“But,” Romeo pressed, hearing the confession in Tino’s voice.
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“They’re blood, but they’re not my family,” Tino explained, looking away from Romeo, a haunted look passing over his handsome face. “You’re my family. Nova’s my family. And if I had to clip someone to protect my family, yeah, I’d fucking do it, and I wouldn’t feel bad about it.”
“Have you?”
Tino shrugged, looking away from Romeo, the confession locked tight enough that it might never come out.
“You did this to him.” Romeo pointed at Nova accusingly. “If his liver is dying, it’s your fucking fault!”
“No, Rome, you did it!” Nova jumped up, his eyes narrowed in fury, making it obvious the jibe hit its mark. “You let Frankie get to you! You got arrested! You left!
What the fuck were we supposed to do? I was fourteen and stuck living with Frankie and Mary. How do you think that bitch treated us? Having his bastards under her roof because Frankie wanted to use my brain. If Tino had to be hard to survive, I made him hard and I made us valuable. That’s what you never got: if you’re valuable, they don’t hurt you! Now you’re expendable because you were too fucking proud to push your shit aside and give Aldo respect. So it’s either throw another fight or die! Those are your options.”
“Then let Frankie kill me.” Romeo turned around to leave the kitchen. “I feel dead anyway.”
He walked to the front door without looking back, hearing Nova curse in Italian over the splintering sound of a plate smashing against the wall. Romeo stormed out the door bare-chested and barefoot, uncaring about the chill in the night air.
He wanted to walk until he forgot everything, Tino who’d once been so full of love and joy, and Nova who’d planned on going to Harvard and doing something that made a difference in the world.
He wanted to walk until it didn’t feel like his fault that Tino had blood on his hands and Nova had dropped out of high school when he was sixteen.
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He wanted to walk until it didn’t matter that he was probably going to die for a stupid fight and something as pointless as pride when he couldn’t help but feel like he had more to live for.
He wanted to walk until he forgot about Jules and the fact that he’d fallen in love with her when he knew this day was going to come.
Too soon.
He wanted to walk until it didn’t feel like his heart was going to shatter in his chest because he needed more time with her.
Whatever reasons he wanted to walk for, he knew he had to walk until he stopped crying.
* * * *
The front porch light was on when Romeo got back. His skin was sticky with a cold sweat that was uncomfortable. He smelled distinctively of the outdoors, not something he enjoyed. His feet were muddy…even worse.
He opened the door, determined to take a long, hot shower and try to find a way to go sleep and forget, because the walk hadn’t done a damn thing to help. He saw Tino and Nova sitting shoulder to shoulder on the couch, shell-shocked, staring into the fireplace, but he didn’t say anything to them. Just breezed past them on the way to the master bedroom.
Then he stripped off his jeans and got into the shower, his emotions still raging.
He stuck his face under the hot spray, praying for peace, searching for some sort of answer. He couldn’t see past the heartache and guilt.
Why couldn’t life cut him a break?
“I’m sorry.”
Romeo groaned, hearing the agony in Nova’s voice. He wasn’t ready to face this.
He felt raw and stripped bare, and he wanted to tell Nova to go away until he found his strength again.
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But knowing Nova wouldn’t leave, Romeo placed his hands on the wall and whispered, “I’m sorry too.” His voice cracked. The shower hid his tears as he said, “I’m so sorry, Nova. I’m sorry for leaving you with them. I know this is my fault. Blaming you is just easier.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Nova said, the tears sounding in his voice too. “It would’ve happened anyway. If you hadn’t ended up in prison, he would’ve killed you to get custody. Then we’d really have nothing. We’d be completely lost to all of it with no one to remind us that we can be more. You know that.”
“Yeah, I know that,” Romeo had to reluctantly agree, even if he was on a rabid self-hatred spree.
“It’s God’s fault,” Nova finally said with sharp bitterness. “For making me a freak.
If I was normal, Frankie wouldn’t have given a shit. He wouldn’t have wanted to look at us, let alone bring us into the fold.”