Tessa nodded. “It’s just – ever since Peter left I’ve been completely on my own for the first time in years. Even when my mother was at her sickest, in her deepest depression, I could still tell myself I wasn’t alone, could fool myself into believing that she’d come through for me if I really needed her. And then when Peter offered to marry me so I wouldn’t have to go into foster care- well, it was easy to just depend on him after that. I got too complacent, letting him handle the finances and make most of the decisions. It just felt good to let someone else take care of me for a change.”
“That’s completely understandable,” he soothed her. “In fact, it seems like a very natural reaction given all of the hardships you’d endured over the years.”
“When Peter moved out in September, it left this huge hole in my life. I had to start figuring out how to rely on myself again, and not to depend on another person. I’ve just really started to do that, Ian. And as much as I want to be with you, I’m not sure I should be letting myself depend so completely on someone else.”
Ian clasped her face between his hands almost desperately. “I am not letting you go, Tessa,” he bit out harshly. “If it’s space you need for a while, I’ll give it to you, even if it means leaving you in this place for a time. But I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep you with me in the long term.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” she murmured, sliding her hands over his. “I want to be with you, too, more than anything. But I don’t want to feel weak or helpless again, or worry that I can’t look out for myself if necessary. Can you understand that?”
He touched his lips to her forehead. “Of course I can. And with that thought in mind, let me offer you a different alternative. If you’d rather, Tessa, you could go back to school, earn your college degree. I’d still want you to live with me, but if it made you happy I’d gladly support you going to college. Even if it meant I couldn’t have you traveling with me like we discussed. At least you’d have the security of that degree, knowing that you could always fall back on it to get a job if necessary.”
She was touched by his offer, and placed a hand on his chest. “Thank you, Ian. I’m not sure if that’s what I want but it’s nice to know I have the option. I’ll give it some thought. And I will move in with you, sooner than later. I just need a little time to process all of this. Is that – is it okay?”
He gave her a bone-crushing hug. “It’s more than okay, love. And if I start acting too domineering I want you to promise you’ll tell me, hmm?”
Tessa smirked. “You mean like earlier today when you got upset about the clothes?”
Ian had the good graces to look properly chagrined and nodded reluctantly. “Yes, damn it, like that.”
After dinner at a very good Japanese restaurant where they’d shared sushi and sake, they had stopped at Ian’s house in order for Tessa to pick up her things. And had promptly become engaged in what had threatened to become their first real argument.
At issue was the clothing and other things he’d bought her, things he’d fully expected her to take to her apartment and use. After all, he’d explained, he intended on buying her a great deal more, with or without her approval, so she might as well make use of the items he’d already purchased.
“But I can’t wear any of these things to the office,” she’d explained gently. “Gina and Alicia and the others would recognize these labels – especially the red soles on those Louboutins – from the other side of the room and wonder how I was able to afford them. If we’re going to keep things discreet between us at work, no one can suspect I have a new man in my life. Especially not one who can afford to buy me a seven hundred dollar skirt or a three hundred dollar blouse.”
Ian had scowled. “I thought I’d cut off all those bloody price tags. And I wanted you to have some nice things for the office, darling. Not to mention,” he’d added with a wink, “I owe you a blouse since you ruined one of yours on Thursday. Thank God for leaky printer cartridges. Otherwise, I’d still be in the very beginning stages of the extremely involved plan I had to seduce you. That faulty cartridge sped up my game plan by at least three months.”
They’d argued back and forth a bit longer, until he’d rather sullenly agreed with her reasoning. He was somewhat mollified when she consented to take the lingerie, loungewear and toiletries he’d bought, reasoning that no one would be able to tell what she was wearing underneath her clothes, or determine what brand of shampoo she’d used.