Mandy felt renewed hope; her hands encircled his wrists with the same firm grip in which he held the sides of her face. "I would have found my way back. Somehow. Back to you."
Mandy knew this to be true. She'd already been taking baby steps, making life changes that would somehow give her the strength to take back what she'd almost let slip away. And yet it was still too feathery to hope … even now with him so close she could see the blond highlights in his lashes … that she stood a chance.
Ethan's sudden movement surprised her into raising her head. He'd risen from the stool, slapped several bills on the counter, and grabbed her wrist. "Come on."
His swift strides were hard to keep up with. Vernon still stood by the door when they both emerged from the bar. "I'll be in my suite, Vernon," Ethan said.
Mandy felt relief mingled with excitement. She'd been so sure he'd been about to send her home. Now, as they silently took the lift up to his floor, she glanced at his profile but couldn't read a thing. Couldn't tell if he was still angry or if all was forgiven. Not that she'd ever dreamed it would be so easy. But still … she hurt so much and needed him. Needed things back to normal as quickly as possible. And normal was being secure in Ethan's love. Knowing he wanted to be with her as badly as she did him.
His suite of rooms was as luxurious as she'd expected. The sheer size of it, the opulence and welcoming décor still couldn't compare to being in Ethan's personal space that first time, when he'd shown her his private studio and then made love to her in his new, sexy bed. But this would do for now.
Musing at her own audacity, Mandy stood in the middle of the suite facing Ethan. He looked around as if he wasn't sure anymore where he was. "Mandy … "
She knew what she had to do. Now that they were here, she didn't want him re-thinking anything. Wondering if he should take the risk. Mandy was prepared to take all the risks for both of them.
She quickly came forward and rested her hands on his shoulders for a moment. Then she pushed at his jacket lapels, tugging it off him. He didn't try to stop her, but there was a pained look on his face. As if her touch, her very closeness hurt. Gently, she pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed. Then she knelt down to take off each boot. Next, she unbuttoned his fly. He lifted his hips off the bed to aid in the removal of his jeans.
Now that he was in just his boxers Mandy rose, kicked off her heels, and pulled her dress over her head. Her lacy red underwear felt even more minuscule with the way Ethan watched her. The silence in the room was deafening and she longed for him to say anything, even if it was just to ask what the hell she thought she was doing. But he seemed curious to see what she was up to.
He was still seated upright at the edge so she went to kneel behind him this time, her body close against his back. She put her hands on the rigid muscles at the base of his throat and started kneading his shoulders in a soothing massage. The air left him in a lengthy rush. There was a sensuality in her motions, but there was mostly a comforting. She needed this as much as he did. Her fingers worked into him, easing the tight knots in his upper back and neck joints. Being able to touch him was such a gift. She could feel the tension ebbing from him and her heart softened. Pulling him back to rest on her, she lay on the pillows and pulled the covers up around them. His breathing slowed and she ran her warm, soft hands over his torso, tracing each tattoo with her light fingertips. The back of his head rested against her bosom and she combed back his hair from the side of his face. His eyelids were closed and still, his features less drawn and ashen. She kept brushing her fingers through his hair, over and over as her other hand, which rested on his torso, felt his heart rate slow down.
He murmured something very low, and she had to strain and bend down until her ear was pressed close to his lips. This time when he spoke, she could make out the words he worded. How this was the nicest thing she'd ever done for him. And how much he'd missed this; both of them just being. It didn't have to be sexual or anything. Simply being together was enough. Even after spending months apart, it felt so right.
"I'll take care of you," Mandy whispered in his ear, her cheek against his. "If you'll let me."
His strong arms closed around her, pulled her down to him so she was spooned into his delicious warmth. "We'll take care of each other," Ethan said with a smile in his voice as he kissed the top of her head.
Mandy liked the sound of that so much she turned her face in his chest and sighed deeply, inhaling his assuring, familiar scent and feeling at peace for the first time in months.
Chapter Fifteen
Being in the position of winning back Ethan's trust was new and precious to Mandy. There was no doubt that he loved her or that she loved him. But there was a lot of healing to be done. The reversal of roles where she had to prove that she was here to stay had her feeling more empowered, not discouraged. No looking back, she told herself each day. And she showed it as much as she could to Ethan that this time, her heart knew what it was doing; knew what it wanted.
She knew the outside world had people already hardwired to cling to negative thoughts or spread malicious gossip no matter what. The public could have their opinion about her and Ethan; if she never cared before, she certainly didn't now.
It was like starting all over again. Everything felt new and rare. This time, there was no rush. Sex was a distant afterthought. Mandy respected that Ethan didn't automatically expect them to jump right back into it. If anything, he seemed to be the one holding back. This demonstrated more than anything how willing he was to see this through. Their powerful passion for each other hadn't been all they had, and she was glad to discover that over the days and weeks that followed.
The Strum's "Not Guilty" worldwide concert tour was to promote their newest album. Venues were spread through North America, Canada, and Europe, not forgetting Australia and New Zealand. Mandy's last minute decision to join the tour looked crazy in the broad light of day when she stood outside the tour bus the next morning. She'd woken up in Ethan's arms in that hotel bed and found him looking down at her, a slight smile of wonder in his eyes and on his lips, as if he couldn't believe she was really there. "Sure you want to do this?" he'd asked softly.
Mandy's answer had been to lean forward and kiss him, deeply and sweetly.
Now, climbing onto the state-of-the-art tour bus along with the band and the management team, she kept thinking of her mantra: no turning back. It was going to be tens of cities over more than seven months on the road and then flying when the need arose. It was going to be massive. Insane. But no way she was going to stay home. It didn't matter that Zuriel was a special guest performer and would be a feature during much of the North American leg of the tour. Ethan had promised Mandy that Zuriel knew to stay well away from Mandy. Not that Mandy was worried she couldn't hold her own against that dark-haired bully. She was in this for the long haul and she wouldn't be running scared anytime soon. Not again.
City to city … out-of-this-world performances to sold-out crowds, exhausting nights on the bus or in some hotel … the unstoppable fans and groupies, the explosive music running fast with the blood in her veins … Mandy couldn't imagine being anywhere else than here, sharing the experience with Ethan. Watching him from the wings and sometimes, catching his look when he turned his glance her way and smiled, knowing she was there, always there.
Mandy learned the best ways to keep herself from the public eye and was happy to let Davey play his part promoting the band the best way he knew how: by creating buzzes. He stayed out of Mandy's way, too. Especially when Ethan had given him an ultimatum: you're replaceable. Mandy's not. Davey got the message easily enough, big-shot manager that he was.
God, but it felt good. Reckless and yet sweet. Mandy had never done anything so crazy as leaving everything behind just to be with Ethan. When she could, she worked on building her new consultancy business. Armed with her laptop and her smartphone, she was able to get a website going and showcased her services. Her few months of working for Jessica Charles had taught her to think on her feet and she liked that she could keep busy doing her own thing while still sticking to Ethan's side.
This time was different from the episode in London in so many ways. Yes, she saw how much harder the band worked each night. And even if she wasn't there working as their stylist, she felt closer to the band than ever before. She had no doubt now about their support for her and Ethan. Everyone did all they could to please her and make her feel like one of the family. She tried to convince herself they did it mostly for Ethan, but in the end she realized that wasn't just it. They really liked her; had accepted her. They knew she belonged.