Star Struck(BBW Rocker Romance)(52)
“Fuck,” he groaned, fisting the hair at his temple. The words were all jumbled up now. The farewell scene rushed before him like reeling images.
She’d been avoiding his calls and texts for days. Finally, she agreed for him to come over to her place to talk about whatever was bothering her. He’d been worried it had something to do with a few dumb articles in the paper about some lovesick fan stalking him. But it hadn’t been that. Far from it.
“I want you to listen carefully to what I have to say, Ethan. And afterwards, I don’t want you to try and change my mind because you can’t. I’m not going to budge from my decision because it’s what’s best for me. And Lord knows it’s high time I started thinking about myself, because no one else will.”
“Mandy, what are you talking about?”
“I have to stop seeing you, Ethan,” she’d said quietly but firmly. “And it doesn’t have anything to do with you, so don’t think I’m blaming you for any of this. You were just being yourself while I was simply being…stupid. I had a job to do, but I couldn’t stay professional. I’m sorry about that. But what hurts almost as much is the knowledge that people would think I was with you for all the wrong reasons. I need to know I deserve to be where I’m at right now and not just because I was sleeping with Ethan Tyler, the rock god.”
Ethan’s scowl had been thunderous. “Has Davey been talking to you? That sneaky son of a…”
“This has nothing to do with your manager. I told you, Ethan, this is me doing what I know is in my best interests. I can’t…I can’t be your lover anymore. It’s over. And I will gladly step down from being your tour stylist, but I’m afraid you’ll end your contract with Jessica Charles and I wouldn’t want that for her…”
“I won’t do that,” Ethan had said firmly. “The band was going with her firm anyway. She’s the fucking best, everyone knows that. And you work for her, which automatically means you’re worth your salt. No one is going to think you’ve reached the heights you have for any other reason but you’re worth it. So why don’t you tell me the real reason you want to give up on us?”
His anger had made his veins stand out in his arms because he was clenching his fists so hard. She was standing across the room, almost as if she was afraid of his reaction. So he did all he could to keep his immense fury down. He didn’t want to fucking lose her.
She waved her hands in the air. “What we had…has been spectacular. I won’t lie and say it hasn’t been the best time of my life. But I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not…this isn’t the life for me. You need to focus on what you really do, and that’s being a rock star. And I have to pick up the pieces and just…move on with my life. And it has to be without you.”
It took an effort not to smash his fist into the wall. Turning away from her for a moment, he drew in an angry breath. “Who is it, Mandy? Who’s gotten to you? Is it Davey? Jaime? They’re a bunch of single-minded bastards, but they don’t mean any harm. Believe me. They only want what’s best for the band and yet…you don’t have to feel like you need to listen to them. Listen to me. I love you, damn it.”
He’d shocked himself – and her, with that unexpected declaration. But it hadn’t been enough. And her next words had almost cut him to the ground.
“You can believe that if it makes you feel better about what’s happened,” Mandy said softly. “Tell yourself you care and that’s why you set out to get me into bed even after I told you I wasn’t interested in getting involved with a rock star – my client. You ‘cared’, and that’s why you asked me to London with you as a stylist even when you knew I was simply an intern, with only a few months on the job. You did what you had to do to put me in your power and I surrendered, Ethan. So it’s all on me. And like I said, I’m not mad at you. But I will be if you don’t respect my wishes and just walk out the door now.”
“I will,” he said with thinly veiled anger, “I just need to ask…was it ever real for you? Or was I just a way to pass the time? Because if this meant anything to you at all, you wouldn’t find it so easy to ask me to leave.”
He could see his words had touched her; saw the indecision cross her face. His heart lifted with hope, but it was short-lived.
“I told you once before, Ethan, and I meant it. No matter what happened between us, you’re just not the man I’d want to be with. Maybe all this was meant to be was a passing thing.”