Splendor(18)
“I don’t care,” she told him fervently. “I’m perfectly happy with the way things are.”
“Bullshit. Come on, you’re a beautiful, healthy, normal twenty-four year old woman. Every time we’re out together I see the way guys look at us. They’re all wondering how a pathetic geek like me landed someone as hot as you, wonder what the hell you see in me.”
“Who cares what anyone else thinks?” asked Tessa passionately. “Our feelings are the only ones that matter.”
“Exactly. And I’ve always felt like an asshole for not being able to give you what you really need.” He squeezed her hand. “You know how fucked up I am, Tess. Everything that happened to me – it’s not something I can forget or get over that easily. I’m not sure I’ll ever really be normal or have a normal relationship. And I’m not going to make you suffer because of that any longer.”
“I don’t care about any of that,” she insisted. “All I care about is being with you.”
“Well, I care,” Peter stated firmly. “How do you think it makes me feel knowing that I’m not giving you what you need – that I can’t ever be the man you deserve? I feel like a total shit and certainly not like any sort of real man. So this has to happen, Tessa. For my sake as well as yours.”
She slumped against the back of the futon, her limbs limp and lifeless. “How am I going to cope without you, Peter?” she whispered brokenly. “I’m so afraid of being alone. You’re all I have.”
He twined a lock of her damp hair around his fingers, a habit he’d picked up years ago. “You’re going to be fine, Tessa. You’re so much stronger than you think, you just don’t see it now. And one day you’ll meet a guy who truly deserves you – one who can finally give you everything you need – a real marriage, a baby.”
“I don’t want anyone else,” she protested. “You’re all I’ve ever needed.”
“You’ve been the best wife any man could ever hope for – sweet, loyal, patient. You’ve never complained once about how crappy everything has been, how little we’ve had and how hard we’ve had to work. And you’ll always be my best friend. Forever.” He kissed her softly on the temple. “But it’s time for you to finally live, Tessa – really live, and not this shitty half-life we’ve been pretending to have for so long.”
Tessa choked on another sob and dashed away a fresh onslaught of tears with the back of her hand. “So what – what happens now?”
“I visited an old college friend this morning – you remember Kyle?” At Tessa’s nod, he continued. “He’s finishing up law school here in San Francisco and working part-time at some big firm. He offered to draw up papers for us, do all the busy work, and then get one of the attorneys to sign off on them.”
“Papers?” she asked in confusion.
“Divorce papers,” he confirmed gently. “Kyle will have them sent here for you to sign, and then you just return them to him. He’ll take care of forwarding them to me.”
“Oh, my God.” Tessa pulled her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around her shins. “God, are we really getting a divorce? It sounds so final.”
“Our marriage will be over, Tess, but not our friendship,” he reassured her. “We’ll always be family, okay? And I’ll help with money as much as I can. The lease on this place isn’t up until April, you know, and you won’t be able to afford the rent on your own. I’ll put some money in your account each month until the lease is up and you can move to a cheaper place.”
She hid her face against her bent knees, unable to think about practical things like paying bills or eventually having to move. “How long?”
“The divorce will take a few months to be final.”
“No, that’s not what I meant,” she corrected. “How long until – you leave?”
“I fly to New York tomorrow morning. I’ll be going through a two week orientation program, finalizing my work visa and stuff like that. I leave for Bahrain after that.”
Tessa heaved a weary sigh. “So this is it, huh? Our last night together. Can’t we have a few more days, Peter? So I can get used to the idea a little.”
“It’s better this way, Tess,” he insisted. “I know you won’t agree, but if I stay any longer you’ll just try to convince me to forget about everything. And I’ve been putting a move like this off for far too long already. It’s time, Tessa. Time for both of us to start over.”