"You're important to me, too." The understatement is a betrayal to how I really feel. I fell for Arrow that first day. He smoothed that shiny purple leaf in his fingers and offered it to me as a gift, and I was never the same. "Arrow, I want us to be friends."
He drags a hand through his hair and spins away, as if he can't handle the sight of my face anymore. "I don't."
The night goes quiet. Maybe the frogs and owls are as shocked by his words as I am. "What?"
When he turns back to me, grief twists his features. "I've tried, Mia. For over a year now, I've tried to be your friend and nothing more. But I don't want to be your friend. That's not what you are to me. It's not enough."
"Don't do this," I whisper. "Don't look at me like I'm something to you."
"I'm sick of ignoring this ache in my chest when I see him with you. I'm sick of pretending I don't need to be more than that guy you fucked up with once. You're not something to me. You're everything."
"Don't." My voice cracks to match my heart. "You don't understand. We can't be together."
"Why not?"
"Because our parents-"
"I don't care if your dad hates me. We'll work it out. I'll win him over. Can't we just-"
"We can't."
"Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't have feelings for me. Tell me our night together didn't mean something to you."
I hold his gaze and open my mouth, but I can't force the lie out.
"Why?" he whispers. "What is it that's keeping you away from me? I'll leave you alone. I won't bring it up again. I just want to know why."
I want to lie to him, but the only way past this is with the truth. "Because my mother had an affair with your father. She left when my dad found out and started making threats."
His face goes blank-whitening. I did that-I pulled the drain on all his hope. "What? When?"
I swallow hard. "Nic says it went on for at least a year before she left town." His lips move slowly as he mentally positions the timeline, and I can't stand here at the edge of this cliff and wait for the end of anything he and I could be, so I help. I push. "It would have been your freshman year in high school, and the summer before your sophomore year."
His face contorts as he clings to confusion to dodge the pain. "But my mom . . ."
His mom was at home dying that year. The cancer was taking over her body and his father was screwing my mother.
His nostrils flare and his eyes narrow in on me. "How long have you known this?"
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Fuck it, Mia, you knew?"
I stumble backward. I've seen Arrow angry, but he's never looked at me with anything short of kindness and affection. Until this moment. "I know what your mother means to you. I didn't want to hurt you."
He lets out a puff of air that might have been a laugh if it weren't filled with so much disgust. "That ship's sailed, Mia. All you've ever done is hurt me." He shakes his head and backs away. "From day one."
I drive too fast to Coach's house. I let my car fly over the hills on the back roads, my stomach pitching into my chest when I go airborne at the crest of each hill. Up and around Deadman's Curve, I race toward the setting sun, wishing I could disappear into it.
I take the turn onto Coach's road, my back wheels spinning in the gravel as I over-correct and fly through the dust down the county road to his house.
I tear into his driveway, skid to a stop, and press my forehead against the steering wheel. I open my mouth and make myself breathe as I count the lashes to my heart.
I told her I loved her, and she said she wanted to be my friend.
My father was fucking her mother while my mother was dying, and she knew. She knew.
Throwing my head back against the seat, I smack the steering wheel, and the horn blares into the country silence.
Coach wanders out of his garage, one hand on his hip, the other wrapped around his hunting rifle.
I climb out of the car, and he arches a brow. I know that look. It's the look he gives players who show up to practice late. It's the look he gave the QB when he fumbled the ball on the five-yard line. It's the look that says, "Calm down, figure out what's wrong, and fix it."
"He was having an affair," I whisper. "While Mom was dying, Dad was having an affair."
"Shit," he mutters. He leans the gun against the side of the garage and wraps his arms around me. He's a big guy, taller than me and broader, and I tuck my head into his chest and let myself hide from the world for the count of three ragged breaths before backing out of his arms.
"My world is fucked." I press my palms against my eyes and wipe away the moisture. I'm not going to cry like a fucking child over my father. He doesn't deserve it. But Mia . . .
"It's not," Coach says. "I know it feels like it, but it's not. Now who told you this?"
"Mia Mendez." I draw in a long, slow breath, steadying myself against the pain saying her name brings. I just want to be fucking numb. "Dad was fucking her mom. And Mia knew. She knew, and she didn't tell me."
Coach puts his hand on my shoulder. "Is this really about your dad, or is it about Mia?"
I lift my eyes to meet his. "Both." I rub my palm against my chest. "It hurts so much."
"Take a breath. You need the car still?" He holds my gaze, his eyes stern. "You take a breath and fulfill your commitments. You can wallow later."
I swallow hard. "Right. Of course."
He puts the keys to his SUV in my hand and nods. "Commitments first."
"Right," I whisper. "I'll be back in an hour or so."
"Take your time. And slow down on that road out there. Killing yourself isn't going to solve a damn thing."
"God, you're beautiful." Brogan grins, as he rakes his gaze down the length of my body.
"Thank you." I'm still shaken from Arrow's visit, and suddenly my choice of outfit feels slutty and inappropriate. I don't want to show myself off for Brogan. I'm not his anymore. I haven't been since that night at the lake. Brogan's been trying so hard that I felt like it was my turn to try. But I can't shake the look on Arrow's face when he left.
"All you've ever done is hurt me."
"Are you ready, then?" Brogan asks.
I shrug into my coat and grab my purse off the hook by the door. "Where are we going?" I ask, as I step into the corridor and close the door.
His lips quirk into a smile. "You'll see." He holds out his hand, and when I take it, he squeezes and pulls me close. He lowers his mouth to hover over mine and whispers, "Unless you don't want to go anywhere. We'd have your apartment to ourselves. I could be persuaded to spend the night in."
I can't let my conversation with Arrow ruin tonight, so I force a smile. "I want to know what you've been planning."
"Feel like singing tonight?"
I take a breath. "Yeah. That sounds great."
I close my eyes as Brogan leads me around the dance floor. I want to be present in this moment, and I'm failing.
He put so much thought into tonight. He drove us to Indianapolis and we had dinner downtown, and then he took me to a bar down the street with an open mic and a busy dance floor. We ate, we danced, and I sang-pouring all my heartache from my earlier conversation with Arrow into my favorite ballads. Every detail was planned for my benefit, and I can't stop thinking about Arrow. Should I call him? Text? Apologize?
What exactly would I be apologizing for? My mother's decisions? My decision not to tell him when I first found out? Or would I be apologizing for letting him fall in love with me? For wanting it, despite myself?
Brogan pulls back and frowns. "What's wrong? You're upset about something."
I swallow hard. "Arrow came to my apartment earlier. I'm sorry. I won't-"
"Arrow?" His frown turns into a snarl. "Are you fucking kidding me?"
I step back. There's so much anger in his voice and face. I don't think I've ever seen him like this before. It scares me a little.
"Jesus, Mia. Nothing happened. Arrow's overreacting."
"What are you talking about?"
"You know Trish. She likes to make a scene. Arrow had the wrong idea."
I step out of his arms. "Trish?" I don't have to add the one I caught sucking your dick, because that's all right there in the way I say her name.
"What did he tell you? Jesus, I swear, I was ending it with her. Cutting it off. I love you, and I couldn't-"
"I thought you said nothing happened."