She felt relaxed and less uncomfortable at the end of the class, a sensation that remained with her during the bus ride home. It was only as she opened her mail box that the all too familiar feeling that something bad was about to happen returned.
The thick manila envelope bore the return address of a local law firm, and Tessa almost dropped the packet in revulsion. She postponed opening the envelope for as long as possible, and didn’t even mention its arrival to Ian when they spoke on the phone late that night. With the eight hour time difference between San Francisco and London, it was already very early in the morning for him and well past normal bedtime for her. Still, she gladly gave up the extra sleep in order to hear his voice, to listen to him recount what had happened the day before, and to have him tell her how much he loved and missed her. Determined to remain positive, Tessa didn’t mention her painful period or how many times during the last day and a half she’d had to fight off the depression that threatened to engulf her in its darkness.
But once their conversation ended, she stared for long minutes at the offending envelope, knowing she’d never be able to sleep until she opened it.
She’d known without even looking at the return address that the envelope contained the divorce papers. She didn’t get a lot of mail in general, and certainly nothing as thick and official looking as this packet. Sighing, Tessa slid the papers out of their envelope and took a quick glance at the top page.
Well, it was over. Officially so, even though her marriage to Peter had in all honesty never really begun. They had been best friends, roommates, confidantes, but never lovers or partners, not in the true sense of the word. Now that she knew what it truly felt like to be in love, to experience sexual fulfillment, and, yes, to finally feel like a woman, Tessa could accept her seven years with Peter for what they had really been – a means to an end; a safe haven for her; and a dysfunctional mess that should never have been permitted to go on for as long as it had.
Still, she cried for a while, because it was never really easy to let go of something that had been part of your life for so many years. And then, she pulled up her email account on the rather ancient old laptop Peter had scrounged up for her way back in high school, and began to compose the letter she ought to have sent him weeks ago.
Dear Peter,
It’s been a few weeks since we were in touch and a lot has happened during that time. First, though, the divorce papers arrived today so I guess it’s really official – we’re no longer married. I just finished having a good cry over it but I can honestly say – finally – that you did the right thing by making this happen – for both of us.
There’s – well, I’ve met someone, Peter. I know you always wanted that for me, but I still can’t help feeling a little bit guilty about it. He’s a wonderful man, treats me like a princess, and I’m going to be moving in with him soon. As you know, the lease on this place is up pretty soon so I guess the timing is working out well.
He’s older than I am by quite a bit, but it’s not for the financial or emotional security that I’m with him. I’m honestly, completely, and ridiculously in love with him, and I hope you’ll be happy for me. I told him everything – about my mom, the whole mess I was in when you saved me, and about us. He’s not only been good to me but good for me as well, and I’m hoping he’ll be the one to slay the rest of the dragons, the few that you didn’t already kill for me.
I hope you know how much I still love you, Peter, and how much I always will. You were there for me in my darkest times, and I will never, ever forget that. I hope we can continue to be the best of friends, and that you will keep in close touch. And, most of all, I hope that someday you can finally find the peace that you need so badly – that you’ll meet someone who will slay all of your dragons.
With much love,
Tess
Wiping away her tears, she dragged herself into the bathroom and got ready for bed, hoping that between her emotional state and her physical condition that she would sleep soundly. As she started to shut down her laptop, she was astounded to see a new message had popped up, and even more surprised to note that it was from Peter. He never replied to her emails so quickly, and she surmised he must have been online when her message had been delivered to him.
Hey, Tess,
What you are doing up so late? I’m the insomniac, remember? But in all seriousness – yes, I knew the divorce was going to be final today and was thinking of you the whole time. Guess I was just too much of a coward to email you first.
I can’t tell you how happy I am to hear you’ve found someone, Tess. You deserve to have normal, healthy relationship, and to be loved and adored more than anyone else in the world. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be the man to give you that kind of love, because I know I’ll never meet anyone half as wonderful as you.