She flung her arms around his neck, hugging him close. Tessa pressed a kiss on his cheek, hoping, wishing, that tonight he might actually return her affections, might be able to make love to her for the first time in months.
But her hopes were dashed when he once again gently disengaged himself from her embrace and moved a short distance away from her. He kept her hands firmly clasped in his. “Thanks, Tess. It’s a great opportunity, exactly what I’ve wanted for a really long time. I’m glad to know you’re happy for me. Though I’m guessing you won’t be when you hear all the details.”
Tessa regarded her husband warily. “What sort of details?”
Peter sighed, and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “The job is based in the Middle East,” he told her quietly. “That’s going to be my new territory. No more Asian trips.”
She gave a small shrug. “Is that a bad thing? I mean, how much longer are the flights to and from the Middle East than they were to Asia?”
He paused, as though choosing his words very carefully. “You don’t get it, Tess. I’m going to be based in the Middle East. Bahrain, to be exact. I’ll be relocating there, living there full time.”
Tessa felt like she’d taken a blow to the solar plexus, and struggled suddenly to breathe. “So – so we’re moving? Leaving San Francisco and moving to Bahrain?”
He shook his head. “Not we – me. I can’t take you with me, Tess. That’s not part of the job offer. I’ll be sharing a residence with three other journalists and photographers. And even if that wasn’t the set-up there’s no way I’d leave you alone for weeks on end over there. It’s a very different world for a female in the Middle East. You wouldn’t be able to get a decent job or go out and about anytime you wanted. Bahrain is a more modern country in that part of the world, but you still wouldn’t have the sort of freedom you have here and would have to be very careful all the time. I’d worry about you constantly every time I was away.”
The tears were beginning to well up hotly behind her eyes. “I’d be okay,” she whispered. “I’ll do whatever is necessary, just as long as I can go with you, so we can be together.”
“No, Tess. It wouldn’t be any kind of life for you. You’d be almost like a prisoner every time I was away,” he explained. “And I’m expecting to be away for even longer stretches than I am now – maybe a month or two at a time – places like Syria and Egypt and Iraq.”
The tears starting tracking slowly down her cheeks. “So – so how often will you be able to come home to see me?” she asked, her voice breaking.
Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I get two weeks off each quarter.”
“That’s it?” she cried. “I’ll only get to see you eight weeks a year?”
“No. Let me finish. I’m not coming back to San Francisco. When I leave – that’s it. We need to end this, Tess. It’s way past time and we both know it.”
She was weeping openly now, hiding her face in her hands as her body shook with sobs. “Please don’t do this,” she begged. “Don’t leave me, Peter. I don’t care if I can only see you a few weeks a year. Just don’t leave me alone forever.”
He took her into his arms gently, easing her head onto his shoulder. “Shh. Take it easy, okay? You know we have to do this, Tessa. We should have ended things a long time ago. This – what we have here – it isn’t a marriage and it never has been, not really. You know it as well as I do. And it’s never been fair to you for even one day.”
“That’s not true,” she protested weakly. “We have a good marriage. We love each other. You’ve been so good to me, Peter, taken care of me for so long. I – I can’t do this by myself.”
“You’re wrong, Tess. You’ve been taking care of yourself for almost two years now, every time I go away. And you’ve been doing great. I know you’re going to do just fine on your own,” he reassured her confidently.
She shook her head, clinging to his hand desperately. “That’s different. I always knew you were coming home soon. And we Skyped and texted and emailed almost every day. Are we – can we still – ”
“No. At least not as often. You need to start over, Tess, to break the ties and finally have a real life, a real relationship. Not all the crap you’ve had to put up with for so long with me.”
“We do – I do -” she began to protest.
Peter stared at her in disbelief. “No, we don’t, Tess, and we never have. I’ve never been able to give you what you need – what you deserve – and I doubt I ever will. You deserve so much more than what little I can give you.”