Stay(98)

“I know what you mean,” he said. “So don’t feel bad if you want to stop, okay?”

I nodded. Knowing that Jackson had been assaulted too made me feel more comfortable. He knew everything, knew exactly what I had gone through. There were no secrets. Everything was out on the table, and he loved me anyway.

I put my hand on top of his and guided it between my legs. Keeping my hand over his helped. It made me feel in control. With my hand still over his, he gently touched me.

Jackson continued to work his fingers. He bent his head down and kissed the back of my neck. I relaxed a little more. I pushed his hand against me a little harder.

“I love you,” he whispered. I closed my eyes and felt my muscles loosen. I put my hand on Jackson’s face, feeling his day-old stubble and a few scars.

“I love you too,” I whispered back and moved his hand inside my underwear. I opened my eyes as I positioned his finger, trying to will my body not to tense. I had gotten myself to the point of being able to just lay there and take it when I was working, but I didn’t want to feel like that with Jackson.

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asked again. I nodded, and the way he was so patient and gentle eased my anxiety. He put his finger inside of me and waited.

I pulled his face to mine and kissed him while he began to move his fingers, reading me the whole time. I didn’t feel anything at first, but then his touch felt good, sending little pulses of pleasure down my thighs. I let go of another ball of stress and slipped my tongue in his mouth.

After several minutes, I longed for more. I put my hands on Jackson’s waist and guided him onto me. He settled between my legs, every inch of him pressing against me. I wasn’t scared. It was Jackson.

I tugged his boxers down and arched my back so he could take off my panties. He positioned himself to enter me and waited, wanting to make sure it was okay with me. I kissed him again and opened my eyes, needing to look at him when it happened. I gripped his arms and let out a steady breath. I nodded ever so slightly to Jackson. He put his lips against mine and entered me, only pushing himself in half way.

I took another breath and cupped my hands around his face. I felt my muscles relax. I reached down, putting my hands on the back of his thighs, and pulled him closer, pushing him all the way into me.

We took it slow. Jackson gently moved back and forth. He let out a soft moan of pleasure. I kept my hands on him, feeling him, guiding him on how fast or slow to go. Being in control was empowering. I was having sex on my own terms.

And I was starting to enjoy it.

“Adeline,” he panted, eyes fluttering open. “Are you—”

“Yes,” I answered before he could finish the question. “I … I am.” Pleasure tingled between my legs. I forced myself to relax, thinking only of Jackson and how much I loved him. A jolt of desire shot through me, winding tight in my stomach.

My eyes closed and I threw my head back, breath quickening. I wrapped my arms around Jackson, pressing my lips to his neck. I got hit with another flashback, though this one was different. The image of my room flashed before my eyes, and suddenly I imaged the both of us there, in my own bed.

The tight coil in my stomach sprung free as I had an orgasm. I threw my head back, unable to help the soft moan of pleasure that escaped from my lips. Jackson, who had been waiting for me to come first, climaxed seconds after I did. He lowered himself on me, kissing my neck. He picked his head up and looked into my eyes.#p#分页标题#e#

I smiled, heart still pounding. “I wasn’t sure if I would ever enjoy sex again,” I panted.

“Did you enjoy that?” he asked shyly.

“Yes. I did.” It had been healing. I had taken something back, a part of me that I was afraid was lost forever in the dark. “Did you?”

“Yes,” he said definitely. “I’d never …” he started then buried his head in my shoulder. He slid out of me and rolled to his side, pulling me close. My legs trembled slightly. “That was my …” he started then diverted his eyes, shaking his head.

“What is it, Jackson?” I asked gently and kissed him.

“I’d never done it before without being forced,” he blurted.

“Oh,” I said, and ran my fingers up and down his arm, feeling a little sick.

“I’m glad it was with you,” he said and tightened his arms around me. We stayed wrapped in each other’s embrace until our hearts stopped racing.

“We should get dressed,” Jackson said quietly. “In case …”

“I know,” I groaned. I didn’t want to get dressed. I didn’t want to think about what could happen. I wanted to stay there, crammed on the tiny cot, on top of Jackson. I wanted to feel nothing but him but that wasn’t going to happen.