Stardust(32)

“It starts the same. I remember it.”

“When you’ve been here as long as I have—”

“When did you come?” Ben said.

“ ’Thirty-seven. With Trude. I wanted Hans to bring Anna, too. It was still possible then. Perhaps if they hadn’t waited, things would have turned out differently.”

Ostermann went stiff, annoyed, evidently a sore point between them, the sister who died.

“But we’re all here now,” Dieter said, making peace.

“You don’t want to go back?” Ben said, testing Liesl’s theory.

“Now? My work is here. All my colleagues. Hitler was a catastrophe for German science, but a gift to America.”

“You’re a scientist?” Ben said, surprised. Not in pictures, not even connected. Another California.

“No, no,” he said, diffident. “A teacher. Mathematics.”

“A teacher,” Ostermann said playfully. “Very distinguished. In Germany, a doctor doctor.”

“But not at Cal Tech,” Dieter said pleasantly. “One doctor only.”

“Thank you for being there,” Ben said. “At the hospital.”

Dieter nodded. “You know what he liked? The observatory. On Mount Wilson. Not the science of it. He was like Hans here—everything a mystery, even the simplest numbers. But he liked to see the stars. It’s a good lens, you know, a hundred inches, the largest. Would you like to go sometime? It was hard during the war, but now we can take visitors again. You have to stay over. The road is too dangerous at night.”

“You mean camp there?”

“No, we have places to stay. Dormitories for the staff. A few rooms for guests. It used to be very popular, with the other stars,” he said, smiling. “Hubble liked to take them up. Fairbanks, Pickford, all of them. You can see the pictures. So if you like, I’ll arrange it. A family excursion. But now—” He looked around, ready to go. “A sad occasion. It’s a pity you did not get a chance—”

“No, only at the hospital. For a minute.”

“He spoke?”

Ben shook his head, not wanting to go back.

“No last words. I’m sorry,” Dieter said, taking Ben’s hand. “So we’ll make a trip. Hans,” he said, now reaching for Ostermann’s hand, “be well. You should listen to her, you know. That woman. No petitions. No letters in the paper. It draws attention to all of us.”

Ostermann watched him leave, a politer version of Alma’s exit, then sighed and busied himself relighting his cigar.

“More American than the Americans. Except for the accent. He thinks no one hears it.” He nodded toward the city below, spread across the flat basin. “Look at that. You know, every building you see, it’s the first. There was nothing on this land before. Imagine. In Europe we live on layers. Here it’s only the first. So what will it become? It’s interesting. But do any of us care? We don’t really live here. I’m still in Berlin. My study even, it’s like before. Writing 1919. You like the title? Just the year. No one here will be interested, it’s for me. What happened to us. Mann’s writing Bible stories. Bible stories after all this. The conscience of his country.”

“I thought that was you.”

He smiled a little. “The bad conscience maybe. I’m sorry. Such gloomy talk. Your brother used to call it the exile mentality. Always half-empty. But it was different for him. He never had to worry about leaving. Being asked to leave. He was born here. Sometimes I think we got out with our skins but our lives—they’re somewhere in-between. Still waiting for the knock.”

“Not here.”

“We’re still watched.” He caught Ben’s skeptical look and nodded. “We’re German, we have a sixth sense for this now. The phone I think sometimes, the mail I know.”

“Really?”

“There’s a group, more exiles, in Mexico—it was easier to get a visa there. So they write to me sometimes and I think the letters are being read. You know, opened and resealed. So, a test. I tell them to write in English and you know what? The letters arrive three days earlier—the censor doesn’t have to translate. So I know.”

“But why? Did they think you were a Nazi? You?”

Ostermann smiled weakly. “Anybody foreign. There’s no logic to this. It’s like Polly. You start turning over rocks, you have to find something, or why did you start? So you keep doing it. I’m used to it. In Germany it was the same—well, worse. But you have to be careful. You say things and it might go against you with Immigration. It’s better since the war, but Brecht says they’re still watching him. Even now.” He shook his head. “Such a dangerous person. In Santa Monica.” He moved away from the potted geraniums, taking a chair and leaning back in it, his eyes still on the view. “It’s an irony, yes? What we came to escape. Like poor Connie Veidt, playing Nazis. They wanted to kill him there, and then here it was all he can do, be a Nazi. It was the voice. Like Liesl.”