All of the food I’d just consumed felt like it was coming up on me at once.
“What?” I put my hand on his knee because it felt like I was losing my balance. “Why?”
“My mother is back.”
“I don’t understand. She was supposed to be in England until the summer.”
He looked down at the ground and hesitated before looking up at me with melancholy in his eyes. “What I’m about to tell you can’t leave this room. You can’t tell your mother, and you absolutely cannot tell Randy. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
“My mother wasn’t in England. Shortly before I came here, she checked herself into a hospital for severe depression and substance abuse out in Arizona. It was supposed to be a six-month program, and then she was going to stay with a friend for the remaining time until the end of my school year.”
“Why didn’t she tell Randy the truth?”
“My mother is a very talented painter. I know you know that. Anyway, she was offered an opportunity to teach in London for a year and used that as the excuse she gave Randy even though she turned it down. She’s ashamed to let him know how bad things have gotten. Before she decided to check herself into the program, she’d overdosed on some sleeping pills, and I found her on the ground. I thought she was dead.”
“That was the nightmare you were having.”
“What?”
“The night you were yelling in your sleep, you were saying ‘Mami, wake up.’”
“Yeah. That makes sense. I dream about it a lot, actually. My mother is a weak person. Ever since Randy left her, she’s never been the same. I was afraid I’d lost her. She’s all I have.”
I squeezed his knee. “Do you really think our parents had an affair and that he left your mother for mine?”
“I know he cheated on my mother, because I hacked into his computer. He met your mother online while he was still married to mine. He’d say he was going away on business, but he was really coming to Boston to visit Sarah. I wouldn’t lie to you about that.”
“I believe you.”
“In Sarah’s defense, I’m not sure what story he fed her. He may have tried to play it off like he was separated. You know how you told me your father was your mother’s one true love?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, that’s what Randy was to my mother even though it may not have been reciprocal. He’s a horrible father, but that didn’t seem to matter to her. She’s basically obsessed with him and has always based her self-worth on his actions toward her. She’s obsessed with Sarah now, too. It’s a sickness. There’s so much more to this story, but I’m just telling you what you need to know as it relates to you and me.”
“When you said I was forbidden…is it simply because I’m Sarah’s daughter?”
He smiled and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. “You look just like her. My mother thinks that her marriage ended because of Sarah. She hates your mother probably more than anyone. Deep down, I know he would have found a way to leave Mami anyway, but she’s in extremely bad shape. She could never handle it if she ever found out there was something going on between me and Sarah’s daughter.”
“Why did she come home early?”
“She thinks she’s doing better. She’s not, Greta. I can hear it in her voice, but they let her check out anyway. The friend who was supposed to watch over her flaked out and isn’t even in town. I’m scared for her to be alone. That’s why I’m leaving tomorrow morning. My flight is already booked. Randy thinks her job fell through and could care less that I’m going back.”
A teardrop fell from my cheek. “I just wasn’t expecting this.” I leaned against his chest as he wrapped his arm around me. We sat in silence until I looked up at him. “I’m not ready for you to leave.”
“Swallowing my pride and coming to live with Randy so my mother could try to get better and not have to worry about me, was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It was hell at first, but you were a little piece of heaven in the midst of it all. I never thought I’d go from dreading being here to dreading leaving, but that’s how I feel right now. I want to stay but only because of you. I want to be able to protect you and not necessarily in a brotherly way, and that’s fucked up.”
I grabbed his hand. “I get it.”
He wrapped his fingers inside mine and leaned in, lightly pressing his lips against my forehead. “I feel like you see me in ways that most don’t. Getting you to hate me was impossible because you knew that wasn’t really me. Thank you for being smart enough to see through me.”