Splendor(88)

But no amount of cleaning or tidying could hide the fact that the apartment was cramped, with scuffed wood floors, only one window that let in filtered light, and a rather odd assortment of mismatched furniture that she and Peter had acquired from a variety of sources over the years – garage sales, thrift shops, ready-to-assemble pieces, and even things that had been left in front yards with a FREE sign attached to them. The apartment couldn’t have been any different from Ian’s own splendid, elegant home and Tessa was very uncomfortable having him here.

He was silent and unsmiling as he walked inside, his big, broad-shouldered body dwarfing the place and making it seem even tinier than usual. She knew that steely-eyed gaze of his that never missed a trick would be quick to pick up on the cheap furniture, lack of space, and the cracks in the wall. If he had been even two inches taller his head would have brushed against the low ceiling.

“When is your lease on this place up?” he asked briskly.

She tried to interpret the rather closed-off expression on his face but quickly gave up and answered him. “In April. Peter’s been sending me a little money every month to help with the rent, but I’ll need to find something more affordable very soon.”

Ian frowned. “What’s the rent?”

Tessa told him and didn’t miss his startled reaction. “I know it sounds like a lot for such a small place but, well, that’s what rents are like in San Francisco these days.”

“I’ll pay off the lease for you,” he offered abruptly. “I don’t have my checkbook with me but I can bring a check to your landlord tomorrow. I don’t want you staying here even one more night, Tessa.”

She shook her head. “I can’t let you do that, Ian. Not that I don’t appreciate the thought but – I just can’t. Until we’re ready for me to travel with you and work as we discussed, I have to earn my own way.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he scoffed. “You can still keep working until you decide it’s time to give notice – which I trust will be much sooner than later. That’s not a valid reason why you can’t move in with me right away. If you’re concerned someone will see us arriving at work together, I can arrange for a separate driver for you or just get a taxi to take you to the office.”

Tessa laid a hand on his arm gently. “No, Ian. This needs to be on my terms – please? I’m not ready for that – to just move in with you so quickly. You’ve told me more than once that you don’t want to overwhelm me. So – don’t. Please.”

“God, I’m sorry, darling.” He swiftly took her into his arms. “You’re absolutely right. I told you that I wanted to indulge but never control you and I meant every word. I’m just so anxious to have you with me all the time. Especially after seeing this neighborhood you live in. Forgive me, but there were a few too many unsavory characters we passed on these last few blocks for me not to fear for your safety.”

“I know.” She rubbed his back as if to reassure him. “But I always lock my doors, never go out at night alone, and keep aware of what’s going on. The building even has its own laundry room so I don’t have to go out for that.”

“It’s not just the area.” He waved a hand around the room. “This place – I’m sorry, Tessa, but it’s just – depressing. There’s a crack in the ceiling, mold in the corner, a draft coming in through the window. I intend for you to live like a princess from now on, not a peasant or a pauper.”

Tessa shrugged. “I know it’s not much but it’s actually a lot better than some places I lived in with my mother. We had some pretty awful living conditions over the years. If you think this place is bad, you’d really want to start hitting something if you could see some of the others.”

He ran a hand through his hair in agitation. “Christ, I’m going to have nightmares about that, I swear. Every time I let myself imagine what it was like for you - ”

“Then don’t,” she admonished. “Let’s start forgetting about my past and focus on the future. I – I just need a little time, Ian. Okay? I mean, just a few days ago you were my boss – only my boss – and I had zero idea that you even thought of me in that way. And now you want me to move in with you and travel everywhere and take care of me. I mean, it all sounds like some sort of wonderful fantastic dream but, well, my head is kind of spinning when I try to take it all in.”

“Shh.” He lowered her head to his shoulder. “You’re right, of course you are. I’m just so used to being in complete control of everything around me that I need to step back just a bit and give you a little space.”