“Sorry,” I said after I blew my nose. “I must look disgusting.”
Jackson slightly smiled and shook his head. “You look sick, not disgusting.”
“I feel sick,” I muttered and grabbed another tissue.
“Go back to sleep,” he suggested. He looked at the door and bit his lip as he thought.
“Jackson?” I asked before he could push himself off the bed. He turned to look at me. “Will you stay?”
His smile returned. “If you want me to.”
I nodded as I spoke. “I do.”
He reached for the long, skinny pillow and glanced at me. I shook my head. I didn’t want to keep him away from me anymore. We resituated the pillows and lay down together so that my head was resting on his chest. My breath rattled every time I inhaled, and my throat felt like I was breathing in fire, but lying there with Jackson was the most content I had felt in a long, long time.
***
I sat on the edge of the bed and watched the sun set. A ball of golden light glowed behind dark storm clouds. The temperature had dropped as the sun sank lower in the sky. Misty wind blew through the open windows, making me shiver. Jackson perched on the mattress to my side, draping a blanket around me. I pulled it tightly around my body and looked at Jackson, smiling. After a few seconds of consideration, he took my hand in his. I closed my eyes and smiled. Something sparked inside of me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.
“Addie?” His voice was gentle.
“Yeah?” I answered, not opening my eyes.#p#分页标题#e#
“Do you remember when you said I don’t seem dead inside?”
I opened my eyes and looked up at him. “I do.”
“And I said that I had until recently?”
“I remember.”
“Well,” he began. I could feel his muscles tighten. “It was you. You brought me back to life.” He let out a breath and turned to face me. “It was getting hard finding hope after all these years. I was so close to giving up. And then I met you.”
I let go of the edges of the blanket and twisted toward him, taking his other hand. Warmth ran through my body, making my heart swell and nerves tingle.
“I hated myself for doing nothing,” he confessed. “I should have stopped Zane and let you run away. But I didn’t, and now...” he paused, taking a breath to prepare for what he was about to say. “Now I hate myself for being glad that I didn’t do anything.”
“What do you mean?” I asked softly.
“I never would have met you. Not if you had run away. I would have let myself die inside without you,” he shyly blurted. “You’re so full of fire. You haven’t lost hope. I’ve never met anyone who can hold onto who they are in such a horrible situation. You saved me, Adeline. And now I want to save you.”
The warm tingles made their way down my body. I looked at Jackson. Our eyes locked, and he moved his face just an inch from mine. He closed his eyes. My heart skipped a beat. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to feel his lips gently press against mine. I wanted to feel the pleasurable feeling travel all the way through me. I wanted to feel everything a kiss could bring.
But I was scared. I was scared that the moment our lips touched, I would flinch away. I was scared I was too damaged to love, or be loved. I didn’t want fear to ripple down my spine instead of desire. I slowly let out my breath and allowed my eyes to close. Jackson tightened his embrace and pressed his lips to my forehead. I instantly relaxed and melted into his arms.
He ran his hands over my hair and rested his head against mine. I slowly flattened my palms against his back, cautiously feeling his muscles. My heart began to beat faster as I let my hands drop to his waist. I stuck my fingers under the hem of his black t-shirt and soaked in the warmth of his skin. He deeply inhaled and pulled me closer.
I couldn’t help it. I recoiled, pushing him away, heart racing. The blanket fell to the floor. Jackson looked at me, hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I panted, leaning over to pick up the blanket. “It’s not you,” I stammered. “It’s…it’s…” I couldn’t get the rest of the sentence out before I started crying.
“Addie,” Jackson said gently. “It’s okay. It was my fault. I didn’t think about it.” His brown eyes clouded with sadness. “Do you want me to go so you can get some rest?”
I shook my head. “No. I like being with you,” I said. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, waiting for my heart to stop racing. I sat back on the bed and motioned for Jackson to sit next to me.