She rolled her eyes. “What am I going to do with you Roth boys?”
Braden turned back toward the sink, packing the glasses from the drain into the cabinet next to it. As he worked he saw Wes and Jessie through the window. Wes would carry both Jess and the sled up the hill before riding back down with them again. He got this heaviness in his chest. Nothing uncomfortable, but a good kind of ache.
“You’re in love with him.” His mom stood beside him, their arms touching.
“Maybe.” Probably. “How do I know?”
“Your mama tells you.”
He let out a deep breath, but smiled, too.
“Sorry. Ask silly questions and you’ll get a silly answer. You do, and you know you do. I see it in the way you look at him. But I think you’ve known for a while.”
Braden stood there, still watching them. “I respect the hell out of him. He puts everyone before himself. He loves that little girl with everything he has. He makes me feel good. Making him smile makes me feel good, because he does it more with me than anyone else. I feel settled with them. Not sure I’ve ever felt settled in my whole life.”
His mom hooked her arm through his and leaned on his shoulder. “I’m not sure you have, either.”
They both knew it wasn’t because Braden wasn’t happy, or hadn’t always been. He’d just always been looking for something, even when he didn’t know what. Maybe he did now. “Does it bother you?” he asked her after a minute of silence.
“Braden Jeffrey Roth, I can’t believe you even asked me that. You know all we’ve ever wanted is for our kids to be happy. And it’s not like we haven’t known this for a very long time.”
“Yeah, but you always knew there was the possibility of a woman, too. You knew I dated mostly women. It’s one thing to know I like men, too, and another to know I’m in love with one.”
“In whose book?” She hugged his arm tighter. “Not in ours, and not in yours, either. You know that, Brady. I just want you to be able to look back when you’re my age and be as happy as I am. We’ll love whoever can give you that, and we’ll kick anyone’s ass who can’t.”
He looked down at her. “Don’t let Jess hear you talk like that.”
“Would never happen. Unlike you, I know when to open my mouth and when not to.”
With his other hand, Braden held her arm. Jessie and Wes went racing down the hill again, Wes walking up it slower and slower each time. Jessie didn’t look like she was going to tire at any second.
“You’re right. I don’t know why I asked that. I’m feeling a little out of my element, and that’s never happened before. I didn’t expect this.” He didn’t know if Wes would want it. “He has a lot he’s dealing with right now. I’ve been known to push, Ma. I don’t wanna push if he’s not ready.”
“You’ll do the right thing. We may tease you, but when it comes down to it, you always do the right thing. It’s just who you are.” She patted his hand and then pulled away. “Now get dressed and go out there and help the poor boy. She’s going to wear him into the ground if you don’t. You guys are going to have your hands full with that girl. You mark my words.” She winked at him, and Braden wondered if she thought Wes might love him, too.
“Thanks, Ma.” Braden didn’t hesitate. He went straight for his jacket and boots, hoping his mom was right. Hoping he’d do the right thing, and that Wes would give him some kind of sign as to when to do it.
***
Wes watched as Braden and Jock traipsed up the hill with Jessie for the hundredth time. They’d been taking turns ever since Braden came out a little while before. Just like Wes did, he struggled to carry her in her ten pounds of snow gear, plus the sled up the hill; only Braden had Jock trying to play with him, too.
He watched as Braden tripped, managing to catch himself before he went down. Wes laughed. “Need some help up there?” he called.
“Shut up!”
Wes laughed again. “I’ll help if you ask real nicely.”
“Shut up!” Braden called down again as he heard Jessie scolding him because “shut up” wasn’t nice.
Wes couldn’t take his eyes off the back of them. Jessie in her pink and green gear. Jock jumping on them. Braden in his dark blue jacket with a matching beanie on his head. His mind went back to the paints, the gift Braden had given him that no one else would have. How he came to them any time they needed him. Seeing him with Jessie. The feel of his hands on Wes.
He didn’t want it to stop. None of it. He wanted more, and it was scary as fuck because he knew how temporary things were. Nothing in his life had ever really stuck, but he wanted Braden to.