Stay(53)

“Gay? No, I’m not. My friend Matt is, and he was in the parade. I went to watch and support him.”

Jackson’s face turned a little red, though it could have just been from the cold. “Were you there with anyone?”

I nodded. “My best friend and my sister.”

“I’m really sorry, Adeline,” he said and pushed the shovel forward, scraping the metal edge on the cobblestone.

“It’s not your fault.” I finished clearing off the porch and walked ahead of Jackson. I plunged the shovel into a snowdrift. The whirl of tires and the roar of an engine caught my attention, and I flicked my head up. A truck slowly trudged down the slippery road and passed the farmhouse.

“We could run away right now,” I told him.#p#分页标题#e#

“We wouldn’t get far in the snow,” he spoke.

“Yes, we could. We’d just have to make it down the road. Someone would find us sooner or later.”

“You’re not going to, are you?” he asked, apprehension in his voice.

I shook my head and sighed as the logic set in. “Not now. It’s too cold. I could freeze to death before I found help.”

“Aren’t you afraid of getting hurt?”

“Not really. I’m more afraid of my family getting hurt.” I traced my eyes down the road, blinking away snowflakes that landed in my eyelashes. “I still think there's a way. Don’t let fear keep you from dreaming, right?”

Jackson gave me the smallest of smiles. “Don’t actually do it, okay? Not now at least. I don’t want you to get hurt. Obviously,” he added so quietly I could barely hear him.

“Why?” I asked and hoped he didn’t think I was ungrateful. I just had to know why he thought I was worth it.

He shook his head and cast his eyes to the snow covered ground. “There’s something so … so alive in you. You’ve been here for half a year, Addie, and you’re even more determined to leave now than you were when we brought you here. You’re not broken. You still hold onto who you are. I’ve never seen that before. Everyone ends up giving up. It’s like they can’t see any way out.”

“Do you see any way out?” I asked slowly.

Jackson put both hands on the shovel and leaned on it. “I didn’t, until recently,” he admitted.

“What changed?”

He looked away. “Don’t know. Sick of it?” he added quickly.

“Do you think about what life would be like if you weren’t here?” I asked.

“Sometimes. I want to go to school. I want to study things, anything, I don’t care what it is. But I should have started college three years ago, and Nate never let me finish high school.” He shook his head and looked embarrassed. “It’s just something to think about, I guess.”

“No,” I said and took a step closer to him. “It’s more than just something to think about. It’s what keeps you together isn’t it? Keeps you from surrendering your hope. You have to hold onto it, want it, need it. Or … or else you’d have nothing.”

Jackson’s eyes moved from the ground to my face. His lips pulled into a smile, and some of the sadness began to disappear from his face. My heart skipped a beat, and I wanted to move closer to him, feel his body heat and start talking about Harry Potter and books again. We could forget about this nightmare for a few minutes.

“The driveway’s not gonna shovel itself!” Zane yelled from inside the house.

Jackson’s body stiffened, and a wave of fear washed over me. Jackson turned away so quickly, he slid on the snow-covered path. He recovered quickly and pushed his shovel forward, clearing away another few feet of snow.

I moved several yards away, taking big steps through the deep snow. I felt bad for Jackson. He seemed so sad, so defeated, and only a little sliver of his true self was left and was at risk of slipping away. I wanted to know just how long he’d been here and how he ended up here in the first place.

A north wind blasted through, spraying me with tiny shards of ice. I closed my eyes and braced myself. The frigid Iowa winters were nothing I wasn’t used to, though I usually had proper attire on. I stole a glance behind me and saw Zane standing in the living room. He had closed the window but kept the curtain pulled back. He titled his head down when he saw me looking. His eyes narrowed, and the temperature felt like it dropped another ten degrees.#p#分页标题#e#

I pushed a shovelful of snow forward as fast as I could. I wanted to get away from the house and away from Zane. I worked feverishly, and in a matter of minutes my back and arms were tired. Jackson walked past me, already done with the section he had been working on. I watched him start on the driveway.