he and Addi had this weird, pseudo romantic relationship with one another where they actually scribbled out handwritten letters and mailed them back and forth. Of course, they also used FaceTime, Instagram, and Twitter, but I think the handwritten stuff was their favorite form of communication. "He's in town?"
"Possibly for the weekend, possibly for forever," Addi confirmed, still looming over my bed looking serious. "He and Yuu are thinking of moving back here. Not sure what it is about this town that gets everybody's panties in a wad," she whispered under her breath and then paused, caramel-brown eyes narrowing on me. At least she knew what got my panties in a wad.
I looked down at my bedspread and waited while Addi took a deep breath. Whatever she said next was going to hurt, I could tell. There was a certain set to her lips, a tightness in the muscles of her face, that forewarned me of the impending disaster. It was the same face she'd had the day she'd told me her parents had decided to move to San Diego.
"They're going to meet us here, so we can all walk together … " Her voice trailed off. Bad sign. Addison sat down heavy on the edge of my bed and started fingering the black fringe that hung from the dress she'd given me. "I'm worried about you, you know?"
"I know," I said, looking at the dress and not at her.
Addi reached out and lifted my chin with her fingers.
"I want you to be happy."
"I know." I felt tears sting my eyes again. I just could not for the life of me understand why Flor had stopped our conversation short, why he couldn't just let me get out what I needed to get out. I'd told Addi the story at least three times, per her own request, but neither of us had been able to figure it out. Maybe Theo and his unique knowledge of men could help? He both was one and dated them. That had to count for something, right? Though I had the sneaking suspicion that there were very few – if any – people alive on the planet that could decode Florian Harper Riley and his secrets. "I wanted to get these feelings off my chest." I touched my fingers to the skin at the base of my throat. "They're suffocating me, Addi."
She dropped her hands to her lap and nodded.
"I know, and that's why I'm here, to be your oxygen tank and to fill your head with smart ideas and logical thoughts. Florian is a fucking dick, always has been, and always will be. You don't owe him shit and you don't need him. Forget about his skanky ass and let's go to a freaking rock concert. It might be a shitty local band that nobody's ever heard of, but you can't set foot outside in downtown Eugene and not see something worth seeing."
"Or unseeing," I added and she grinned, patting the dress enthusiastically.
"That's the spirit!" Addi stood up and started backing towards the door, holding her phone up for emphasis as she added, "and hurry up. They'll be here any minute."
I saluted Addi and she winked at me, disappearing out the door and down the hallway. I looked at the dress and examined the way-too-tall-for-me stiletto heels in the box before deciding to go with something of my own. Addi could take back the stuff and get herself some new shoes. Besides, Addison might be confident enough to dress up for the every day – even something as small as a trip to the grocery store – but I'd rather blend in with the crowd, at least for tonight.
I dressed in a plain purple tank, a pair of skinny jeans, and some black boots. I even took the time to put matching silver rings in my nose and bellybutton and make sure my tank rode up enough to show off my tattoo. It might be Flor's work, but it was still beautiful.
I glanced briefly over at my phone and wondered what he was up to right now, if he'd thought about me even once since that day, and then decided I didn't care. I couldn't keep caring or it would kill me. I'd given it a go, and I'd gotten my answer. Besides, if I kept brooding like this, not only would Addison be able to tell, but so would Theo, and if my memories served me right, he had a sharp tongue and a no-nonsense attitude. So, I put on my big girl panties and took a deep breath.
As Theo MacFabulous might say, it's time to party, baby.
The WOW Hall (Woodmen of the World Hall would be the official name, but I was probably one of a handful of people that actually knew or cared) was located in downtown Eugene on West 8th Avenue. It was a squat, little white building that looked a lot like a church (and had, in fact, actually once been one as well). The line tonight was out the door, quite literally, and stretched down the sidewalk in a flurry of activity, the breath of the concert goers puffing in the air like clouds, mixing with the cigarette smoke and the slightest whiff of pot. A handful of drunks milled around as well, asking for change, as much a part of the local scenery as the building itself. Some people told them to fuck off; I usually gave in and handed out a few dollar bills. Hey, most of them had dogs and that crap worked on me.
I shuffled my feet and leaned into Max's warmth, trying to enjoy myself even though this wasn't my usual scene. Theo and his boyfriend, Yuu Harada, a skinny Japanese boy in red pants and a loose black tank top, were watching me from behind Addi and Patrick (who were currently in the middle of a very intense discussion about feral cats – don't ask), and I was ashamed to admit that it felt like they both could see right through me. Or maybe I really was just that transparent? Trying not to think about Flor only made me think about him more often. I had tried to make sense of my feelings once and for all, lay it all out on the table and let the shame and the secrets dissipate, but he hadn't let me. Somehow, someway, he'd known what I was going to say and he'd shut me down. That was the only explanation.
I shook my head and shuffled my feet again, looking up at Max and his dark brown hair, the tattooed zombie hands that encircled his neck, and his semi-permanent smile. He never really seemed to get upset or angry, almost like the polar opposite of Flor. Max was good looking, available, and currently, he was mine. I should be happy about that.
"You okay there, Miss Abigail?" Theo asked me, tilting his head to the side and smiling like he knew something I didn't (which, who am I kidding, he probably did). He was wearing a black band T-shirt, combat boots, and a skirt. Although he wasn't technically dressed in drag, he still had on a dash of eyeliner and a smidge of lip gloss which, of course, reminded me of Flor. Not that Flor wore lip gloss, but in high school he used to wear eyeliner. He didn't anymore, but I guess I just had a one track mind.
"Fine," I lied as Max glanced down at me, wrinkling his brow a bit like he hadn't even realized something was wrong. Good. And let's keep it that way. Yuu mumbled something under his breath in Japanese and Theo chuckled. Even three years of straight A's in that class didn't help me translate. I figured it was something dirty and tried to steer the conversation towards the concert, before it got related back to Florian. Theo (and most likely Yuu) might know about what happened with Flor, but I didn't want Max to find out. Wouldn't that be fun? "So are these guys worth the ticket price?" I asked, trying to make a joke. For twelve bucks, there really wasn't much room to complain about anything.
Theo and Yuu exchanged a look, obviously in regards to me and my blatant change of subject, but at least they took the bait.
"Addi didn't play you any of their songs? They're all screechy and full of angst. I think in your current state, you'd absolutely lap it up," Theo said with a naughty smirk. From what I could recall of our time in elementary school together, that look hadn't changed much over the years. Back then, of course, it had more to do with putting glue in Tyler Caprico's sandwich than it did with teasing me. Still, at least he winked at me when he said it, batting his lids with a false set of lashes. It made it almost worth it.