I was hard as hell, and that wasn’t good. I told my date to meet me outside so she wouldn’t notice.
I had to make it seem like what just happened didn’t affect me and needed to quickly reinforce the idea that it was a joke. I’d been carrying around a pair of Greta’s underwear with me for days just waiting for the perfect opportunity to taunt her with them. So, I left her the thong as part of her tip with a note that suggested she change into them because she was probably a little wet.
I wished I could have seen her reaction.
***
We were starting to spend more time together. She’d come to my room and play videogames, and I’d sneak glances at her neck when she wasn’t watching me.
I’d replay the kiss in my head constantly, sometimes even when I was with other girls.
Greta and I would be eating ice cream together, and the urge to lick it off the corner of her mouth was enormous.
I could feel myself falling for her in more ways than one, and I didn’t like it.
Not only was I attracted to her, but she was the first girl whose company I actually enjoyed.
I needed to keep myself in check, though, since taking it any further with her was not an option. So, I kept bringing girls home and pretended not to have feelings for Greta.
It was working out alright until I found out she was going on a date with a guy from school: Bentley. He was bad news. Her friend ended up asking me to join them on a double date, and I took the opportunity so that I could keep an eye on things.
The date had been torture. Having to hide my jealousy, I was forced to sit back and watch while this asshole put his hands on her. At the same time, Greta’s friend, Victoria, was all over me, and there was zero interest on my part. I just wanted to get Greta home safely, but the night turned into way more than I bargained for. Before it was over, I’d nearly put Bentley in the hospital after he’d confessed that he’d made a bet with Greta’s ex that he could devirginize her. I went ballistic. Never in my life had I felt the need to protect someone like I wanted to protect her.
The next day, Greta would return the favor in a big way.
Randy had barged into my room and went on one of his abusive rants. She’d overheard and stuck up for me in a way that no one ever had. Even though I pretended to be too drunk to remember it, I clung to every word until she kicked him out of the room.
Thinking back, I’m pretty sure that was the moment I fell in love with her.
***
That same weekend, our parents went away. It was bad timing because my feelings for her were at an all-time high. I’d made up a story about going out on a date just so I didn’t have to be alone with her.
That night, she’d woken me up in the middle of a dream. I’d been having one of my nightmares about the night Mami almost killed herself.
I tried to lighten the mood because I must have looked like a crazy person. I said something to her like, “How do I know you’re not trying to take advantage of me in the middle of the night?”
It was a joke.
She started to cry.
Shit.
I’d hit a new low.
All of the antics I’d been pulling to mask my true feelings had taken a toll on her. I had to stop, but without the insults and jokes to hide behind, those feelings would become obvious.
When she fled to her room, I knew sleep wasn’t going to be possible until I’d at least made her smile again. I had an idea and grabbed her dildo I’d been hiding and took it to her room. I started to tickle her with it.
Eventually, she gave into the laughter. We spent the rest of the night lying in her bed talking. That was the first time I’d really opened up and made the mistake of admitting my attraction to her.
She tried to kiss me, and I relented. It felt so good to taste her mouth again and to not have to pretend that it wasn’t real. I grabbed her face and took control of it. I told myself that nothing bad would happen as long as I could draw the line at kissing. I’d almost had myself convinced when she floored me with words that would ruin me.
“I want you to show me how you fuck, Elec.”
I freaked out and pushed her off of me. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was necessary. I explained to her that we could never let things go that far.
I tried really hard after that to distance myself. Still, those words rang out in my head at night, in the shower, pretty much all day. I lost interest in other girls and preferred jerking off to explicit thoughts of fulfilling Greta’s request in ways she could have never imagined.
***
Weeks went by, and I became desperate to connect with her in some way again. I decided I’d let her read my book. After she finished it, she’d written me a note that she sealed in an envelope. Afraid to see what it said, I put off opening it.