Splendor(121)

“I’ll be visiting my sister and her family up in Oregon for about a week,” he told her, “but I’ll be back in town next week. Even if I’m not around I can easily arrange for anything you might need.”

Tessa thanked him but assured him she’d be fine, that she was used to taking care of herself and wished him a pleasant vacation. Then she was off to work, where she hoped to keep busy enough over the next two weeks so that she didn’t feel like crying nonstop.

She knew that if she didn’t want to endure anymore painful separations like this one that she would have to remain firm in her resolve to resign. But it was one thing to know it, and quite another to actually accept it. As much as she loved Ian and wanted to be with him all the time, she couldn’t quite let go of the feeling that she needed to depend on herself and not simply rely on him for everything. That had been what had eventually happened with Peter, and when he’d left it had felt like her whole world had caved in.

And, if she was being completely honest with herself, she was still having doubts that her relationship with Ian would last. Her misgivings had nothing to do with her own feelings. No, those were rock solid and she couldn’t imagine ever loving another man the way she did him. Rather, it was her fear that he would tire of her, that perhaps having a much younger girlfriend was only a novelty for him, and maybe something of an ego booster (not that someone as undeniably hot as Ian needed to pad his self-esteem by any means). What if she became an embarrassment to him once they went public with their relationship – if he determined that she simply wasn’t refined or educated or mature enough to live in his world full time?

He would never abandon her, or leave her to fend for herself. That she knew without a shadow of a doubt. He was too good of a person, too much a gentleman, to ever even think of doing something like that. No, if he ever decided to end things between them he would make sure she was taken care of, settled with a good job and a place to live. But there would be nothing at all he could do to heal the gaping wound in her heart that a breakup like that would cause.

As the workday ended and she headed to the office gym for her workout, Tessa forced herself to stop being such a pessimist. Ian had made his feelings for her very clear, and she ought to be doing cartwheels of happiness right now that such an incredible man was in love with her. Instead, she was letting herself fall back into her old, bad habits and starting to imagine the worst. If she was going to get through the next two weeks without her lover, she was going to have to keep as busy as possible and, more importantly, maintain a positive attitude and not succumb to the depression that often hovered on the edges of her emotions.

The workout helped block out a lot of the insecurities and worries that tormented her, as did the call that came through from Ian shortly after she arrived home. He sounded tired, and she knew it was already the middle of the night in England. Even though she longed to keep him on the phone, she didn’t prolong the conversation when he bid her good night.

She kept herself busy the rest of the evening by starting to inventory her kitchen and living room, beginning the process of packing up the apartment. By the time bedtime rolled around, she was sufficiently tired to actually fall asleep fairly quickly.

But the next morning – which happened to be a Wednesday – started out on a sour note when she discovered her period had started. One of the major side effects of the IUD she used for birth control were the heavy, painful menstrual cycles she suffered through. Her periods were also irregular, making it difficult to pinpoint when they were due to occur.

She’d tried using the pill - several different brands in actuality – but had experienced rather severe allergic reactions to each one – terrible headaches, constant nausea, a red, itchy rash. The nurse practitioner at the free clinic had steered her towards the IUD as an alternative method but Tessa wasn’t so sure the side effects with it were much better.

Making sure her purse was well stocked with tampons, Tessa swallowed two Tylenol with her breakfast to lessen the pain of the severe cramps she knew would follow shortly. Her period would last for well over a week, with more of the killer cramps and heavy bleeding, enough so that she always felt a little weak and dizzy as a result. She tried to lay low during her cycles, cutting back on her exercise routine, trying to get some extra sleep, and eating as well as she could.

The timing of her period with Ian’s absence was just about the only positive note. She was reluctant for him to see her this way, especially when she felt bloated and uncomfortable and on edge. Her periods also tended to make her weepy and depressed, and she knew she’d have to force herself more than usual to get through the days.