And that was it.
I quickly gripped Will’s arm, I wasn’t sure I was capable of walking with my dignity still intact, at least not after that. My entire body was both weak with the emotional and physical trauma of what just happened, while my hormones were dying a slow death of disappointment that we had to stop.
“You okay?” Will’s lips grazed my ear. I jumped a foot. “Guess not.” He chuckled, “Home?”
“Bad idea.” I found my voice. “Very, super, very bad idea.”
“Very, super, bad idea,” he repeated. “I think I like the sound of that.”
“Don’t.” I shook my head a few times, didn’t look at him, just held on to him. “Don’t take me home, Will. Don’t.”
“Afraid?”
“Of you?” I blinked back tears. “Every day since you walked away. My biggest fear has never been of death or a crappy reputation. My nightmare always includes you walking into my life — only to walk right back out.”
He stiffened, and then picked me up into his arms and freaking carried me off amidst the stares and whistling from people around us.
I would have been fine with it, had cameras not been waiting for us outside.
Him half-naked.
Me getting carried.
Well, shit.
He swore, then set me on my feet, helped me into the car, ignoring the camera flashes around him as he got in the driver’s seat and hit the accelerator.
I TURNED THE AC on full blast, opened every damn window in the car, and was still sweating profusely.
It was fifty outside.
So I only had my own internal wildfire to blame. Just touching her like that, kissing her… I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, she jumped next to me.
Maybe I finally understood drugs.
Because I couldn’t think beyond anything but tasting her again.
Drinking from her lips, sucking her dry, licking every inch of her body until I had no energy left.
“Sorry.” My voice was gruff. “It’s not you. Well, it is you, but not for the reasons you’re thinking.” I groaned. “Shit, this isn’t coming out right. What I mean is… I’m not angry at you.” Yeah that sounded so much better, Will.
“Good.” She crossed her arms. “Because I don’t do that anymore.”
“Huh?” Now I was confused. I glanced over at her closed off position, the way she was tucking her body toward the door like she was preparing to armor herself against the arrows getting shot her way. “You mean you don’t dance anymore?”
“Huh?” Ang frowned. “No, I meant, tell the press where I am so I get free publicity. I don’t even know how they knew where we were shooting today.”
I smirked. “You’re kidding right?”
“I swear!” tears filled her eyes.
“Shit.” I pulled over and put the car in park. “Ang, I was talking about the scene, I’m… do you realize how damn difficult it is to touch you once and know I can’t do it again? That you’re so fucking afraid of me, of us, that I could ruin this by doing one thing wrong?” I leaned back in the leather seat, my body finally cooling. “I don’t give a shit about the press.”
“But you’ve been trying to go all incognito.”
“Easily done when you look old, am I right?”
Her smile was all I needed, it was still sad, but it was there.
It was like I could see the broken pieces between us just fighting for peace, fighting for rest.
How had things gone from her being the enemy to me realizing that the only enemy I’ve ever truly had was looking at me in the mirror?
“Ang,” I reached for her hand then pulled back, afraid that touching her would just confuse the situation more than it already was. “You were right. You are right.”
She blinked down at her lap. So I kept going.
“I quit music, I left everything behind because it hurt too much, and I blamed you for it all, I blamed you, because I think, had I actually taken the blame, it would have sent me insane. So I took the easy way out and made it your fault when I shared more than an equal amount of blame. I said I would fight for you… but the minute you started spiraling, I resented you instead. I was so devastated that you were choosing something over me, the great Will Sutherland that I couldn’t handle it. My pride took a hit, every time you took a hit.” I sighed, running my hands through my hair. “The most selfish thing I’ve ever done in my existence was walking away when all you wanted me to do was choose you, fight for you. Instead, I chose myself. And I don’t want your forgiveness for it. I can’t even bring myself to ask for something so out of reach, but I do want you to know. I’ll regret losing you for as long as I have breath.”